discovering UnDiscovered...

PS: ever seen those movies, or songs or books or simply things that u just wanna write about, share with people, tell people. which when u do share with someone, and don't get that same passionate response, or understanding, wonder why, how can this person not like it. well i have a long list of those, and have been thinking of starting a 'list' and this movie made me, thus the name. so here goes...
(now i understand why orkut and other such 'social' sites have these in the first place, always wondered...)

UnDiscovered...
after a long long time, discovered (how ironic) a late night movie which i loved. most of these things come to me when i least expect it and somehow very late at night. undiscovered is a tale of aspiring artists in LA, thats what IMBD says, but its just a love story set in that. its funny, i loved the dog roller skating, and is very very soft and quite realistic. least expected to see such a movie based in LA, well it starts off in NY and u'd expect a movie like this to be set there. its a nice heart warming story, with the usual coincidences and chasing the girl all the way to the airport (although here the dude has to get a ticket and go into the flight...)claps at the end etc etc... cliched i know but its the treatment which sets it apart. watch it...one of those rare movies which mostly get missed. come to think off it, there can be very few basic love plots right, its all about the situations which set them apart.
take care.
PS: the one above is the pre-script...if ur wondering. also the link to the movie is here - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0434424/

random...

thoughts...lots of things going on, but just thoughts.

can a person be bad in real life but blog beautifully?? wondering...

dreams, pointers to ur state of mind. what is better, getting nightmares or the total lack of dreams, can't decide.

one day at a time, no future, try to disconnect from the past, one day where even the day is not defined.

enjoy experiences, all experiences, enjoy pain, enjoy hurt, enjoy bad and good memories, enjoy fights. float a level higher, hover and get a view of your life, u'll enjoy it.

why is the past so clingy, why is it difficult to get beyond its reach. why isin't the future more magnetic, or is it for some people, depends on just how ur..?

why is patience so scarce, why is understanding so scarce, why is empathy absent..?

why can't i let go, why can't i delete my experiences when i want to, why can't i achive them somewhere, which i can retrive only when required to guide me, but ignore when i wanna fly...
but who decides whether i wanna fly or be chained down...not me for sure.

should i increase the size of my font as demanded or should i do what i want??? or just advice people to highlight and read, is easier, thats what i do to read my own blogs...

a whole lot of crap i know...should i let it stay and make is unmarketable, or just stick to my OCD of writing what comes to my head, without trying to make it more marketable, let it stay pure.

should i stick to my OCD of giving credit to people who i borrow from or antagonise them by mentioning them. i guess the first, am anyways not read widely. so thanks r for OCD.

take care people...
.
ank

gifts...

on 59th street subway station, coming back from apple store - sept 26th

lots of people love receiving gifts. it surprises them, makes them feel good, mostly because they feel someone cares enought to give enought thought n go through the pain of selecting a gift for 'em.

Very few actually like giving figts. enjoy the process of gifting. Its a small projects, giving the perfect gift the which if like gives a high.

many gift what they percieve the FTLOABW giftee would like, many gift stuff that they want the giftee to have. i usually am the latter (fits with my selfish nature) n i have known somone who is the former (she was the one who made me realise i was slefish) i have seen people who go all out to get taht perfect gift, not bothering whether their relation with the giftee is dear enough. Putting it bluntly, its to make u feel good or maybe take ur head of sth.

some tyr to substitue their inability of showing emotions with presents, some try to eleviate their guilt, some want to emphasize their love n care. some just want to prove it. their are very few who gift to make life special, bring a smile...n that too at few occasions. i haven't seen many pure gifts, but then their r anyways very few things in life pure enough.

that's all i have to say about that...except for what kind ru? N whats ur hidden reason...

Take care

PS: can't be complete withoug a PS can i... I haven't recieved a pure gift since ages, ever i guess. No one has even given a selfish gift for long...

designing experiences

There is nothing extra special about the places tourist usually visit in US. We have older, more majestic n beautiful PTUV. N we have older more relevant n more meaningful stories backing them up. But what they have r better experiences, which give u an illusion of a bar better experience then it actually is.
Customer delight is what it is known as in marketing parlance. The way it is designed, taking u right to the edge of a waterfall, actually facing the fall battering you right on the face, getting wet inspite of the free ponchos, that feeling of an experience of a lifetime, is all designed for u.
but only few realise that these r exp. created for u. that only a trek through ardous trails to get to a waterfall, totally exhausted and bruised gives u the exhiliration n sense of achievement which is unmatched. the kind u wanna tell people about, that i missing here. adventures here r commodotised.
have to give ti to 'em for being such amazing marketers. Kotler, an American to the core is right, all that is needed is innovation and marketing. all else can be outsourced!!!
take care.

the gandhi way...

Many times its a better startegy to appeal to the conscious of the general janta. Two tour guides dealing with us habitually late Indians... One shouts n scolds, the other understands calmly, even empathizes. The first gets scorn n makes people rebellious, the other actually generates guilt. Won't do any good to state an observation, have to analyse right... Where does each method work... Well how much time have u got. appealing to the camotosed consicous takes time n patience n once u got it, need preservations, constant enforcement.
N the jant ur using it on. Doesn't work with habitually shameless people. well its does but takes time n a lot of reinforcement. Just realised its the Gandhi method.
Later, Take care...!

experinecing women...!

well the title was supposed to get u to read it, nothing weird in the post though. this is just a bit of the american marketing shock and awe rubbing off me.

anyways, everytime i see women doing jobs which they traditionally have not being doing, and are not expected to do by the larger world, i somehow awes me. primarily because its something new, and also because they mostly are very good at what they do.

a bus conductor in the crowded BEST buses, if u have travelled in them u know what crowded is, the conductor moves from the front door to the back to collect the tickets, handling the change and handing out the tickets. it, to me seems an impossible job which would make anyone frustrated. i once came across a female conductor, who even with people brushing again her (u'd expect women to be sensitive to it) was totally comfortable, even though people were not very polite, always had a subtle smile on her face, was quicker in dispensing the tickets,

it seems women enjoy their jobs more then men do, they get more of a satisfaction, more of a proud feeling doing their jobs. could be because they are not expected to do these jobs, and the fact that they are makes them feel proud. it shows int he way they work, they give their 100 percent, and value add as well. the conductor giving advice to people on how to get to their destination, the barber, who i have to say was amazing, didn't give me a great cut, but the experience was great. and it was so because of the way she treated me, she understood how i wanted my hair, when she though i was in doubt, she reassuringly say "don't worry will give u a nice cut" although was not fearful about what kind of cut i will get, that made me relax like nothing. at the end when they put the mirror at the back of ur head to show the cut at the back, she holds the mirror momentarily, and suddenly says sorry, reached for my glasses which were on the table in front of me and hands them over to me to put them on, absolutely mind blowing. i was amused, touched and amazed, thats heights of thoughtfulness, amusing because of the fact that everytime when some barber asked me to check my back cut, i simple nodded, not having the patience to pick up my glasses, without seeing anything.

i was wondering why more woemn donot get into this profession or into cooking, i mean, it comes to them naturally right, they have far better sense of design, of sizes and shapes, of symmetry, are far more detailed in their outlook. so why not??

this is a draft..but stil publishing, will make it right soon.

take care.

why go back..?

one series of questions i am asked often here is whether i like it better then india, whether i wanna come back, and some close people end up asking if i wanna settle here. my usual answer is i don't know, what i actually mean is i don't care. life for me in india or here is the same, i find beauty everywhere and thats what counts.

a lot of desi's here unabashedly participate in a lot of india bashing, and sometime back i enumerating to myself what i like about here, the space i get, the convinience of life, the egalitarian attitude, the compulsive desire to be different, and the constant innovation which come out of it, and so on, and then i suddenly thought, what do i like about india. whats so good about my country which makes me compulsively defend it.

and i have been thinking ever since...

india is the exciting, life there takes sudden turns, every moment lived in my country is an adventure, which comes out of lack of everything good. every place is differnt, and not subtlely different, glaringly different. attitudes, designs, perspectives, all are different, and this difference makes people accepting, it makes people more accepting of diversity. here people are not accepting, they just don't care, thats why u feel u have that space. which is better, i don't know.

what most of the india bashers forget is that india is india because of indians, (thats why even queens feels like india) so calling urself desi is abusing urself.

i have believed this for sometime now, india is the future, just need to stay back n enjoy the ride. i am ready to, are u. do u want to live in a society where everything has happened, or do u wanna be part of something...

take care.

causes...

a 31.5 hour day; a 60 min call, and a 15 min follow up; small expectation; and them getting fulfilled; cake all over; a stained hugo boss shirt; washing a stained hugo boss shirt; nice weather; and the NY skyline; light past midnight rain; loud soft music; long walk; lots of smoke; lots of wishes; spamming sessions; unlocking and relocking; beautiful pics; tej in the eyes; new expressions; many cards; most arriving before the day; margarita mix and vodka; attitudes; percieved subtle power struggles; fading memories; and their struggle to persist; no baggage; cancelled meetings; hot machine coffee; bad imitation of oprah winfrey; friday; no resolutions, maintain as is... ; end of the worst year; peace or atleast a hint of it...

i don't know what caused it, but its a good day.

happy birthday....
take care.

live n let live...

if only would actually do it.

alter egos, and soul mates, have u met urs???

labeled...

they are everywhere, labels, everyone of us has it. think about it ur name is a label, it tell everyone where ur coming from, what caste ur, and to the more discerning of people, a hell lot more. whats ur nature, what can be ur possible occupation, what ur good at, what ur not. bengali hai to will be a critical thinker, and thats where it ends, gujju hai to has to have a good business mind, androids have to be brainy, punjus have to be good showpeople, good at marketing...

libra hai to has to be a good judge, cancer has to be emotional, scorpion has to be secretive.

and labels are everywhere, the school ur came from is a label, the company u work for is a label, the book ur currenly reading is a label.

label are so in use because they help simplify life, pass on information in form of collective knowledge. thats how people living at the other end of the country, who have never been to delhi, hate delhites. labels are one word defnitions, which tell so much about a person, and most of this is derived from history of many people who shared that common label.

my problem with being labeled is that it assumes a lot, even if 80% of what ur is defined by the label, it doens't describe u in ur entirety. and then that uniqueness of u is lost.that 20%, or maybe even that 1%, labels never let u dig deeper into a person, u think u know someone just because u know their label. but then u don't know whats different in them and what made them different from fellow labels of the same kind.

don't let labels let u assume everything, it can be a good guide, but thats all. need to understand deeper, to know if the label is true and to what extent. i hate being labeled anything, i hate belonging to any label, hate being called a bong or a gujju or a north indian, being called an indian, not that i am not proud of being an indian, but what do u mean when u call someone an indian, they come regularly late, they do not obey laws, well most don't but that doesn't mean i don't either. but as soon as i am called an indian, its assumed that i am all that a typical indian is, well frankly there is no typical indian, there is no typical anything. stereotypes donot exist.

chalo take care.

triggers..

have seen urs or someones state of mind change suddenly, bad to good or other wise. well its not suddenly, but yea, a mood which as persisted for some time changes over a very short period of time, and it seems suddenly. well thats triggers.
it could be a smile from someone, a song heard at full volume, a long walk, a cup of coffee or just an observation. but its amazing how it changes the rest of ur day, before u come back.
it in no way changes the state of affairs in your life, but for that short period u start feeling different, looking at things differently.
question is can you trigger something for urself, or has to be always external. does someone have to shoot u for u to die, not necessarily, can do it on ur own. but is difficult.

once u start understanding ur own triggers, it makes life more manageable. or atleast understandable.
we are so affected by what happens around us, even introverts, or actually more so introverts.

well writing about introverts, have to say this, its about time i defended my kind, people so misunderstand introverts, introverts = sadists, introverts = quite sad mysterious freaks, well not really. to some extent yes, the best defn i found of an introvert is people who get energy from inside, from within. they need time with themselves, because their thoughts n observations are more important and interesting to them then anything else. most of the other things attributed to introverts are not because of introvertness, but other stuff..

aloo, and might write in detail about this someday, i saw this movie ages ago, full circle or something, can't find it on google though, but it exists (amazing how we think that if its not on google its not out there...) anyways, talks about this girl who gets raped when in college, and then even though in love, can't get over it and loses her love. but ultimately her life comes a full circle, and she finds herself standing where she started.
there is also this concept of history repeating itself. and my concept of second chances.
anyways the point is, its true, life is a circle, more so a spiral, whether ur going up or down, thats ur state. and yea history repeats itself, not in the fine print maybe, but yea, in the macro pic, all of this happens. u just should have the time and awareness to see it. so its actually beneficial to learn from ur and ur parents and ur grandparents mistakes, don't change how u live, but please do pay some heed to it.
and yea how ever much i hate it and am against the concept, it does apply to mixed marriages, mixing always has unexpected results.

i used to believe, u cannot change ur core, and almost everyone agreed on it with me, but i have realised u can, if u work on urself, u can lead ur life, how fast and wide the delta is, depends on how determined ur, how much control u have on ur head.

take care..
abrupt ending, i know... by the way am still trying to find out what triggered this sudden spate of writing after 17 days.

take care..!

have been sick for some time now, not too sick, but enough to bother me. and have realised the importance of having someone who cares, and pampers. am taking care of myself, but still feels good if someone asks, and cares. lessens the pain, gives a sort of security, or atleast an illusion of security.

i remember once had this acute pain in my ear, it immobilised me, couldn't even sleep, the nearest doc was about 20ks away, was kinda afraid to go alone. then a friend came along, and just the presence made it far better. in retrospect the friend didn't help much, but i myself got so much of confidence, i could handle it, and i also forgot the pain.

i was in allahabad, on a construction site, miles away from anywhere, and life was as bad as it can get. the only constant in life is ur life itself, it was a rut which seemed never ending. like going through a movie again and again...till the point where u start noticing the background because the scenes and dialogues are memorised. during that stay, a 58 year old career civil engg, who lived his life away from his family on such sites, whose entire day passed dreaming and dreading about his retirement told me to take care of myself, never fall sick because if u do, there will be no one to take care of u.

but don't u wish that day never comes, u always have someone whoes highest priority is u, and don't u want to be that for someone else too.

guess till you become parents, thats not gonna happen, especially if u have lost ur love.

by the way, and i might be repeating myself, but a person who has helped you when ur at ur vulnerable most, u never forget them, are always in debt.

take care.

ank

comfort zone...

i have heard many well traveled people crib about how americans are two faced, they are not true, well don't know about that. been here only couple of months which is a very short time for me to make such judgements.

but i have seen something about which a friend mentioned long time back, when she came to US. mentioned that people are too polite, they hold doors open for you, they apologize for no particular reason (the often heard 'excuse me' which seems to be the tongue tip term here). it sometimes gets on your nerve, becomes really irritating. but then thats because we come from a culture where u apologize and expect to be rewarded for it, where apologies are more of an obligation put on someone then an apology.

anyways i guess its about making someone comfortable, and not unnecessarily taking them out of their comfort zones. walking down the roads, never do people walk so fast that they bump into each other, there is always this gap between the crowds, ur bubble* is never pierced.

crossing the roads, even if the lights are red, if someone is walking across, the cabs, would stop for you to cross, even if ur stading on the sidewalk to cross, the cabs stop. and these are yellow taxis moslty driven by asians. on the freeways, even in a traffic jams, there is enough distance between vehicles for a bajaj scooter to park, well i guess in india, that would be the case.

in concerts, and i am comparing a van dyk concert here with aerosmith in india, people let you be, there is no pushing, no fears of falling over the rails. if u wanna go in front people let you, don't have to jostle along.

guess it all comes down to giving you space and not invading it unnecesarily... something i have always missed in india, if u have a sad expression, if ur not speaking as much as you usually do, if ur an introvert, well people there won't let you be. they wouldn't accept you, will poke u asking what happened, kya hua, and make sure u never come out of that mood.

so however two faced americans are, i atleast like this face of theirs, the face which gives people space, and which accepts people as they are.

and by the way, went to the restroom (which i guess is called so because people when they want some alone time or breaks, go into the stalls and sit on the pot) and realized the fact that these people who would try to maintain atleast a two inch bubble around them, and would not stare at people, whatever (smooching so much that they could end up making babies) they are doing, don't think anything about half open stalls, no partitions between urinals and locker rooms which are basically a combined term for open change rooms and showers. how ironic!!!

PS * the bubble thing is basically a theory about everyone having a bubble surrounding them, which defines their comfort zone, the space belonging to them. thats why we get all worked up if someone comes to close to us, or if someone is staring at us, the eyes pierces the bubble. and have u notices, u know it intuitively if someone has been staring, and the instinctive glare you give back, girls would know better.
and a collary is that u let only those people into that bubble u trust and love, thats why a significant others touch or coming close feels so good, u can feel the warmth.

underground - literally!!!

a dark, seamy, often hidden area or side: thats underbelly, and mumbai has it. well NY has its underground, literally. The city, which soars up into the skies, goes, if not as much, significantly deep. the subway which snakes through tunnels built ages ago, many times three level below surface, many times with a tunnel at each of these level, one above the another.
the steam shafts, under the roads, spewing and sometimes bursting, but surprising with their presence and the hissing they make. and then there are the basements, with the steel trap doors. extending into the sidewalks, which u walk over without noticing, unless they make that 'stop with unexpected surprise' clanging, which open only late nights, after the shops they are under close. and then u discover this old wooden ladder, or sometimes a beltway, and a dirty dirty window to what goes on underneath. and its not only the basements which peek out to the world, the steam pipes, the subways all have their openings.

It always amazes me how far can the americans see, imagine planning the growth of the city on both sides, imagine planning out a city where 50 storeyed buildings stand over hollow tubes, a hundred pipes of a hundred sizes criss crossing the city.

take care.

PS: and i know, surprises are always unexpected, but using only surprise didnot fully express the sentiment.

random thoughts

have been looking to write all day long, was kind of inspired by a couple of things (one of which was comments from a person who was one of the persons i wanted this blog to be read), but didn't know what to write about, was not getting words. its amazing, am in a new city, a new country and still don't find a lot of stuff to write about.
anyways, i found NY to be weirdly bland to start with, not as colorful, quite mundane. things don't happen here, if ur in India, there are incidents happening everyday, floods, bomb blasts, strikes, they do add color to life, pull you of the rut.
but had a closer look, and atleast started hearing some voices. u hear sirens of all kinds at all times of the day, fire alarms, police cars, steam pipes blowing up and all sort of stuff. helicopters and ferries, and water breaking on the south seaport. a significant in my life, told me it takes time to know a city, peel of the layers, i am just starting too.

groups should never be mixed, especially if there are people who are not understanding, but rather are judgmental.

saw chak de india, beautifully done, well shah rukh still was quite plastic faced, but there were slivers of brilliance, but that apart, the director did a brilliant job, and i believe it was a huge step for yash raj movies to get out of the mind set of making commercially successful movies, and adding unnecessary content which they believe will ensure that.
this was a commercial movie, but was also very true to itself. there were no unnecessary additions, authenticity and genuineness were the objectives and were well achieved, through the accents, someone did their research, the starting comments about the north eastern girls, although offensive, were true in nature.
the movie was not cluttered, rather compared to some similar english movies seemed quite spread out. i wonder if that is because of the lack of good acting, which forces the director to be very elaborate on scenes. also the movie was not as exciting as should have been, the background music was to fault at some places.
anyways a great watch, with some good dialogues, and a beautiful script.

watched this in an asian theater, with some pakistanis sitting besides us, and was wondering how they would be feeling. was thinking if we are globalising, should we add content which goes down well with all audiences or be indian. still thinking...

take care.

city life of a mid, late 20's single...

the song, from life in a metro, describes city life of a mid, late 20's single beautifully. love the song.

in dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha
tu khaab saja, tu ji le jara
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat
berang si hai badi zindagi kuchh rang to bharoon
main apani tanahaayi ke waaste abbb kuchh toh karoon
jab mile thodi fursat, mujhse karle muhabbat
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat
usako chhupaakar main sabse kabhi le chaloon kahin door...
aankhon ke pyaalon kse pita rahoon usake chehre ka noor
iss jamaane se chhupakar, puri karloon main hasrat
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat
in dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha
tu khaab saja, tu ji le jara
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat

the culture of walkin...

heard this long time back, bombay is the NY of india, and always used to think 'no its not, maybe LA of india but surely not NY'. always used to think bangalore would be more fit to get that title, now that i am here, i guess none is truly NY, b'lore and b'bay together maybe but yea b'lore come closer, atleast has the potential.
one thing similar to both cities is the culture of walking, to office, back home, to buy food, just for the sake of walking. walking i guess is better then any mode, it gives you ample time to understand the city, to look at the faces, to understand the people. nothing whizzes by, everything seems still.
i don't know why any other city in india doesn't have this culture, maybe our desh is not meant to be walked in, or rather our cities are not, the pollution, the hustle, the speed of things kill you. there are no pavements, no trees on the side of the pavements, no flower pots kept to refresh you, no benches to relax on. here the buildings are on the edge of the pavements, you can entertain urself walking. and there is a non existent public transport system, no connectivity to most places, so instead of walking to the workplace or anyplace, people take their own vehicles, or ricks, which frankly are the worst mode of transport.
b'lore is one place i have seen some similarity, people walk, don't prefer it but for some reason do.
hopefully we'll be there soon.
take care.

desi's...

in NY, meeting a lot of the self named 'desi's...', a term i have come to hate, because it is so self deprecating, and also oxymoronic. why, well indians who are here, and else where (australia, UK) have a lot of attitude, and see India as a third world country, and are pretty proud of being out of their crowded, dirty desh, but still call them selves desi's, which like other terms give to other communities (blacks, afros etc) is used in a very self deprecating way.
its amazing how much people start cursing india after living out for only two years, and still don't forget the same habits they curse indians for!!! a girl, asking me not to go to a particular pub because its more of a pick up joint for 'horny indian software professionls' doesn't refrain from borrowing a cig every oppurtunity she gets,

and yes, we are indians everywhere, we still get everywhere late, we still litter and we still are not courteous just because its a how you should be, and most of us are still very cheap n stingy,

and there are so many of us everywhere, we rule tech everywhere.

take care.

military training

a friend was telling me about his NCC experiences, how they all used to wash up in the open taking water from tanks made out of tyres, of how dirty it used to be and how, in a seven day course, after resisting for four days, he ultimately took bath with that same water, wondering if his body would get cleaner or dirtier with that water.

of how, having been assigned to a tent where he knew no one, after four days of fighting they went on to become a team and competed for the inter tent competition as one, ultimately fighting with his friends during it...

and it has brought back an idea i have had for a long time now, why not make military style training compulsory. by military style i don't mean weapons, but yes, at least physical training, along with studies, carried out at a boarding camp.

first how i envision it working and then its benefits.

so what could happen is that in every state we could have four or five camps, with capacities running in to thousands maybe, where in the 8th and 9th standard, students live and go through all kinds of activities. the students are assigned on no particular basis, absolutely randomly, so u end up with a totally heterogeneous group, coming from all diverse backgrounds. the training should be compulsory for everyone, rich or poor, literate or illiterate, everyone at that age has to go to this training. the training will have two parts, one is the common curricula, which is standardised throughout the country, and another is the camp specific curricula, where for example, camps in forest areas can have treks as the physical activity. the curricula would be macro, acads will be a small part, but life skills a major part, can teach about the country, about values, and it should foster debate(which as a generation we have forgotten) of course the entire camp is tailored on military camp lines, just not as intense. so getting up at 5 is a rule. and also wearing the same stuff, having the same belongings is a rule.

how will it help, well...

will integrate the country, all kids at that very very clayey age will come in contact with different cultures, and learn to be accepting and understanding, the north south divide should end, the country will be more aware of the east, the west will be more aware of the country. will also create a bonding across barriers because no barriers are allowed here.

mental toughness gets developed, kids learn to adapt to the different, living at the worst prepares the kids for life and anything that it throws at 'em. also they start recognising the inner core of others instead of judging them by the external skins, as the external skins over a two years are peeled off.

kids get an opportunity to explore, as they are in a different environment, where they get a chance to see the new and different. they get to explore all different activities available.

staying away from parents and the comfort and security of the home,

creates a fraternity kind of an environment, which means kids start feeling proud and passionate about something, they learn what is self respect, and respect, they get over the chalta hai cavalier attitude, they build teams, leaders are born.

they learn to integrate with nature, live off the earth or close to it.

our vast country can be explored, imagine someone coming from green kerala in dry rajasthan,

well there are many more, and some negatives as well, but i guess this should happen.

why it might not, or is difficult, well economics need to be worked out, who is gonna conduct it...? well my vote is for the paramilitary forces or even the armed forces. it is a vast programme, which at least at the start will eat up the resources of the country, but the long term benefits as a country, it is, i believe worth the money.

take care

second chance!!!

i have always believed that life gives you a second chance at everything, opprtunity knocks twice. but over the last five years, with the events happening in 'mine and others very close to me' lives, i started doubting it. and was kind of scared.
but over the past few days, i have seen them come again, and people grabbing them.
so be hopeful of life, it might take long, but it does come back, u do get a second chance. have the patience to go through the in between period, which might be really tought.
'umeed par zindagi kayam hai'

i was talking to someones about punishments and retribution, and realised that if on doing something wrong, u realise it in your heart, and u are really sorry about it, some how life understands that and doesn't hit you that hard, the punishments are less intense, sometimes not there. so if you do something wrong, own up to it, to others but more so to ur heart, helps.

or could be that if u realise ur wrongdoing, u accept the punishment and go through it without feeling cheated. what ever the case, own up to it, be true in your heart.

take care.

my school of life...

college really, but we called it school, and i was there today, back to the campus i spent five very short years, which taught me more about life, which has shaped me more into what i am today, or rather which let me shape myself, all the while teaching me nothing helpful for my present career academically, a career which is poles apart from what i was trained for in those five years.

i can't describe my school to anyone who has not been there, simply because they could never imagine what i did there. a campus where 24 hours for five years used to seem like one unending short day, we never partied in college, not the kind of parties i go to now, but it truly was the best club i went to. it was an oasis in the center of the city, where even though being one of the best campuses in the country, it had managed to stay so distant from the rest of the city, no one outside would even know we existed. there were stories about the campus floating around, and many true, but no one could ever imagine to what extent. the campus didn't have a fence surrounding it till very recently, but no one even noticed such a huge area of land right in the center of the city.

a campus where the parking lot has never been empty for many years, even for a single minute, where music and smoke and energy hovers even in mid summer breaks, where the old and new merge seamlessly, where an architecture school was designed to have no washrooms!!
a campus which u entered as 'i' but within the first month, u were changed to a ceptian, a campus where there were no seniors after the first month, everyone was given the freedom to be themselves, where beautiful works of art, made with amazing amount of hard work and effort and zeal, were made with the knowledge that they won't survive till the end of the semester, will be replaced by something new.
where the lingo was so built in to everyday language, where 'launch ho gaya', 'death aa gaayi' and 'fuck amazing' described everyday happenings like nothing else, a place where people were known more by the wierdest of nick names, all throughout their lives.

a campus where even the basic infra was all wrong, we had peon steel stools to sit on, after the initial week butts used to pain, stool which were put horizontally on the floor to seat two. where drafting tables were well, simply huge tables which had to be covered by thick sheets of paper to draw anything, a campus where no one blinked on seeing anything out of the blue, the colors all mixed in so well, weird n different was the only excepted way.
a campus where creativity flowed from the most traditional, most orthodox, where doped and smoked people performed garba in the most traditional of way, followed by an arti at 4 in the night, attended and done by people wearing shorts and kurtas, and almost all bare footed.
where i could walk bare foot all daylong, attend lectures dripping wet, sit on the floor in the studio, hell sit on the floor anywhere, be there to open the studios before the peons (i knew where the keys were...)
where u could sit and chat and do all kinds of stuff in the deans cabin, enter the lib long after it was closed (and own up to it without being thrown out too...)

where u found all kinds of animals, dogs (with collars and names -'gotu, still alive' and over dog lovers and haters used to actually fight), fearless squirrels, a monster of a goat, monkeys, a cow once and even pigs, but never cats, and all kinds of humans, long haired, no hair, no eyebrows, clothes, semi nude and sometimes indescribable,
a campus which had a parallel economy, with our canteen coupons accepted as currency even outside the campus.
where proffs were friends, where there was no official way of doing stuff, where there were no after hours.

CEPT was life, and and it taught me how to live life. it taught me how to be open, accepting n be different. how to get respect out of top people in any organisation, and respect the least of a person. how to handle dead bodies, how to walk 40 ks a day, and drive more then 100ks sometimes and still be back to the campus, no one ever went home
.
it taught me nothing about what i am doing today, but gave me and everyone an opportunity to do something different, have the guts to go out and explore, and make a life out of it. i never would know how to thank my school,

someone told me before i joined college, these will be the best years of ur life, till now they were, and also it doesn't really matter what u graduate in, all u need is life skills, thanks to CEPT i got those.

for all u people confused about what to do after 12th, u would not know till u have done ur grads, u cannot discover urself so early, so just go ahead and go to a great campus which teaches u life and the art of exploration, and make ur life then.

and by the way, i still do not have my passing out degree from CEPT uni, but then i have myself to show for to prove that i went there.

take care.

PS: http://www.cept.ac.in/ if interested to learn life...

home!!!

back home after a long time, three months actually, but this time, even three months seem long. maybe because i lived quite a life in these last three months, enjoyed life after a long time. lived every day, every moment. maybe because nothing is really calling me back to where i came from. so i get time to enjoy the moment.

back home, and nothing is changed, nothings changed about how i feel about my home, the familiarity, the sense of belonging, the sense of owning. there are small cosmetic changes, but its still home.
am at peace here, no where else. i have told this countless times to countless friends, after work, i really don't feel relaxed coming to my room, after the days over at office, i wonder what to do, try to find things to do which will delay my inevitable return to my room, because there is no one waiting for me there. its just an empty lifeless room, nothing i can call mine. but here i have people waiting, dogs waiting, my entire setup (comp and TV side by side) waiting. there are midnight snacks waiting, cold water in the fridge, the floor is waiting for me to walk around, the view from my balcony is waiting.

and the city is waiting, i love this city, ahmedabad, my abode, well on and off abode for last 11 odd years, waiting, ahmedabad is different from any other city i have seen, its huge, bursting at it seems, its quite well developed, malls and stuff, and u'd expect it to be very fast, but there is this laziness about the pace of this city, it never seems rushed. there are no hassels here, everyone is happy in doing what they do, i love this city, or may be i am just too familiar with it.

home also brings back memories, the city brings back memories, of times spent together, loving or fighting, but spent together. memories which i thouht had faded, but they lurk around right around the corner. and the problem with memories is that they always make life seem incomplete, because life was kinda complete when i was living those memories.

for sometime almost exactly an year ago, i found home in someone, the presence made me feel at home, the touch made me relax, forget the day and come to peace. home is nothing but familiarity, security and trush, and by that definition, i have many varying degrees of home. home is not a place, its people, its touch, its the warmth u feel.

take care.

selfish??

i have been accused of being selfish for quite some time, me always wondering what it meant, not understanding why.
it only dawned on me when i complained to others about them being selfish, and suddenly it realised what it meant to be selfish.

its the lack of empathy for people, thinking about urself always, expecting things all the time.

i have many friends who are great with me when i am good with them, when i am happy they like me, but as soon as i stop talking because of lack of space in my head, they accuse me of forgetting them, and stop talking to me. that is selfish. and i believe that is not a friend but an acquaintance.

humans are selfish, like every being on earth, we just sometimes understand it, and because we do, we are social beings; and because we do, we feel guilty all the time. its the worst feeling of all, and if u realise it, it drives many of our actions.

i have been and still am very selfish, and am guilty of it.

take care.

out of the blue, n leaves u all colored.

there are incidents/happenings/observations which happen out of the blue and leave u thinking, wondering, and give such a sexy concoction of feelings, it takes time to digest, and ultimately leaves u marked in someway.
was standing at the Mayo Hall bus stop near MG, waiting for a bus, and suddenly, a voice in perfect english asked me if i had six bucks. i turned to see a very old guy, in almost a gandhian attire, with one of those black classic chattas (calling it an umbrella just wouldn't do justice to it) hanging from his arm. I looked questioningly, wondering, kind of surprised by someone speaking perfect english, accented to an english proff perfection, and still asking for money and he says " i have to catch a bus, and need six bucks for the ticket. i asked where did he want to go, and he said market (which is where almost 50% of buses of bangalore end up).
as i took out my wallet, he blabbered that he would have walked, but since its raining its difficult. market is atleast 7ks away.

i gave him ten bucks, and he said a nice thank you and walked off, and my gaze followed him all the way to the other bus stop.
had so many mixed feelings, a bit of pity, and a lot of appreciation and some amusement. pity because i know how dignified people are beyond a certain age, and it must have take so much for him to get over his sense of dignity and ask. his voice was so small, almost ashamed. at that moment felt like hugging him, he left me beautiful.

somethings are way beyond expectations. they come totally out of the blue. and banglore seems to be full of them, the guy sleeping at a bus stop with a coil, a total stranger, and an aged one requesting for money in dictionary english, leaves u thinking... 'Expect everything' doesn't work here for sure.

i believe that everyone has their destiny or rather they choose their destiny with their karma, and everyone pays for what they do, at some point or another, but really wish that beyond a certain age, only good things should happen to a person. it goes against the entire karma philosophy that i believe in, but am pretty sure, that u couldn't have lived a lifetime without doing any good in life, and the fruits of those deeds should come when ur beyond a certain age.

everyone keeps on complaining why me, whenever something bad happens, what did i do?? i never did anything wrong to anyone, but then we human can look back just as much as our memories permit, and mostly we rub even that off from our slate, just to keep a good self image, but what ever force there is, it doesn't. it always comes back, and because it comes to us after we have erased our memory slate, we feel cheated, or sometimes undeserving. if only there was instant punishment or instant gratification, we'd atleast feel content and justified. if only...

and i do believe that ones deeds are passed down generations, u pay for what ur ancestors have done, and u also sometimes reap the benefits. i don't know if its justified, can't find a logical rational justification, but it does happen. goodwill is what people and now some corporates call it.

so when we are born, our slate already has stains on it, marks on it, and when we leave, we stain some one else's slate.
i wish we could come and go with a clean slate always, wish genetics didn't play such a huge role.
but then i guess it only causes problems at the beginning and the end, the middle is always u. theres only that long that u can enjoy good will or pay for misdeeds.

Keeps ur senses attuned to the small thing in the world, they are beautiful.

take care.

impatience

why is every one today so impatient, they want everything now, do everything now, why so, r we all dying soon?? or is it that life is a race not a morning walk kind of funda.

in our impatience, we miss out so many things, we miss out the now more then anything. and not only that, we mess up the now many times.

crossing roads, why don't people wait for the lights to turn green, why do pedestrian cross at the first break in traffic, inevitably halting some vehicle or another, causing a jam.

if they would just have waited those extra 40 seconds or so, everyone would have crossed.

why are we so impatient to get the next jump in job, without actually fully accomplishing the one we have right now.

impatience and dissatisfaction.

live now, enjoy the ride, what ever pace it come at. if its going slow, u have more time to enjoy the views, get into the details. stop running so hard. its a long walk, and not a sprint.

take care.

the perfect relationships

long time, didn't have much to say.

A truth that i realised some time ago, and got confirmed by someone else today...

girls keep on searching for perfection, without realising what perfection is for them. satisfaction is something they don't get unless they are tied down, unless they don't have a choice.

guys just wanna be comfortable.

if u have gone through it, u'd know what i am talking about.

take care

one ear, two legs...any suggestions??

was waiting at a bus stand, and bangalore has these rain water drains running below the pavement, with inlets from the road, suddenly out of one of these inlets, a cat, white, emerged n pounced on something. then it dragged itself to a side n sat there.

its legs were crushed, ever had chicken legs, seen the bare bones after chewing off the meat, thats how its hind legs were. and one was broken and dangling at the hip, no paws, just stumps.

one of its ears had been cut off, the other was still standing alert. had injuries on its neck, stomach, and had bruised front leg pits (analogy to armpits), because of the stress it had to undergo dragging itself.

the stumps were dry, the injury atleast a week old, and it was surviving, not too thin.

took it to the animal shelter, first the clinic and then the actual shelter.

doc said might have to amputate both hind legs, and then survival will be difficult. should put to sleep. and i said give her a chance.

practical animal lover, because i have always been pro euthanasia, if the disease is incurable. i have seen and understood the need of dogs been caught by the municipal dog catchers, when other fellow dog lovers used to cry. i knew it was necessary.

but yesterday i couldn't bear to know the fact that i won't survive. was asking the doc to give her a chance, she might survive, reasoning she had survived so long without any help.

the cat kept on crying all the way in the rick, afraid of the speed, very insecure, was hiding her face behind my back, as soon as reached the cattery at the shelter, saw the other cats and was at peace.

am thinking of a good name for her, even if just for a week. hopefully more. one ear, two legs...any suggestions??

a couple was at the clinic with their Alsatian, dead on arrival, its body lying on a strecher. first i though it was under the affect of some anesthetic, never imagined dog deaths. they were crying bitterly, the lady had put her head on his chest and she was crying bitterly. they left soon, took his collar as remembrance, couldn't stand the thought of even looking at him. i almost cried.

life goes on..!

take care.

live more...

walking down a by lane near brigade, today, i saw this old lady with crutches fallen on the footpath, on the opposite side of the road. she was crying bitterly, had bandages on both her ankles. her screams were piercing the cloud of noise, and making people uncomfortable. and i stood there for a second and walked on.

few steps and i saw a dog, a black n grey pom i guess, really bad coat, limping a bit, with a brown collar, most probably abondoned. and i don't know why but i felt more compassion for the dog then for the lady. thought of picking him up, doing something, then suddenly thought what does that say about me, have more compassion for dogs then people.

also was wondering, what drives us to do some good things, have always found me to be totally random, sometimes i do, sometimes i don't. still trying to find out what makes me do what i do in such places.

went to an animal shelter after that, CUPA in bangalore, beautiful place, they take care of all abondoned, sick, injured animals from the street and also help people out with their pets. saw all kinds of dogs in all kinds of situations, a couple who were starved so much, at the widest their chest n stomach were no more then my index finger. one whoes paw had been crushed. one who was so afraid of being tied up, he was pulling his chain with all his strength, people there said he does it always, every day, every second.

some had been so brutalised, u could see the fear for the human stench in their eyes, my friend thought, a dog not coming to him for petting was the dogs attitude, what did he know, it was not attitude but fear.

they all, though, had a spirit to live. they wanted to be petted, n scratched,

and there was still life. there were atleast 50 puppies, all born there, and some were so small, so cute.

n then there was a pug, his hind legs was paralysed, couldn't get up, and was put in a cage. he coudln't get up, couldn't move, all he could do was sit on his hind, and he was hungry, desperate for love. his eyes were gorging out at the sight of us there, he wanted so much love. and i, today felt helpless. for once, i could get over my coldness to feel in my heart. the vet lady, said, almost pleadingly, we r looking for someone who can give 24 hours to him, else he won't survive. and i just stood their. helpless.

was thinking, dogs too have their luck, the hutch pug makes a lac a year, is carried in a lap at all times, n this one is just waiting to be touched, to be petted. he didnot even know how to absorb when we were petting him, wanted more, even when we were scratching him, he was afraid that it will go away, n only if he could collect it in a box and get it out whenever he wanted it.

ever felt like that, when u wanted to capture someones love n care, because u knew it wouldn't be there for long..!

there were a couple of just born monkey kids, afraid at first, n showing off their skills after sometime. cuddling with each other, in their fear n their joy, because they knew there was no one else.

ever felt like that, u become close to someone u don't necessarily like, simply because of the time u spend with them, u start caring, even if u don't love. because thats the only one u can share with, sharing ties the bond.

we are living without any objective today, just living, a conversation a day before, look how firangs live for something more then jsut money n a good life and just plain fun, look at us, living for the weekends.

get over whatever is stopping u, start living.

live more. i want to...

take care.

the great indian aerosmith show!!!

Indian Ocean is far better, atleast u don't feel like they are doing a favour by coming here n putting up a show. because thats exactly how aerosmith felt like. 1800 bucks down the drain, would have been totally wasted if it was not for the b'lore crowd.
and indian ocean doesn't feel like a show, a very managed planned out show. aerosmith came out rocking, their was no build up, no usual up and downs in the tempo, what was there was a very managed show, where the contract ruled how many songs, and above that which songs.
they didn't sing the crowd fav, well indian crowd fav's but played some of their new album songs expecting the crowd to sing along. should have studied the market and come. at the end of it, we, select few were almost begging them to play some more, but were left feeling cheated and shouting abuses.

one of my friends pointed out, that all these bands come to india only at the fag end of their careers, when no one is listening to them in the states or europe, when will a nelly furtrado or an eminem come here??

don't think it was a waste of money, bangalore crowds were there to watch, and it is a beautiful crowd, i guess thats why the shows come here. a mix of all kinds, but all looking very vibrant, we are a young country for sure, by age and heart.

take care.

(found this saved in my drafts, left me wondering why was it not published because i sure as hell was pissed off that night...)

An Info advert by Bangalore Traffic Police

I keep on telling everyone, Future is in India!!!

All those who crib about life here, we are getting there..!

jumbled up lives...

there are so many parts to our existence, we exist differently at home, at work, at friends place. like cats our lives are very place specific, and sometimes very people specific as well.
each of these sub existence might have a color of its own, home life may be very happy when office life sucks, relation with parents might be really good when the one with significant person person might not be.
and the problem with these sub existences is that they keep on permeating each other, they keep on crossing the boundaries, we bring one life into another. and since negativity is the dominant force in life, one negative life, one black life, makes all other colors dark, and sometimes as dark as black itself.
negativity at one life darkens our heads which controls all our lives, and life in our head seems dark, even the whites are seen with dark shades over our eyes.
don't mix up lives, if u do make sure u mix them so well that they are the same color. don't let ur professional woes affect ur emotional relations. if they do, make sure ur emotional relations are understanding enough, strong enough to withstand 'em. else keep to urself, share but don't transmit it to another life.

my dad once said - never bring ur office home, and home to office. never let one aspect of ur life affect the other. keep it seperate.

its such a disappointment when someone doesn't share the same intensity of passion or joy or happiness that you have about something which is very personal to you. and it takes away a part of that joy from u, u start doubting, whether what ur feeling and the magnitude of it, is it really worth!!!

and when ur joys are shared in the same intensity, the joy multiplies.

ever been in a team which has won something after a lot of hard effort, the victory celebrations go on n on, the memories, everytime recalled, have the same effect.

but thats in a team, where everyone was responsible for the victory, is it possible for someone to get the same intensity of feelings for someone else's victories, or losses. If there is someone, that i believe is true love. love which transcends selfishness.

take care.

'Life in a metro" - 20 reasons to see it twice...

why

1) for the dialogues -

" did u leave her or did she leave u?"

" i guess love left us..."

khamosiyon ki ladayi - the wars of silence

and many more... listen to the lyrics of the song.

2) for being so so sleek in its treatment and through its cinematography

3) for peeling of the thick crust of hustle bustle and showing the calmness, tranquility of bombay which lies underneath, for being the first movie which makes mumbai look like NY, gives it the same charm, a soul an ultra sleek look.

4) for being able to capture mumbai monsoon so beautifully

5) for the sensitive treatment given to each story (watch the love scene between dharmendra n nafisa ali)

6) for how the stories all end up at the same place (n the station looks beautiful)

7) for knowing that not all the stories have a happy ending

8) for the guts of the director, and the actor (irfan khan) to portray what a male really thinks, and justifying it beautifully.

9) for kay kay menon who has the guts not to shy away from doing such filthy characters. (first was in sarkar)

10) the beautiful dialogue delivery of the bengali girl (forget her name)

11) for the beauty of kangana raut, and also her portrayal of a lonely person who'd go through anything for getting the feeling of being loved n wanted, where all the facts n logic are glazed over by hope(also in gangster)

12) for how the feature length song has been integrated into the movie

13) for the song - n the band - n the looks of the band - n their ability to change the tempo as per the movie - n the vocalist who looks like that firang singer who sang "i would do anything for love, but not that"

14) for making people laugh, at regular n surprising intervals

15) for shilpa shetty, looks n acts good.

16) for bringing back dharmendra n more so for nafisa ali

17) ahhh tired... for tackling love the way it was.

18) for how the shilpa shetty kay kay menon thread ends - u'd expect her to leave him but how she gives her family another chance, for showing how big a girls heart can be, n how small a man's brain...

19) for how the story continues along with the credits

20) for there are so many more, just go n watch it, if u have, then a second time, these are the sort of movies where u discover something new eveytime u see 'em, as in matrix, departed, KANK (yea yea...i liked it a lot)

n yea the b'lore crowd needs to be cheered,

for staying till the credits ended,

n for cheering the movie, appreciating it.

n also the theater which showed the credits...

A homeless man sleeping at a bus stand, notice the 'kachua chaap' coil!!!
Surprising n Adorable.

Brought a smile to my face.
(click on the pic to enlarge)

the unending reservations debate!!

so ru for reservations or against them?? and specify what kind of reservations are we talking about, based on economic status or based on social status. and is helping economically (loans etc) a better option to reservations.
well majority of arguments are against reservations, simply because anything given for free is always taken for granted, misused. Reservations are crutches given to able bodied people, which makes them dependant.
the entire logic behind reservations is that the upper castes have been priviledged all these years, and thus now have to make up, pay up. so they have to give up some of their priviledges to the unpriviledged.
one argument often offered by many youth is that our generation doesnot believe in discrimination on any basis, we are ready to give a fair chance in a competitive environment to anyone ready to fight. Why should we pay for what our fore-generations did??
well then aren't we as a country being double sided, on the carbon emission front, we are accusing the developed countries of harming the environment for so long that they should pay up now, own up to it and cut emissions even though our own emissions are responsible for a major portion of the total emissions today.
we should take responsibility right,

anyways talking about the environment, its such a huge oppurtunity for us, if we start reserach on environmentally friendly technology, we'd rule even after the pension years kick in. but here we are, being defensive as usual, not grabbing the oppurtunity. there was an article in sunday times somedays back saying the same.

take care.