Sunday, July 20, 2008

random thoughts (in a mildly drunk state)

you are incluenced so much by people ur in love with, people who care about you, not necessarily who you care about, a friend of mine, is freshly in love...and i am priveledged to see him changing, metamorposisd into something no one would have ever imagined him to be...and is just not because that significant other wants him to change, its his will, his want to change for her, why, i wonder, maybe so that he doesn't disappoint her, maybe so that he doesn't disappoint himself by not standing up to the challenge.
its something about love, being in love, being in illusion of being love, it takes you to an energy level which is unattainable otherwise.
on a different note, i am with friends who are all almost all comfortably numb, except for this one guy, well not today, but mostly it happens that that one drunk guy or the presence of any girl (who somehow are always sane even when drunk, they either are sane, or they totally pass out) u feel insecure about putting it all out there, pouring your heart out. its a known fact, in drunk guy parties, mostly one guy always cries, pours his heart out. somehow that intoxicated state helps him overcome his inhibitions, makes him feel more comfortable feeling vulnerable. and they pour their hearts out.
another fact, you getting drunk has no corelation with the amount that you drink, you can drunk in a couple of pegs, or stay sane even after an addha...(funny, keeping track of english grammar rules even when using hindi words). its all on the state of mind you are in, you have been in. if you wanna get drunk, if you have things to pour out, you can create the illusion to urself even with a drink.
by the way, girls can never make out when a guy is drunk, except for girls who them selves have got drunk (and the criteiron for being drunk is that you have puked atleast once). they have these ideas, which mostly have been generated out of watching the drunk people in hindi movies, and they think, that slurred speech, not holding a glass right, is being drunk, well its not. you have no idea what being drunk is, i don't either. its a state of being, a state of being out of control, of feeling free, of forgetting everything, of not worrying about getting up the next day, of not worrying that your girlfriend or parents might call and you might not pick up. its like the supreme yoga state, when u start seeings lights in front of your eyes, and after sometime, even that stops, its that state of relaxation...its beautiful.
what else...cranberries playing...quite loud. last time around cops came to our place, looking to make some money.
i have seen responsible guys loosing control, not because they are drunk enough, but because they want to...guys risking everything...somehow guys want to, once in a while, want to feel that they are above all the risks in live. about all their responsibilites. its exhilirating for them, that bike ride at 90 whne u shouldn't be even driving, it somehow reaffirms their confidence in themselves, helps them believe that they can face anything that comes their way...its pure stupid guy thing, they are pigs, don't have brains, just brawn...and that ways i am a total guy. its difficult to get a guy out of a guy.
everyone is so selfish, everyone, out of everything they do, they want somethign out of it. every smile you give, u expect a smile back, because it feels good. i realised this fact long time back, and it was reaffiremd by phoebe, in friends. there is not unselfish act.
lots for now, take care