everyone compromises...

had this long free wheeling discussion with pi yesterday...and she made a statement...everyone compromises.

well yes everyone does...but please don't compromise at everything... don't you want to have that one thing, that one dream that u don't want to compromise on...something which u might or might not achieve...but have pursued all ur life with an unwavering focus. maybe an ideal, maybe a person, maybe somethign materialistic, money even. but nothing, has changed ur dedication towards it.

that one thing which at the end ur proud off...even though pursual of which has made ur life tough, maybe even, not worth living, but then at the end of it, atleast u have something to be proud of. something for which u can say, well life lost out to me at this...

its difficult, over a lifetime, life makes u compromise on everything one by one, and at every such point, that small defeat kills the fighter in you, it makes u start accepting life as it comes. the chalta hai attitude starts coming in, the big deal re attidude. and slowly and surely, you start turning into a robot, because u stop caring really.

after compromising on a whole lot of things, today am holding on to one thing, i told pi yesterday and i tell myself everday, i will fight as long as i can...and she asked me too...

lets see, time will tell.

take care.

ank

PS : watching serendipity...belongs in the setions on the right but its a beautilful movie...talks about fate and luck and signs...something i believe in and have seen in my life. also realised that maybe you should be looking for them to actually see them. anyways nice movie...

idae for an reality tv show...

there is this new show on ndtv goodtimes...which is one of the few channels showing actually good stuff...and the anchors look intell..anyways the show is ...and kate and 8...a show about this couple who have two 6 years olds and 6 two years olds...its their tagline. i remember that when the couple had this sixtuples (there is some other words but this is the logical word), there were worries how they would support such a big family. guess the money they are getting from this show would help. but then the thought that i have had for long, which i actually though, i should suggest to some intell channle like ndtv is...why not have reality shows where you actually describe the life of common people. pick up anyone, a house help maid, a rag picker, a carpenter, a security gaurd, a rickshaw driver, a female bus conductor, people who are not profiled otherwise, who don't have 'interesting for a tv show' kinda happening life, pick them and profile one week in their life. make it interesting, simply by compressing maybe a year or a phase into one week, thats fine.

it seems their life is uninteresting...but once u look deeper, u know their cirumstances and how they hand them is so much more interestng then the usual high profile buisnessmen and actors and politicians...

i once started chatting with a rickshaw driver, was going somewhere late at night, he was a muslim, i asked him how come he is driving so late, and his flat answer, i get 1.5 times, so in less time can make up the same money. plus their is no traffic, its less safe, but i can handle that. and then he told me about his family and stuff...was fun, but more then that, i really wanted to share his story with others. it was remarkable in its own way.

and then there is this rag picker lady, who follows a schedule everyday, and once in a while wears this flaming red kurta but would never wash her head. she hair the kind which has not been washed for ages...and she loves watchign TV. there's a pic of her here....

am wondering if i have written this before!!!

arranged marriages...

its an oxymoron for me, arranged marriage. marriage i always have believed is after love, well actually i truly believe that marriage is not even necessaary. being in love is the only necessity. you might be miles apart, but still can be together. its the thought, the feeling of having someone somewhere which is more important, methinks.

anyways, back to arranged marriages. they are unnatural, they are weird and they are something i cannot get into my head. people say, and i have been told umpteen times, the concept of arranged marriages has changed in india now, now its not that your parents meet, decide on a match, you get to meet once if at all, and they you marry, and u fall in love...hopefully. if you don't, live it, because ur married and ur have committed to it. well thats simply making two people live under the same roof by force, not by their will, and after sometime they are resigned to their fate. and then finally once they have given up, they get used to it, and a habit is formed. i call it love by habit....its not love, its just a habit you form...

no no no...arranged marriages have changed, now you get to meet the girl / guy before hand, you get to gauge them, you get to know 'em, you get to connect with 'em, you get to find out your compatibility with them. Bull shit.

its still the same, yes you get to meet them before hand, but its so unnatural. its awkward, you are not urself, and neither is the other person. you are looking for things, you already have set your standards, what you want and what you don't want, and so you miss out on what you might get. there are always the practical things coming in your head, how much money does he make, does she look good enough, will he/she care for my parents...you gauge all of this through a QnA session. and answers never tell the whole truth.

when you fall in love, its always by accident, u never expect to fall in love with a person, it just happens, sometimes without you even knowing about it. you like the good things, but you don't question the bad things. you just fall in love, practical things don't come in, its just ur heart thinking, ur head doesn't come into the picture for a long time, and the third body part for a longer time, hopefully...

love is always pure, both the good and bad are pure, from the heart, natural. arranged marriage is just unnatural.

i always rememeber that scene from Hyderabad Blues, where the to be couple are sitting on the couch, staring at the floor. and that i juxtapose with that new coca cola ad with aamir khan, where a couple gets their parents to meet. i like the movie, but i would any day prefer the ad situation.

this is a putting it out there post...enjoy!!!

btw some terms that make sense, arranged love, love by habit.

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attended a debated on 'arranged marriages work afterall...'the after all part makes it really interesting. this was followed by thoughts shared by which were kinda different and made a lot of sense and got me thinking...

so for the sake of a debate here are some thoughts...

so there are two perspectives right...one if u can't find anyone..or rather never have been exposed to something like love...have never really been attracted to someone, then yes arranged marriages are a good option. The only option, and this is something that’s no there in western countires. But then how you can go through 20 odd years without being attracted to someone is a mystery to me. arranged marriages u stability, security which u might not find other wise. agree with the its a union of families...and that is there by default in arranged marriages point. You get a social support, because as far as the society is concerned you are aligned with what they expect you to do, but that’s not the right reason for arranged marriages. If society can’t accept love marriages, its their problem. and yes, love marriages work is a falllacy, a couple who got love married recently told me that love last a month, after which it is like any other marriage, u compromise there as well, the only different is that here you are more ready, surprises / shocks are less. Even if you fall in love (which btw is not love but more of an acceptance) everything new makes u question, was it the right decision, and then u feel resigned to ur fate, ‘ah well this is what I get’ and then if ur one of those (cough cough) girls who think ‘we’ll change him’ u start the painful process of chain someone....

arranged marriages are good in one way, you put in more effort to make it work...with love marriage, since it is a choice u have made, it’s easier to walk away then putting in the effort. Of course if you’d know the pain after walking away, then u would never walk away...

love is different, accidental and very illogical in the sense, u really don’t know what u like, its just a feeling u get...and so nothing else really matters. Even if it does after some time, you accept it, it’s a haq kind of a feeling...

after 20 years of marriage I don’t think anyone really remembers if it was a love marriage or arranged one, they seem to be the same. On surface and in the depths...ur both just living together. But then for me it’s very frankly an ego thing...no compromises, at least in this.

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take care.

you do / think / use something for long enough and you start getting more out it then its supposed to give...listen to a song over and over again, and it starts making more sense, gives more meaning then i should. you see it in a different light. 

rock on was a beautiful movie, a movie about how you have to give up your dreams, but also about how you get second chances, just have to take them. a movie about how if not following ur dream, you would never be esctactic, you might be happy, but you would never laugh loud enough...anyways the movie starts out with college going guys, and this song captures one of their biggest problem...they don't really care, which means they don't ever question anything. the chalta hai attitude, the kya faraq padta hai attitude...and mera kya jaata hai attitude...  

lyrics here. a couple of lines given below:

behti kyun hai har nadi 
hoti kya hai roshni 
barf girti hai kyun 
dost kyun hain roothte 
taare kyun hain toot-te 
baadlon mein bijli hai kyun