Friday, June 22, 2007

out of the blue, n leaves u all colored.

there are incidents/happenings/observations which happen out of the blue and leave u thinking, wondering, and give such a sexy concoction of feelings, it takes time to digest, and ultimately leaves u marked in someway.
was standing at the Mayo Hall bus stop near MG, waiting for a bus, and suddenly, a voice in perfect english asked me if i had six bucks. i turned to see a very old guy, in almost a gandhian attire, with one of those black classic chattas (calling it an umbrella just wouldn't do justice to it) hanging from his arm. I looked questioningly, wondering, kind of surprised by someone speaking perfect english, accented to an english proff perfection, and still asking for money and he says " i have to catch a bus, and need six bucks for the ticket. i asked where did he want to go, and he said market (which is where almost 50% of buses of bangalore end up).
as i took out my wallet, he blabbered that he would have walked, but since its raining its difficult. market is atleast 7ks away.

i gave him ten bucks, and he said a nice thank you and walked off, and my gaze followed him all the way to the other bus stop.

had so many mixed feelings, a bit of pity, and a lot of appreciation and some amusement. pity because i know how dignified people are beyond a certain age, and it must have take so much for him to get over his sense of dignity and ask. his voice was so small, almost ashamed. at that moment felt like hugging him, he left me beautiful.

somethings are way beyond expectations. they come totally out of the blue. and banglore seems to be full of them, the guy sleeping at a bus stop with a coil, a total stranger, and an aged one requesting for money in dictionary english, leaves u thinking... 'Expect everything' doesn't work here for sure.

i believe that everyone has their destiny or rather they choose their destiny with their karma, and everyone pays for what they do, at some point or another, but really wish that beyond a certain age, only good things should happen to a person. it goes against the entire karma philosophy that i believe in, but am pretty sure, that u couldn't have lived a lifetime without doing any good in life, and the fruits of those deeds should come when ur beyond a certain age.

everyone keeps on complaining why me, whenever something bad happens, what did i do?? i never did anything wrong to anyone, but then we human can look back just as much as our memories permit, and mostly we rub even that off from our slate, just to keep a good self image, but what ever force there is, it doesn't. it always comes back, and because it comes to us after we have erased our memory slate, we feel cheated, or sometimes undeserving. if only there was instant punishment or instant gratification, we'd atleast feel content and justified. if only...

and i do believe that ones deeds are passed down generations, u pay for what ur ancestors have done, and u also sometimes reap the benefits. i don't know if its justified, can't find a logical rational justification, but it does happen. goodwill is what people and now some corporates call it.

so when we are born, our slate already has stains on it, marks on it, and when we leave, we stain some one else's slate.
i wish we could come and go with a clean slate always, wish genetics didn't play such a huge role.
but then i guess it only causes problems at the beginning and the end, the middle is always u. theres only that long that u can enjoy good will or pay for misdeeds.

Keeps ur senses attuned to the small thing in the world, they are beautiful.

take care.

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