Friday, September 28, 2007

causes...

a 31.5 hour day; a 60 min call, and a 15 min follow up; small expectation; and them getting fulfilled; cake all over; a stained hugo boss shirt; washing a stained hugo boss shirt; nice weather; and the NY skyline; light past midnight rain; loud soft music; long walk; lots of smoke; lots of wishes; spamming sessions; unlocking and relocking; beautiful pics; tej in the eyes; new expressions; many cards; most arriving before the day; margarita mix and vodka; attitudes; percieved subtle power struggles; fading memories; and their struggle to persist; no baggage; cancelled meetings; hot machine coffee; bad imitation of oprah winfrey; friday; no resolutions, maintain as is... ; end of the worst year; peace or atleast a hint of it...

i don't know what caused it, but its a good day.

happy birthday....
take care.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

labeled...

they are everywhere, labels, everyone of us has it. think about it ur name is a label, it tell everyone where ur coming from, what caste ur, and to the more discerning of people, a hell lot more. whats ur nature, what can be ur possible occupation, what ur good at, what ur not. bengali hai to will be a critical thinker, and thats where it ends, gujju hai to has to have a good business mind, androids have to be brainy, punjus have to be good showpeople, good at marketing...

libra hai to has to be a good judge, cancer has to be emotional, scorpion has to be secretive.

and labels are everywhere, the school ur came from is a label, the company u work for is a label, the book ur currenly reading is a label.

label are so in use because they help simplify life, pass on information in form of collective knowledge. thats how people living at the other end of the country, who have never been to delhi, hate delhites. labels are one word defnitions, which tell so much about a person, and most of this is derived from history of many people who shared that common label.

my problem with being labeled is that it assumes a lot, even if 80% of what ur is defined by the label, it doens't describe u in ur entirety. and then that uniqueness of u is lost.that 20%, or maybe even that 1%, labels never let u dig deeper into a person, u think u know someone just because u know their label. but then u don't know whats different in them and what made them different from fellow labels of the same kind.

don't let labels let u assume everything, it can be a good guide, but thats all. need to understand deeper, to know if the label is true and to what extent. i hate being labeled anything, i hate belonging to any label, hate being called a bong or a gujju or a north indian, being called an indian, not that i am not proud of being an indian, but what do u mean when u call someone an indian, they come regularly late, they do not obey laws, well most don't but that doesn't mean i don't either. but as soon as i am called an indian, its assumed that i am all that a typical indian is, well frankly there is no typical indian, there is no typical anything. stereotypes donot exist.

chalo take care.

triggers..

have seen urs or someones state of mind change suddenly, bad to good or other wise. well its not suddenly, but yea, a mood which as persisted for some time changes over a very short period of time, and it seems suddenly. well thats triggers.
it could be a smile from someone, a song heard at full volume, a long walk, a cup of coffee or just an observation. but its amazing how it changes the rest of ur day, before u come back.
it in no way changes the state of affairs in your life, but for that short period u start feeling different, looking at things differently.
question is can you trigger something for urself, or has to be always external. does someone have to shoot u for u to die, not necessarily, can do it on ur own. but is difficult.

once u start understanding ur own triggers, it makes life more manageable. or atleast understandable.
we are so affected by what happens around us, even introverts, or actually more so introverts.

well writing about introverts, have to say this, its about time i defended my kind, people so misunderstand introverts, introverts = sadists, introverts = quite sad mysterious freaks, well not really. to some extent yes, the best defn i found of an introvert is people who get energy from inside, from within. they need time with themselves, because their thoughts n observations are more important and interesting to them then anything else. most of the other things attributed to introverts are not because of introvertness, but other stuff..

aloo, and might write in detail about this someday, i saw this movie ages ago, full circle or something, can't find it on google though, but it exists (amazing how we think that if its not on google its not out there...) anyways, talks about this girl who gets raped when in college, and then even though in love, can't get over it and loses her love. but ultimately her life comes a full circle, and she finds herself standing where she started.
there is also this concept of history repeating itself. and my concept of second chances.
anyways the point is, its true, life is a circle, more so a spiral, whether ur going up or down, thats ur state. and yea history repeats itself, not in the fine print maybe, but yea, in the macro pic, all of this happens. u just should have the time and awareness to see it. so its actually beneficial to learn from ur and ur parents and ur grandparents mistakes, don't change how u live, but please do pay some heed to it.
and yea how ever much i hate it and am against the concept, it does apply to mixed marriages, mixing always has unexpected results.

i used to believe, u cannot change ur core, and almost everyone agreed on it with me, but i have realised u can, if u work on urself, u can lead ur life, how fast and wide the delta is, depends on how determined ur, how much control u have on ur head.

take care..
abrupt ending, i know... by the way am still trying to find out what triggered this sudden spate of writing after 17 days.