if you read my last post, you know I had been at the mall, and it was an eventful outing. One of the last things that happened before I got in my car was a simple little confrontation which was really not. Outside the mall stands a line of rickshaws, with the rickshaw drivers standing outside in a bunch heckling any passerby. Not sure if its the holiday cheer or them just being their usual selfs (bangalore is not really famous for decent courteous rickshawallas, especially to outsiders), but today they seemed to a be a bit more, well rude. Anyways, as I passed the bunch, heard the last few words of one of them passing a comment, couldn't make out, but a quick look told me it was to a north eastern couple. Looked (glared really) at the rickshawalla, and he looked back into my eyes and mouthed 'kya boss?', What stuck me was the sound of impunity in his voice, that grin plastered wide, that 'this is my right' feeling he had. He had no clue that what he had done was wrong. 
Ofcourse all of this happened in a split second, I walked on, no second reaction from me. But its always the case, where you get a split second to react and if not then a life time to brood over that inaction.

With all that has been going on after the her brutal attack and untimely death, emotions are running high. Couple of times today, in this incident and something that happened before, I was a bit more sensitive to those leechey eyes. 

There are quite a few things to think about...the impunity that rickshawalla felt, the right some men feel they have over women, our reaction to it, and ofcourse the reason for it all. 

Why do some men think they can tease a girl, pass a lewd comment, molest a girl as part of a crowd and get away with it. A lot of people say that our laws are not harsh enough. We don't have the death penalty for rape cases, well but we do. We do have the death penalty for the rarest of rare cases, and if the incident was a brutal as the one with Damini, then maybe it does come under that criterion. But I don't really think its the laws, the laws of the land are as good as anywhere, I think its the implementation of these laws which is missing. A lot of cases which have gotten highlighted, the police have decided not to take action. And it seems this is more true about rape cases because of the stigma attached to it. 
Giving a death penalty is not really a deterrent. One because, as some noted ex-lawyers are saying, it will just ensure that the rapist kills the victim, and frankly, I think rape is an outcome of insanity (or हैवानीयेत   which is an apt word) and in that moment on insanity, the fear of a death sentence won't help. But more then that, its not the right thing to do. I have my thoughts on capital punishment, and I won't go into them here, but I don't think that unless there is pure evil present without any chance of reform, should death penalty be given. It should not be given to soothe the wounds of the wounded, that will be revenge and we are better then that. That said, I haven't suffered, and so its easy for me to be principled about this. 
I also don't think castration or 'eye for an eye' is the answer. Because then there really won't be any difference between them and us, we will be as savage as they are, and in turn justify their savagery. 

the right men feel they have over women, well if you read some of my older posts, I have always maintained that women are better then men, if men were fair, women would have long back found a way of generating that 'y' and discarded men. But men, I believe have always have had this inferiority complex, have had this insecurity and so they somehow or the other want to oppress women to feel superior. A lot of what I have heard about rape as a crime (mostly from Law and Order really) is that more then sexual gratification, rape is about power. It is about nothing men trying to enforce their ego on a woman. that might also explain the husband and wife kinda rapes. 
Is this animal instinct, well no, I don't see it in animals. From all that I know, females in every species chose their mates, and have a right to reject prospective mates and defend themselves. But then we humans are the most evolved in the line aren't we!

our reaction to it all, well just the fact that we as a nation have reacted, in whatever way, is encouraging. There are people who are on the roads protesting, bearing the lathi charges and the water canons, then there are people updating their facebook profile pics with big black dots, and even more (like me) who are just watching the news, and a few cynics, who always will be cynics. But there is reaction, even if fueled by the news channels and social media. 
This is not the first case in India, this is not the first case in Delhi, its sad that the case needed to be this brutal to wake up the country. The cynics say this won't go anywhere, I kinda agree. A couple of laws will be changed at the most maybe. But I think what this will do is sensitize people more towards such things. It hopefully will be more difficult for men to make lewd comments and get away with it, it hopefully will be easier for girls to confront guys. 
but more then anything, I think the biggest change will be for people to realize that its not ok. People will realize that its not ok that a girl cannot travel alone in a metro late at night, that is not ok for a rickshawalla to gawk at a lady, for a college student to pass a lewd comment on a fresher. Like everything else, we, Indians will realize that its not part of life to worry about our sister, mother, girl friend or wife's safety all the time. 

and last, the reason behind it all, very few are talking about that. Its that basic respect for women lacking in us and here I mean from both men and women. Men are brought up to think that they are superior, or women are inferior. and frankly, its not just men, women also are brought up to think the same. I am amazed at the number of dowry / rape cases where the main culprit is a woman. Woman themselves think they are inferior, and this conditioning has to change. 
Another smaller reason is that men are not sensitized towards women, I remember a comment an ex made once on me, since I don't have a sis, i don't know how to be sensitive towards girls and today I realize she was quite right. Take that up a couple of notches, men who have never been around women, who have studied in boys schools or brought up in regions where women are separated from men, they either will end up being really shy or really agressive. 

I don't know if there is a quick solution to this, changing laws in my opinion won't go to far, what will is women standing up for themselves, and men standing behind them, with them and hopefully in front of them when they do. Long term, educate our kids, men and women both have equal right to this world, both have very differing but ultimatly complimentary skills. Educate our kids such that they don't even have the question of who is superior, they never have the notion of equality. 

And finally a heartfelt apology to Damini. Am appalled at the deeds of some of us (men), I cannot even begin to imagine your pain, in one way am thankful that you are a place where the horrors of this world cannot touch you again. 

I am sorry. 

last before the new year

and first after a long time...the thing about having a lot of things on you mind is that you don't really that empty space left to tie them all together into a blog post, its like filling up a hard drive such that there is no contiguous space left to process the thoughts...

anyways with that mindless tech talk, was in the mall today, sounds like am living in rural america, in a state like wisconsin in the 70's and saying, 'oh, nothing, just went to the mall'...guess thats what Bangy and most of the 'urban' india is like today. Anyways, went to the mall to do some more then just window shopping at a furniture store and then some clothes store...yea am getting married soon, so this is how lifes gonna be. Anyways (third time in one para), after a long time was just noticing people around, and saw some many different things in that half an hour I was there. 

Saw a group of 10 - 12 guys standing in a tight circle, laughing and making merry, and my immediate thought was is there a girl stuck in there who they are groping or sth of that sort. Checked and it was just guys fooling around, but then the instant thought was because of all the things going on today, everyone says that all the protests and all are useless, will die down with time, things will stay the same, but atleast now people and I, are looking out, noticing things. We have become so used to this stuff that its become second nature to be on call with your sister or mom or girlfriend or wife if they are out alone, travelling in a bus or a train or sth, and well why? 

so more about that later, don't wanna ruin another blog post, anyways short on ideas...

next stop was the furniture store, and this was not just a store, it was a imposing 5 storey building selling everything from door knobs to all leather lazy boy rip offs...nothing really eventful there though. Just a towering 5 storey building selling everything from door knobs to lazyboy imitations...such a long way from the days of the local carpenter seizing a room to design and make that TV cabinet mom wanted for a long time, and dad heckling with him on a daily basis. And I always ask, what was wrong with those days, what really was wrong with that furniture, it used to look ok, was functional (for most part) and durable, but the consumerism bought on by the humongous 5 storeyed stores still succeeded. 

went to Apple shop, have started telling Ado its my temple, but don't really believe that now, no more after god of design decided to shift base to heaven, but still, has the best product. It was crowded, but not like some other gizmo stores, in US, Apple stores are gauranteed to be choc-a-block crowded, not really sure why its different in India. 

As I was walking out (I did go there for a purpose btw, not just to gawk at the iPhone or iPad), as I opened the door, a small girl was blocking the door, shouting, almost pleading to her dad to come into the shop. She was wearing a very pink frock, had oiled hair, braided, was 12ish I think, totally out of place, but excited. Somehow very out of place, especially in the Apple store. She didn't have the greedy eyes of someone who wanted to buy and iPhone and couldn't, she just had plain excitement, and just wanted to share it with her dad. I looked up to see her dad, and understood it was not plain excitement she wanted to share, it was her dad's sorrow she wanted to share. He was standing by the railing, looking towards the shop, back to the 3 floor cutout, and he was wearing the simplest of white shirts and white trousers. Chappals. Face seemed to have a blank look, but really was hiding a deep pain, like he has lost someone close, like even though he wanted his daughter to be happy, like even though he wanted his daughter to get over the grief and enjoy, he himself couldn't. And his daughter wanted to do the same for him. Somehow she was able to let go of the grief, he couldn't. Guess with age we just like holding on to our pain more then our happiness. Guess with age, we have more to look back on then to look forward on. 

After a long time, a scene stuck me, and even after walking out of the store, was staring back to see...such is life today, miss out on these little scenes which have a whole story behind them. 

Moving on (it did take a long time), next stop was kalmane coffee, sitting alone, sipping on nice kappi premium, head this entire conversation between two guys and a girl, the girl hardly speaking. Childhood friends, the guys, born n brought up in the US, one guy moved to India, before or after marriage I don't know, wife an Indian, accent and mannerism told me had not lived in US for too long. Second guy moving to Aussie land and meeting an old friend after long time. Same old banter, about old times, old friends, married guy was a bit ahead in the family game so giving the other guy some advice. mend you ways...girl hearing all, but feeling totally out of place, must be an arranged marriage. and I instantly connected, was wondering, how ever much you want, you really can't have a unique life unless you go into the depths of it, if you see from a height, ur life is the same as the next guys!

Coffee finished, shopped a bit, somehow the people helping in shops, shopping assistants, instantly know whether your are gonna buy or not. and knowing that they, sometimes, some of them atleast, still give such awesome service. Am surprised how even after knowing that you are gonna fail, you still pursue the cause. 

Saw a phirang, three fourths and tee shirt, loafers, aimlessly wandering around. You don't really see phirangs stranded in foreign countries with no choice, they usually have the choice to go back to their homes, its mostly Indians who end up in phirang lands away from their families and friends on festivals and stuff, but well, times are changing I guess. 

event ful half an hour must say, it always is at such crowded places, be it hospitals or railways stations or well, malls!

Happy New Year folks, the year didn't end, but do ask yourself, what really will be the difference between Dec 31st and Jan 1st for you. Except for the fact that the YYYY field will change, is there any real difference. Still the same job, still the same schedule, still the same mentality. Wonder why the fuss about New Years, its not even a festival, but guess its just about new beginnengs, or that marker for new beginnings...life is such a long continous story, we need to break it into chunks to understand it, get a hold of it. A new year is as good a way as any!

Happy 2013 people, a day early, but then how does it matter. :)

Take care

after a lifetime...

been such a long time I posted, I even forgot what my last post was...and for once, I haven't felt guilty about it. Some how life has just been whizzing past me for the last six odds months. It does seem like a lifetime lived in just about half a year, a lifetime which I would like living again. 

So no real reason to write today...just random thoughts from experiences since the last time.

Was caught up in a discussion about family and friends with 'the man for whom I would want to become gay' the other day.  Was making the point of how many times (wanted to write mostly but am not that cynical also) family ties are more because of obligation and because of society then actual love and caring. Even if you don't really like a family member, when its needed, you will help them because of that expectation, that obligations. Same ways it becomes easy to ask for help from family members, because you know that blood relation obliges them to help you out. On the other hand, friendship is such a informal loosely bound relationship, that you are not obliged by anything. 

With my sis and me, as long as we were friends it was all fun and frolic and we were still there for each other. The moment we started formalizing it, giving it a name and started bounding it in rules and regulations and expectations, the relation started falling apart. 

So then why family, why not just live in an undefined, loosely coupled relationship, well just for our need for security. Its amazing how much you can achieve and experience if you just let go of that need for security. If you don't need social security, you wouldn't have to put up with people you don't really like, if you didn't care about shelter security, you could pretty much travel the world, if you didn't care about financial security, you could take as many risks in job and business and do awesomely well. And staying alive is the highest of those needs.

I asked this question to myself one day, what would happen if living beings lost the need for self preservation, the need to stay alive. That natural protective instinct that we have in everything, what would happen if we lost that. Well top of my head, either there will be total chaos or crystal peace.

Heard this somewhere...you cannot stand on the shore and explore the world!

Men...

hate the fact that the only thing which inspires me to write now a days is watching a movie...ever worse is that the only thing changing on my blog on a daily basis is the twitter feed.

anyways, was thinking of writing this for some time now, there was a thought generated by something on FB, but ultimately it was the movie which is making me write.  The post is gonna be very very disorganised, more then the usual so bear with me...

the movie in question first, gangs of Wasseypur pt II...awesome awesome movie, better then the first part, but that could only be because it was more fast paced, even in the first part I liked the Sardar Khan part of it, but not really the Sultan Khan part of it. Faisal Khan made it more Godfather like. Its amazing how all such movies somewhere have incidents which have already been shown in the Godfather, maybe thats why Puzo's Godfather is considered a classic for men. 

and well the post as the title suggests is about men. The man here is Faisal Khan, but really Wasseypur ultimately is about men, and what they go through in that life. 

Men, and I have always believed this (and written about but can't find it now) are the lesser of the two sexes in my mind. I have always had an admiration for Women, for the amount they go through and how they handle it. I have always believed that women would and should rule this planet but for that animal instinct of winning, that savage need to conquer and win that only men have. That animal instinct makes men take risks, makes men fight battles, makes men prospect for the new. But then as I think of it, there are two other reasons why men do a lot of the things they do, well one, to spread their seed, and secondly to ensure that the seed and the bearer of the seed are safe, well provided for. Not sure if which of these three reasons is core, which leads to the other, and I think they keep on varying in intensity from time to time, but all three are there in every man, at some point or the other. 

And this has been shown in the movie really well...you see the three sides of a man in this movie, the egoistical side which wants revenge and to win and conquer, the animalistic sexual side, and the caring protective family man side. 

so again what on FB made me think of this, well a post which spoke about how much men give up to be the protective family man...they (and I am talking from personal experience here) give up a lot to ensure that their children and their wives and their family in general are well protected for and well provided for. If you look at your fathers and your brothers, you will see that they let go of all their wishes to ensure that their loved n cared ones get what they want.

but they don't really let go of the other two, every man, throughout their life, is still a sexual predator (yes, a strong term, but its basically an animal instinct, not justifiable in todays cultured human world) and is still an egoist who wants to win, wants to conquer, wants to make his mark. These qualities are very inbuilt in us, ingrained in us if you may, in our genes and in our DNA, in the way we are build, that as much as you change, they are still their lurking around somewhere. 

But they don't show up, you sometimes never realize they are their unless you have the ability to listen to a man's thoughts (ultimate end of privacy I tell you...) but they are there. And are well hidden, because a man had made a choice at some point to be one or the other and hopefully let go of the third completely. 

In one of the few weak moments any of the three protaganists had in the movie, Faisal Khan says that his dad had the choice of not coming back to wasseypur, had the choice of choosing to be the caring husband and dad, but he made the choice of becoming the conqueror. And even though Faisal wants to choose otherwise, he cannot. It ultimately comes down to the choice you make, the choice you make to either be a sexual predator (which thankfully very few do, and are rightly punished for it, because its the most selfish of the three choices) or the choice you make to conquer and win, second most selfish choice, it does do some good, the world has progressed because of this choice, or the third totally unselfish choice of being a family man, a choice which doesn't help you or the world, but just the ones you care about. Not sure if like anything triangular, you can only choose two of three, am sure if you choose 1 there is no other choice. but then this needs more thought....but am pretty sure you cannot be all three at the same time, something Chika told me long time back, either you can be professionally successful or a great family man, both are not possible. 

and so the conclusion to this post and the answer to uff teri ada's question is that women complaint about not finding the perfect guy, the guy who is successful and good looking and caring and good husband and father and everything, well of course you don't, its difficult for a guy to be good at both these things, they require opposite skills, if you want one, you gotta let go of other. and of course getting something of everything always leaves something out which you can complaint about.

For the first time very reaslised that being a man is also difficult, not as torturous as being a women, but subtlely it is!!!

PS: this is the kind of post which I might not agree to in part or completely when I wake up tommorow morning, so expect a lot of self commentary on it over the years, as I experience, think and realise more n differently more...

random random...

Lots of small things to write about...

It was interesting to see how well the buzz was built around Aamir Khans Satyamev Jayate. Done in a class way, and in line with the spirit of the programme. Watching the promos i though it would be a travel show, with him going to the small and far flung places in India to highlight our diversity, to show the many colors that make India so amazing. And then highlighting the people and their stories! Always wanted a show like that, a show which shows the life of the 1 billion indians, the story of a hath rickshaw puller in calm or a tea picker lady in assam, or a salt pan worker of saurashtra, or a idli for breakfast walla from mumbai. Ans show it in a very matter of fact way, because i know this, their life is as interesting as any of ours, just not glamorous enough, well what he actually is doing is not bad, just that this too, the only thing is that here too you can see the effects of marketing, and as much of a proponent of true marketing i am, there is always this feeling that marketing and the effort to make something saleable takes the purity out of it!
Well who am i to judge, its been liked by everyone, and some action is being taken on its behalf so good!
Someone posted a 'why is this world so bad' kinda poster on fb, and well, the world is not bad, some of it is, but problem is that only the some bad part is highlighted, i wish there was a programme which shows the good stories, the hundred million stories of kindness that everyday indians generate, so that our impression of the world being a bad place ends. I truly believe watching such stories would make people do more good! And what the hell, market it as well! :D
Somethings just grow on you...somethings u just love at first sight, conversely somethings u know u will never like (which btw many times becomes a self fullfilling prophecy) and some things you let urself get used too...
Told someone yesterday about acceptance,chow sometimes ur better off accepting ur situation, ur fate then fighting it. Its not about losing hoping and giving up something, but getting that peace for now so that u can start fighting again later...its like when climbing and u suddenly start losing ur balance and have ur arms flaying all over the place to get ur balance back, u always end up standing still first, then start climbing slowly. Bad analogy but...


There was 'the too big to fail' used for the large investment banks during the 2008 crisis, heard the 'so big, it might itself under its weight' some time back. Well just to be fair to myself for once, the funda was KC's, the line mine. Discussion was on tech and future of companies, and as usual i brought in Apple and for the first time someone said that in 3 years there might not be an Apple. Tim Cook will finally run through the three year plan Steve left him with and hen they will be lost..well time will tell, i too have my apprehensions, Cook is turning out to be more conventional then I hoped for. But well, the so big will bury itself came from the fact that as soon as Apple goes after foreign markets, India and China really, and as they increase their product line up, they wont be able to handle it. They are already screwing up big time on some of their products and this will just increase. Hmmm...counter thought was, maybe they won't go after the big markets, they are already making big money, US / EU sales are still strong, so why not keep your market limited, but get more innovative products. Also because if they have to come to these countries, they will have to cater to regional needs and also lower their prices, which means come up with new versions, both of which adds complexity to their operating model. Time shall tell!


Last thought, am surprised and sometimes aghast at how much time all of us spend just making things happen, in comparison to actually building things...planning, communicating, selling, funding, resourcing, measuring, meeting, bitching...how less time actually innovating and building!!!


laters!
PS...the song on top is what started the something just grow on  you thought..!

Ishaqzaade...

The first time i saw the song fell in love with it, More because of the way they had shown the love stuff then anything else...and knew that i wanted to see the movie. Rustic UP, a young love story, good song, fresh faces who can act, there were all the ingredients for a good movie...the director would have to screw up real bad to mess this one up...and then came the reviews, first half great, second half the director is lost...good love story to start with, lots of aimless running around later...well, i was not convinced and so went to see it, and for the lack of appropriate company, alone.
And the movie didn't disappoint, was surely better then all the reviews made it out to be...rustic and raw UP, young brash lovers, a political background and gun culture, if it seemed unbelievable to you, you just have to live there to know all of this happens, and more often then you think it does.
I wont go into defending the movie, because i know it didn't go down too well with many people...but some things which stood out
1. Parineeti's acting, this has to be the best debut in a long time, she is quite natural and portrayed the brash, immature 20 year old awesomely well. And the guy too, not sure of his lineage, but if you have seen young kids from UP - Haryana, they are absolutely like this...gun totting, mom fearing!!!
Agreed its maybe easy to portray such strong characters, always difficult to showcase subtle characters, like its difficult to make things simple, maybe because u have so few characteristics and emotions to play with, whatever little u have, u need to do use it really well. Anyways, they portrayed it to perfection, so great debuts.
2. I know we have become good at cinematography, but it always surprises me how beautiful our cities n villages are...there is beauty there and it was captured well in the movie...maybe i love my country too much!
3. The song pareshan, someone compared it to iktara, well that was a classic, but this is not bad either...just a different genre!
4. It was said that there wasn't enough material in the movie, well yes, but not complaining. It was a complete story, and most possible facets were explored, not in depth, but then its not an arty farty movie is it!
5. Could the ending be better, could there be some way in which the couple would have survived and the movie would have had a feel good ending. Dont know...would i have preferred it, maybe, but i wouldn't have liked myself for it. This was the only ending which would have somehow made the movie a bit of an cult movie, if both survived to live happily ever after the Shakespearean devdas type charm would be lost.
6. The attitude of Pareneeti's character, her accepting someone who well, in the new legal language raped her, unbelievable as it is, know that they are 20 something, still not aware of how big a thing this is, know that she did fall in love with him, and as much as ur betrayed, u always have a soft corner out of hope. Its always true, the guy u first give ur heart (and ur virginity) too always stays with u, has a special place!
Whether he changed his heart because of his mum, well go back up and read again...gun totting but mom fearing! :)
7 and last...the parts immediately before and after the interval..former left me pretty much shell shocked and kudos to the director for that...latter was a good way of turning the story around. Intelligently done...so again, pat on the back for the director / scriptwriter who ever it is..should find out!

And thats it, worth a watch for sure, in theatre, alone if u have a choice.

Some other things, dont want this blog to be just a review site...

Attitude towards muslims...one thing which always struck me when talking to some seemingly very liberal modern people was their dislike and sometimes down right hate for muslims. In most it comes out of ignorance really, in some it comes out of a misplaced fear, because they can cut goats so easily, they are dangerous and heartless...and some who have experienced it first hand. One very prominent example was an uncle, a heart surgeon who would operate on patients but had forbidden his daughter to marry a muslim guy. Anyone else would be negotiable, but muslims would just lead to a lot of pain for her. Come to think of it, for me and a best friend, the same unspoken rule holds. Even someone very close to me surprised me by telling me that she hated muslims...i told her that day that its maybe the first thing i don't like about her...but I will not make any judgements, not because i don't wanna become controversial, but because i don't know enough, havent experienced it enough...i had a couple of friends in school, but never close enough...i would like to have. Instinctively i know there is nothing wrong..but wanna experience it first hand so that i can say it with conviction!

As i was coming out of the movie, heard quite diverse reviews, some said it was  a complete waste of money, some said second half was bad, some liked the first half...and of course i liked the whole of it...well the thing is what do u say about products which evoke extreme liking or disliking in different groups. Either u love it or u hate it...i remember tHe fellow marketer making that comment about Brio the car, u either love it or u hate it, and everyone is in one of the groups...!
I would like to make such products, products which evoke emotions, because they stay in ur head, as i said, infamous is still famous! From an earnings point of view, i dont know, whether something like this is more desirable then a 'theek hai' kinda product, but from a long term recall point of view, surely this is better.  So make controversial products which divide the audience into two...evoke strong emotions, even if u dont make enough money, people will surely find out ur name!

Watching movies alone is looked down upon, but come to think about it, its the most logical thing to do...especially for such movies, which have matter...why would u want someone there sharing it. As in no harm having someone (as long as they keep quite n watch the movie) but no harm in seeing the movie alone...why do u need company to do an activity which gives you company on its own!!!

My fingers have slept off typing...so shall stop! Third or fourth post this week...kuch to ho raha hai!

Laters.

PS - Distinct feeling that I have said more then I should have...both from a knowing point of view and a 'will come back bite me in the ass' point of view. :-|

Sent from my iPad

had a agile project management session to attend early morning one of the days last week...and as much as I try, I am either very early, or quite late for these sessions...well it was the latter this time, but then instead of attending the session had a free wheeling gyaan discussion with (for the lack of a better term) the office ladies, and said out some fundas out open. 

one of the things I mentioned was how women are always ready to take help from other women, people in general when in a problem. Or even when they don't want to do something...gave the example of my mum, who in 5 years of scooty driving never, even once filled fuel in it herself, always used to be me. well thats just the build up for the example, whenever her scooty would break down on the road, and with vehicles at that time, it was quite often, the scooty overflow ho gaayi hai problem required multiple kickstarts, and mom would always get some passerby to help her out. Always!!! She has even got people to push the scooty to a puncture shop and get the puncture done. I thought it was my mum's smartness, but the office ladies tell me, thats with all women. 

well so that was just a point I made, the real observation is that the younger generation, the girls who are between 18 - 22 maybe, even till 24 - 25, don't take help. They don't ask for it, they don't take it if offered, you almost need to force them to take. Remember this incident with a significant other long time back, when we had just started getting close, her scooty got punctured and she didn't call me, till it became to difficult for her to push the vehicle. and so I was thinking why is that...why in latter stages, it becomes easy for you to ask for help then when you are young...is it because you have that arrogance which only a young person can have, the arrogance of not being defeated by life at every day battles, or maybe in the case of girls, its just a feminist streak which is always present when they are young, the I can do everything on my own attitude, which really comes out of maybe their fathers and brothers and all telling them, arrey tum yea nahi kar sakti, yea ladkiyon ka kaam nahi hai...don't know what exactly, but this is for sure, as you experience life, this fundas that youngsters have in their heads, out of watching movies, or out of unrealized ideals, start breaking down a bit. 

another example, there is someone in my team, quite young, same category as I was 5 years ago, not arrogant, but quite uptight. Organized a fun event some time back, the idea was for everyone to have fun, but my dear mix breed wanted to enforce the rules...and i was like, let them have fun. and then realized, that at some time many years ago, I was exactly like that, today am not at al. I too was a control freak, I too was very idealistic, I too was very arrogant and I too was very very brash, but then again, as you experience life more and more, that arrogance kind of tempers down.

so do i like myself more now then I did back then, well not sure. At that point there were not consequences, there was just do it kinda attitude, there was not caring what might happen, what people will say kinds...just the will to do something. Today, I know of the consequences, but what I like is, even though knowing what might happen, I keep on pushing the barriers, doing what I really want to...and that I am proud of!

well not really connected to what ever BS I typed out above, another thing I realized is how scared people are to even risk breaking those unwritten, undefined rules which exist everywhere. Even for rules which are not defined at al, for these grey areas, the first immediate reaction is not to even enter the grey area, even if in your head you believe you are within your boundaries, and its ok. No, even if its ok, lets not risk it is the default answer. 

I have always known what would be acceptable by conventional, orthodox wisdom, and knowing that, am always the one who pushes the boundaries a little bit...bends the rubber band just a enough so that it doesn't break, and still get to do something which stands out. Very very important to do that, to test the waters

Laters

#FromTheMovies

thats the hashtag I use when quoting movie dialogues on my twitter feed...and today after some time did a couple. There were many more but then found some deeper questions and so decided just to blog...
so the movies today were 'Last Night' and 'London, Paris, New York' (think that is the sequence).
so the first, english arty farty pic released last year, deals with a couple, in which both have have a chance of having a extra marital affair. well i won't go in the details, but the gist is that the guy in the couple has what really was a one night stand just for sex, and the girl in the couple meets up with her true love but still resists have sex, although they do spend a very emotional night together. but no hanky panky.
so well watch the movie, not an awesome movie really, Keira knightly looks as beautiful and as thin as ever, and am sure a hundred girls with die for the french guy, plus the movie is based in NY which is always high for me, love NY. anyways the thought...
was thinking which is more unacceptable, which would hurt more...a one night 'just sex' stand without any emotional attachments, or on where you are with the love of your life, and you share more chemistry and more stories with that person then with the one ur married with and even though there was no sex, in that one night u became more closer to this one person then to ur wife / husband? which is worse, which hurts more?
I guess it all depends on what you count as cheating, just sex or that conversation...just a question, don't want to dwell on it too much.
the other was the oft used multi city, spread over many years love story story line...but I think first one in Hindi...and quite different from the ones  I have seen till date. Always wanted to see this one, liked the treatment of the movie, was intrigued by the snippets in the trailer and also by Hyderi...who is has a certain intellectual, fun look that I like, and more then anything, someone who evokes a lot of curiosity.
anyways the movie didn't disappoint, my expectations were anyways low so...but yea good movie to see.
True love never leaves you behind...it always is there lurking somewhere at the back of your head, and it always makes its presence felt from time to time. You move on in life mind you, you have different people in ur life and u have a career and many have kids and all...and I have still not validated this but true love always shows its presence in you life, throughout your life. :)
its happened in my dads life, a story which I think is too personal to write here, but some day I shall recount it in a comment on this post...
another thing...its amazing when we let the small inconsequential things come in the way of love...I mean the ego fights, the you should have proposed first and what will people say and what not...its just idiotic. because the small inconsequential things will take away the one chance you had of having an awesome life. And yes, you can live a happy life, maybe even a content life, but you cannot live an awesome, every day is a dream life. So well my advice, now and forever is this...if you love someone truly, don't bother about the practical things, they will pan out and solve themselves.
In any case, if you have fallen in true love, you are lucky, because, whether it comes true or not, you will always have something beautiful and white.
PS: i always wanted to live every story...and not sure if its the movies I am picking or what, but do see myself already living (or lived) a lot of these stories. for eg I have lived the 'in the moment' story in this one...the thing is, as much as I like doing so, most of the stories I live don't conclude on a good note, they cannot because if they do, I won't be able to live another story...and if there are no happy conclusions...then there is a lot of pain and hurt and missing. :(
whether I still wanna live all the stories, or just wanna settle for one...i still don't know. :-|
oh and btw, one of these days I might end up giving a speech like the one at the end of the second one...and not just complain to one person, but to many many people!!! :D
till the next movie...quite a personal post...just missing!!!

Vicky donor

So i just saw the movie and no, i wont review it. Its an easy movie to review, except for the antiquated tight asses who might have found the movie disgusting but still laughed out loud watching it, am sure most liked it, enjoyed it.

And am not gonna say about how hindi movies have become technically flawless and all that...said many times (was one of the first to see it coming btw) but this one just goes to prove the point a bit more.

So one thing which was different about the movie was how the stereotypes about different regions was so portrayed in the movie. If you have lived and interacted with people from different areas, you should have experienced their weirdities first hand. Bongs r like this, punjus like that, so on. Its not true for every person, but overall quite true. 

In the movies, these weirdities have always been shown in a snide way, in a very contemptful, demeaning, n mostly slapstick stupid comedy way, but suddenly, in a couple of movies before this n for sure in this one its been portrayed in a more mature albeit still humorous way. Its part of the story, not just making fun of some poor side character actor, which was good to see!

Why suddenly was a question and I guess its just a sign of how India has been changing because of the new economy and modern jobs n businesses. More n more people are leaving their homes n working elsewhere, going out of the protection of their communities and cities n coming in contact with the so called outsiders. Take bangalore for exapmle, there seem to be more outsiders here then native kannadigans, and more n more are they interacting. I today live with a marathi n an android, n my friends include a maru, a gujju, a tamillian, a jaat n well people from everywhere.

Just saying that the new business has made India more integrateed, we used to be like how america was, not aware of the rest of the world, had these unsubstantiated ideas about diff countries. In India everyone from south was madrasi, everyone up north was a delhiet. And ofcourse both were bad! But today delhiets know that there are 7 sourthern states, n southies know that north and north indians are different from delhi n delhiets.

And the surest sign of our country actually integrating was when i saw north east people in guju land. U see them in blr quite often, but Gujarat is like the opposite side of the country. Really liked the fact that they were there n doing good jobs. Not the stereotypical waiters n beauty parlor girls. Dont take me wrong, they ventured out 10 years ago to mostly bangalore, n now have gained enough confidence to start working in the main stream. They are still not accepted, but another then years n one of the most cut off arms of the country won't be so!

Anyways, I need to learn how to be conscise n not ramble on, but am not writing my best anyways so its ok. Bear with me.

Another thing which was different was how the girl (very pretty, n a good actress) was shown as a divorcee n how it was handled in the movie. Well frankly, all the families were real, they were not the ideal happy indian family, neither were they the convoluted political k serial families, they were real families, which dont think has been shown in commercial indian flicks, in arty farty movies yes but not here. And another thing which is quite personal is alliances between different communities, bong n punju in this case. Something i have lived through, something which was always looked down upon but maybe thats changing.

I dont know whether the movies are portraying the societal changes or the movies are leading them, I wouldn't say that our society has changed n become more liberal n accepting, or that we have super progressionist film makers, think its one foot leading the other n both moving forward…in any case its a good development for this country.

Someday we will actually become and integrated India!!!

Cheers to that, laters!


PS: and although the male version of has become really famous, I like the female version more...can't find a good video version online so heres the original!!

thoughts and ramblings

there has suddenly been a lot of focus on introverts...a book, a TED video, a question asked and many conversations. I am an introvert (always knew it, and retook the test as well, 100% introversion is what it says), but most people are surprised when I tell them that. Am very good at public speaking, and I have lots of acquaintances (820 of them if u go by my FB friends list) plus am known to conduct parties and social events and stuff...so how can I be an introvert. Well there you go, you don't understand introversion. Its different from being shy and quiet, its all about where you get your energy from. If you get it from inside you, you are an introvert. If your ideas excite  you more, if living in your own mind and your own small little world makes you peaceful, you are an introvert. signs of introversion, you feel suffocated after you have been in a crowd for some time, after every conversation with someone (esp if they are like 2 - 3 other people) you wanna go back to you shell and recuperate, because conversations are energy sapping for you. If your own ideas excite you more then talking to someone else, you are an introvert.

So that said, is it a bad thing? from my point of view introverts are finely balanced, they are quite self dependent for their ideas and all, and so come up with original out there stuff, which I don't see a lot of extroverts doing. Secondly, since they are not really shy, they are able to propagate these ideas and work in teams. Its just that sometimes its socially awkward for a group of extroverts to work / party with introverts, because introverts kind of are quite observing kinds, and so sap out the energy out of work meetings, parties et al. But I am a part of a very extrovert group, both at work and home, and they have gotten used to it. The other thing about introversion is we stay quite only with people we consider strangers, but once we have made good friends with people, they become an extension of us and so we talk easier. 

so that was my take on introversion...why, well someone again questioned that I am not an introvert, and someone really senior at work, in a 'culture' session, said that there is no place for introverts in the firm. and that pissed me off, what he was saying is there is not place for shy people, but then him being so senior, can't attribute this to his ignorance and let it go. Well most imp person in tech in blr, you shall not gain my respect!!!

wow for thoughts and ramblings, this is already quite long. 

anyways point wise now

1. young people (including when I was in that age group) are more concerned about their privacy and letting info out and holding on to stuff and more controlling and what not. saw this in a couple of instances this week, someone finally made me friends on fb, but still nothing is shared. and someone in a causal social fun event wanted everyone to behave and all...I used to be like that, always wanted to hold on to my secrets, no one knew about her for the longest of times, and always wanted some discipline when i used to lead. Not sure when i changed and why, well for the first secrecy thing, it was conscious, i decided to let go, for a period of time everyone around me knew everything about me, and guess that was a bit extreme, but today a lot of people know a lot about me and that has helped make stronger friendships. on the other part, the controlling factory, guess it was just experiences i guess. the thing with controlling something is that you have to hold really tight something to control it, but things still escape out, and that makes you feel irritated and you react in angry ways...it doesn't help at all...better is to have a few key rules, and thats it. these rules are the ones that matter the most, and which handle the most grave consequences...let the rest pan out. The environment will be more relaxed, and because there are few rules, people kind of feel morally responsible. 

2. its amazing how people can be so predictable sometimes, or maybe experiences enable you to predict some people so well...I was able to predict someones moves so well today was surprised. I don't know if there are just a limited number of stories and limited number of moves in the worlds, but man, someone surprise me...do something which I haven't anticipated...all the same moves, all the same games!!!

3. So the eternal question of what should you do...what you love or what you are good at, well I am doing ok at something that i neither love, nor am good at. but thats a different thing. if what you love is what your are good at, then ur golden. In my case I don't know that yet!

4. Being different is something I have always done, its a driving force behind everything i do, be different, think different, live different. I don't think it started out because I just wanted to be different for the sake of it, but really because i had come from a different background, was differently natured and like different things. But yep, a contributing factor was also the want to stand out. anyways, i lost my way for sometime but trying to get back there. 

what i wanted to say and maybe this deserves a post of its own is that thinking that you develop from wanting to be different helps. being different in the frist place, doing things differently in itself brings you attention (many time negative, but as i always say infamy is a way to being famous), it brings something fresh, unexpected and so the buzz is always inbuilt, its different so it has to be original. The risks are higher, risks of rejection, but once you start on that path, you kind of get a hang of how much you can push the rubber band before it snaps. And most important is that as long as you are not being different for just the sake of it, as long as there is a logical rational reasons behind it (or you can conjure one up), people take it as, 'oh well he tried something diff, and failed' and you can take solace to it as well.

So last line, be different, not for the sake of it, but because thats the only way to stand out for urself and making the world more colorful. else everyone everywhere would be just the same!!!

was itching to write but clearly just wanting to write and writing well are two different things, and this time the first didn't lead to the second. :(

crests and thaws!!!

was thinking about Yuvraj Singh, how life takes a turn, a year back he was at the highest point in his career and just some time later, struggling to just to stay alive. Then started looking at the trend and realized that he has always had an ups and downs life, just before the world cup he was out of the team and well right from the start of his career, one thing or the other.
and I have known people like that, people who always have ups and downs. People who'd seem normal, everyday to most, they live through such highs and lows...and was wondering why?
and now my thoughts are getting a bit muddled, so the post shall be too this point on.
well one thing that i know about these people is that they all are never satisfied, they all look out for more, and not in a negative sense, but they never compromise with what they have. For some its a very consicous effort, for some (like me) its very unconscious. We never get peace till we get what we wanted. Some can put what they want in words, some like me 'just feel it', and cannot put in words.
But they are all the same, they unconsciously want something, and consciously never settle for anything else. and because of this they keep on taking risks, they keep on doing things that most other satisfied people would not. They grab at those opportunities where success rate would be less...or like me where it really is zero (stupidity i know, but kya kare). They'd risk making the same mistake, hoping against hope that that 1% chance of success might actually come true.
These people hurt more, they suffer far more, and many times they also become immune faster...but these are also the people who feel euphoria in the true sense. These are also the people who touch the boundaries of that awesome euphoric state, simply because their pursuit of what they wanted was so deeply seethed, so unconscious and so pure, that when they do achieve, its takes over everything else.

And i also believe that these are the people who have more of a chance to change the world, make a dent!

Its a painful journey, but i have always believed at the end of the journey, whether you achieved it or not, you might be bitter, but you won't be guilty.

PS: published a post in a half awake state yesterday, and took it down today. First time i did so, re read it, in addition to the hundred spelling mistakes (apparently the space on the iPad keyboard doesn't function too well), it was a really negative post, and so not me. But it did come from me and i'd blame that on my fickle state of mind now a days. But that apart, the blog was never meant to be about me, to some extent it is, but one thing it was not and will never be is negative.

oh and the title of the post, a term we came up with long time back...and has shaped a big part of my thinking. Because of this term, for the longest of times steadiness bored me, and to some extent it still does. 

The list

1. Go away...leave everything and go where no one know me and start completely afresh 2. Visit one of the lands - greenland, finland, iceland...some place where its cold n white n alone 3. Do good for people...start a or many sustainable businesses and help people help themselves 4. Start a platform business to make people execute their ideas...where people can come n start their internet busineses, and leave when it suceeds...no stings attached bu a 1% stake 5. Give a thankyou speech with my closest people are in the audience and the world listening. 6. Come as close to death as possible, and stay there for sometime. 7. Keep making seemingly impossible jumps...keep saying 'fuck, that was easy'! 8. Die alone and with my own bullet, and when i am bored because ih ave done everything or am tired of trying! 9. Know a girl of each sunsign there is..! 10. Write my autobiography, and have enough of a life to fill a thousand pages! Publish after i am gone. 11. Go bungee jumping. 12. Know a lot of cities...live in them till i know the soul of the city. 13. Have no enemies...but a lot of people who consider me their best friend. 14. Live a life such that when i die, frontpage headline just says, 'bose, dead!!!'. 15. Buy a triumph bike, keep my enfield forever! 16. Start a school academy system for unpriviledged children..! 17. Never stop falling in love. 18. Find someone who stays with me forever. 19. Continue living a life of contradictions. 20. Live my beliefs..! Sent from my iPad

the value of good will...

Live blogging after a long time...need to write something!

read this long time back...was an article in I think one of the international business magazines... Forbes I think...they tried to justify CSR at that point, of course it was before the time this term (Corporate Social Responsibility) was even coined. 

For the first time, someone, in this article justified the value of CSR, put a business value to it. Basically they said that CSR earns good will for a corporate, good will which is of no apparent value when everything is good, but pays back rich dividends when the cards are down, when the corporate is going through big problems. there are examples galore of this...companies which have been doing good, and when they are fighting downhill loosing battles, peoples, through banks et al come to help them out. 

And since this funda came into the fore, companies have also used it. Be it Tata's who after the West Bengal fiasco made an advert highlighting how they changed lives of people working for Tata, or how Coke, after it was discovered that they were using polluted water in Kerala, highlighted how they were giving back some huge percentage of water back to the earth by water harvesting and recycling. 

Good will pays back surely, and not just for corporates but for us beings as well...and I today saw a live example of it. For all that I have not achieved, for all the potential that apparently went wasted, I have been a really good person, a nice person in the true sense always, and many many times, I and people who care have questioned the value of it...of whether someday when I need it, when I need people to help me, stand up for me, whether they will...!

Today when facing some major challenges, at work and in life, that good will, those birthdays and parties that i made fun, those pickups and drops which ensure that people reached safely home, is helping me out. 

I have been getting help from unexpected quarters, in the form of simple encouragement, in the form of hand holding and in this case, someone actually standing up for me and helping me out fight a battle. 

Today it touched me, today my status says a heartfelt thanks, because more then anything, one of my basic fundas, something I live by, came true today...there is karma in this world and it surely comes back. Whatever you sow, you reap.

Good things happen to Good people, stated Sreesh today in her elation of seeing me get this chance...and I so truly believe that...simply because I know that there are so many more good people in this world then those few assholes...just that they are so understated out of their niceness, that it doesn't become so apparent, their power many times seems undetectable, but believe me that understated power, works like a silent killer...it decimates, decimates slowly and very clinically!!!

so be good, in the face of all the bad, just be good, stick to ur principles, the good in the world will back you up, stand up for you and many times prop you up when you need it the most...earn that good will, not because it will pay back, but because thats the only way to live a  good life, a life which you feel proud of on your deathbed!!!

the battles on, but I have enough support to endure and hopefully win it...

later.

Rules and me...

Wrote about corruption and me sometime back...and at the time basically told myself  I won't be corrupt. Will pay the fine or live the hard life, but till its possible, won't be corrupt. 

but then since then, and its not been so long, there have only been a couple of incidents where there was the temptation to bribe, one was for a traffic rule violation (where fine was not even an option apparently, I was prodded to bribe, or my vehicle would be taken kinds, anyways stood my ground and won the battle that day) and another was for comfort.

Anyways someone close when through an incident recently, which kind of left me fuming. Not to bore you with the story, they were drinking (and moderately at that) and having hookah, at their own house, seems neighbors complained about the noise (there were not playing music, only 5 friends playing pictionary) and cops showed up. Thulas really, or hawaldars. They searched the house, found a couple of empty beer bottles, couple of hookahs and started haggling. Started with 3 lacs.  Ultimately the 5 ended up paying a pretty big amount and ran from the spot in what they jokingly refer to as their DK Bose moment. 

anyways...so why am I fuming and where do rules come in.  

Well this happened in the big city in the 'dry state'. and since its a dry state, having a single bottle of beer at your place means your are breaking the law and can be put behind the bars for an unbailable offense against your name. Really, 1 bottle is all it takes. These guys were at home, not high and pretty much just enjoying their house warming party. and that should be fine, but since the rules or law says that its not, it gave an opportunity to the cops to just extort money!

I am not a big fan of rules,  they are the opposite of freedom. Rules are generic, static and mostly archaic. They are inefficient, have to be enforced, and by their nature are prone to being broken. Rules by nature are unnatural...they always try to change or block the natural way something would be done. But then I understand the requirement of rules, well 1.2 billion people with a handful of not the best of the breed governing them, what choice do you have but to make a million rules. If you'd have more creative people governing us then maybe we'd have more natural ways of controlling things, but well look at Lok Sabha and Rajya Sabha, thats not gonna happen. 

So ok, we have rules, agree there is no other easy way of managing things, it makes life easier and predictable for most. A rule kind of brings everyone to the same plane, it applies to everyone, and so for the 80% junta, it works. 

Well the problem is with that 20% exception to whom the rule should not apply too, who get unfairly treated because of that rule, who loose their freedom because of that rule. For eg, in the case about, it was a house party, they were not drunk, and had not created (ok a little bit) any ruckus, so how was it fair for 5 cops to barge into their HOME and extort money because they broke a 'RULE'. 

So what to do, rules are necessary, but then I think that the enforcer of that rule should have the judgement and power to make exceptions. and if not, the person or institution above should, and it should be ensured that the decision to enforce the rules goes to that point in the ladder. 

Also there should be a will on everyones part to obey the rules till it is actually necessary to take the exception route. Me for example only break rules when necessary, and that really in some ways has helped me, because when i have a reason to break the rule (which is different from convenience and all that), I mostly have found myself not getting caught. 

anyways, one of my worst posts, and really a rant!!! Still was fuming and so...

take care.