live more...

walking down a by lane near brigade, today, i saw this old lady with crutches fallen on the footpath, on the opposite side of the road. she was crying bitterly, had bandages on both her ankles. her screams were piercing the cloud of noise, and making people uncomfortable. and i stood there for a second and walked on.

few steps and i saw a dog, a black n grey pom i guess, really bad coat, limping a bit, with a brown collar, most probably abondoned. and i don't know why but i felt more compassion for the dog then for the lady. thought of picking him up, doing something, then suddenly thought what does that say about me, have more compassion for dogs then people.

also was wondering, what drives us to do some good things, have always found me to be totally random, sometimes i do, sometimes i don't. still trying to find out what makes me do what i do in such places.

went to an animal shelter after that, CUPA in bangalore, beautiful place, they take care of all abondoned, sick, injured animals from the street and also help people out with their pets. saw all kinds of dogs in all kinds of situations, a couple who were starved so much, at the widest their chest n stomach were no more then my index finger. one whoes paw had been crushed. one who was so afraid of being tied up, he was pulling his chain with all his strength, people there said he does it always, every day, every second.

some had been so brutalised, u could see the fear for the human stench in their eyes, my friend thought, a dog not coming to him for petting was the dogs attitude, what did he know, it was not attitude but fear.

they all, though, had a spirit to live. they wanted to be petted, n scratched,

and there was still life. there were atleast 50 puppies, all born there, and some were so small, so cute.

n then there was a pug, his hind legs was paralysed, couldn't get up, and was put in a cage. he coudln't get up, couldn't move, all he could do was sit on his hind, and he was hungry, desperate for love. his eyes were gorging out at the sight of us there, he wanted so much love. and i, today felt helpless. for once, i could get over my coldness to feel in my heart. the vet lady, said, almost pleadingly, we r looking for someone who can give 24 hours to him, else he won't survive. and i just stood their. helpless.

was thinking, dogs too have their luck, the hutch pug makes a lac a year, is carried in a lap at all times, n this one is just waiting to be touched, to be petted. he didnot even know how to absorb when we were petting him, wanted more, even when we were scratching him, he was afraid that it will go away, n only if he could collect it in a box and get it out whenever he wanted it.

ever felt like that, when u wanted to capture someones love n care, because u knew it wouldn't be there for long..!

there were a couple of just born monkey kids, afraid at first, n showing off their skills after sometime. cuddling with each other, in their fear n their joy, because they knew there was no one else.

ever felt like that, u become close to someone u don't necessarily like, simply because of the time u spend with them, u start caring, even if u don't love. because thats the only one u can share with, sharing ties the bond.

we are living without any objective today, just living, a conversation a day before, look how firangs live for something more then jsut money n a good life and just plain fun, look at us, living for the weekends.

get over whatever is stopping u, start living.

live more. i want to...

take care.

the great indian aerosmith show!!!

Indian Ocean is far better, atleast u don't feel like they are doing a favour by coming here n putting up a show. because thats exactly how aerosmith felt like. 1800 bucks down the drain, would have been totally wasted if it was not for the b'lore crowd.
and indian ocean doesn't feel like a show, a very managed planned out show. aerosmith came out rocking, their was no build up, no usual up and downs in the tempo, what was there was a very managed show, where the contract ruled how many songs, and above that which songs.
they didn't sing the crowd fav, well indian crowd fav's but played some of their new album songs expecting the crowd to sing along. should have studied the market and come. at the end of it, we, select few were almost begging them to play some more, but were left feeling cheated and shouting abuses.

one of my friends pointed out, that all these bands come to india only at the fag end of their careers, when no one is listening to them in the states or europe, when will a nelly furtrado or an eminem come here??

don't think it was a waste of money, bangalore crowds were there to watch, and it is a beautiful crowd, i guess thats why the shows come here. a mix of all kinds, but all looking very vibrant, we are a young country for sure, by age and heart.

take care.

(found this saved in my drafts, left me wondering why was it not published because i sure as hell was pissed off that night...)

An Info advert by Bangalore Traffic Police

I keep on telling everyone, Future is in India!!!

All those who crib about life here, we are getting there..!

jumbled up lives...

there are so many parts to our existence, we exist differently at home, at work, at friends place. like cats our lives are very place specific, and sometimes very people specific as well.
each of these sub existence might have a color of its own, home life may be very happy when office life sucks, relation with parents might be really good when the one with significant person person might not be.
and the problem with these sub existences is that they keep on permeating each other, they keep on crossing the boundaries, we bring one life into another. and since negativity is the dominant force in life, one negative life, one black life, makes all other colors dark, and sometimes as dark as black itself.
negativity at one life darkens our heads which controls all our lives, and life in our head seems dark, even the whites are seen with dark shades over our eyes.
don't mix up lives, if u do make sure u mix them so well that they are the same color. don't let ur professional woes affect ur emotional relations. if they do, make sure ur emotional relations are understanding enough, strong enough to withstand 'em. else keep to urself, share but don't transmit it to another life.

my dad once said - never bring ur office home, and home to office. never let one aspect of ur life affect the other. keep it seperate.

its such a disappointment when someone doesn't share the same intensity of passion or joy or happiness that you have about something which is very personal to you. and it takes away a part of that joy from u, u start doubting, whether what ur feeling and the magnitude of it, is it really worth!!!

and when ur joys are shared in the same intensity, the joy multiplies.

ever been in a team which has won something after a lot of hard effort, the victory celebrations go on n on, the memories, everytime recalled, have the same effect.

but thats in a team, where everyone was responsible for the victory, is it possible for someone to get the same intensity of feelings for someone else's victories, or losses. If there is someone, that i believe is true love. love which transcends selfishness.

take care.

'Life in a metro" - 20 reasons to see it twice...

why

1) for the dialogues -

" did u leave her or did she leave u?"

" i guess love left us..."

khamosiyon ki ladayi - the wars of silence

and many more... listen to the lyrics of the song.

2) for being so so sleek in its treatment and through its cinematography

3) for peeling of the thick crust of hustle bustle and showing the calmness, tranquility of bombay which lies underneath, for being the first movie which makes mumbai look like NY, gives it the same charm, a soul an ultra sleek look.

4) for being able to capture mumbai monsoon so beautifully

5) for the sensitive treatment given to each story (watch the love scene between dharmendra n nafisa ali)

6) for how the stories all end up at the same place (n the station looks beautiful)

7) for knowing that not all the stories have a happy ending

8) for the guts of the director, and the actor (irfan khan) to portray what a male really thinks, and justifying it beautifully.

9) for kay kay menon who has the guts not to shy away from doing such filthy characters. (first was in sarkar)

10) the beautiful dialogue delivery of the bengali girl (forget her name)

11) for the beauty of kangana raut, and also her portrayal of a lonely person who'd go through anything for getting the feeling of being loved n wanted, where all the facts n logic are glazed over by hope(also in gangster)

12) for how the feature length song has been integrated into the movie

13) for the song - n the band - n the looks of the band - n their ability to change the tempo as per the movie - n the vocalist who looks like that firang singer who sang "i would do anything for love, but not that"

14) for making people laugh, at regular n surprising intervals

15) for shilpa shetty, looks n acts good.

16) for bringing back dharmendra n more so for nafisa ali

17) ahhh tired... for tackling love the way it was.

18) for how the shilpa shetty kay kay menon thread ends - u'd expect her to leave him but how she gives her family another chance, for showing how big a girls heart can be, n how small a man's brain...

19) for how the story continues along with the credits

20) for there are so many more, just go n watch it, if u have, then a second time, these are the sort of movies where u discover something new eveytime u see 'em, as in matrix, departed, KANK (yea yea...i liked it a lot)

n yea the b'lore crowd needs to be cheered,

for staying till the credits ended,

n for cheering the movie, appreciating it.

n also the theater which showed the credits...

A homeless man sleeping at a bus stand, notice the 'kachua chaap' coil!!!
Surprising n Adorable.

Brought a smile to my face.
(click on the pic to enlarge)

the unending reservations debate!!

so ru for reservations or against them?? and specify what kind of reservations are we talking about, based on economic status or based on social status. and is helping economically (loans etc) a better option to reservations.
well majority of arguments are against reservations, simply because anything given for free is always taken for granted, misused. Reservations are crutches given to able bodied people, which makes them dependant.
the entire logic behind reservations is that the upper castes have been priviledged all these years, and thus now have to make up, pay up. so they have to give up some of their priviledges to the unpriviledged.
one argument often offered by many youth is that our generation doesnot believe in discrimination on any basis, we are ready to give a fair chance in a competitive environment to anyone ready to fight. Why should we pay for what our fore-generations did??
well then aren't we as a country being double sided, on the carbon emission front, we are accusing the developed countries of harming the environment for so long that they should pay up now, own up to it and cut emissions even though our own emissions are responsible for a major portion of the total emissions today.
we should take responsibility right,

anyways talking about the environment, its such a huge oppurtunity for us, if we start reserach on environmentally friendly technology, we'd rule even after the pension years kick in. but here we are, being defensive as usual, not grabbing the oppurtunity. there was an article in sunday times somedays back saying the same.

take care.

confession of a guilty non-vegge..!

the place i am presently living is near a meat shop (there a also a 'desi daaru ka theka' but doesn't matter here..) many times i hear the shrieking of what sounds like a duck. and for some time i was wondering, who would keep ducks here. then realised they are not ducks, but thats how chicken sound when begging for their lives.

i, a pseudo bengali,am hard core non veggie. i relish it more then any other food, and frankly, for me food doesn't taste like food without it. although can and have lived without it, meals seem like 'should i eat today' instead of 'whats in dinner today??'

for sometime (three years i guess) i left it, before that i would always defend and defend passionately. but someone very significant n influential who i value, reasoned as to how hypocrite i was being, loving animals on one side, keeping two dogs, and still eating non veg.

frankly, i don't think its hypocrisy, human kind has been hunting for ever, pain is felt by every being, the food chain and all other systems would simple collapse if we do not have hunters.

but then in Bhopal i saw how chicken were halal, n how fishes used to wriggle n struggle till their last breath. i was pained by what i saw, but also am very practical in life, know pain is sometimes necessary.

had an epiphany which made me loose.

humans are not hunters anymore, they are breeders who kill. we actually rear all sorts of animals just to kill them. imagine living only to be killed.

only fishing is still hunting.

but all this are just words. over the last year, i have become a devout non veggie, and so today eat n live with a guilt. but am sadly weak willed to live, i can't give up the sin.

went to a office party last time, where one of my colleague revealed that he had secretly started eating mean. asked for a reason of starting it after 6 years, he said that during one session of introspecting why he was not having much fun in life, he realised it was because of not eating mean.

and i swear, its quite true. once u have tasted mean, other food tastes like umm.. 'ghaas phus'

take care.

Carrot n Stick

how many of us praise or criticise often?? well we do criticise often, but praise rarely. criticism comes easier because its easier to see whats wrong, we are more attuned to the negative. it also makes us feel better, knowing that some..' else has a fault that we don't, makes us feel superior, feel better about ourselves. it is very selfish because frankly we are feeding on some..' else ego to raise ours. we degrade some..' to feel better about ourselves.
well if ur thinking 'i do praise a lot of some..' a lot of the time' well praise also is mostly very selfish. its many times done to simply make someone feel better about us, many times done as a favour. many times as a barter, since i praised someone, i should get it back as well.

its maybe one of the reasons neither do we praise people a lot, nor do we constructively criticise. what we do is help ourselves through these mediums, instead of trying to help some..' else. our praise/criticism should be more of a feedback then a selfish act, and from what i have seen feedbacks are not only asked for but also appreciated a lot.
They also make some..' feel better, even if its a negative feedback, since now atleast they have something to improve. And a praise, even on mundane things makes u feel better, sometimes can make your day. it acknowledges something some..' might have put effort in doing, and criticism pushes some..' to do something.

also praise the process even if the goal has not been accomplished to the fullest. because that praise will make the some..' to go ahead and try again, and better them selves.

I believe well thought out praise/criticism is even rarer. most of what does come out is on the spur, without giving thought to or trying to understand the basis of it. we might say to someone handwriting is poor, without understanding why, and whether there can be something done to make it better. criticism should always be followed by advice, else it is just to make someone feel worse, knowingly or unknowingly.

A senior once said, don't point out a problem if u don't have a hint of a solution first. or you know that a solution can be found.

i hope people criticise/praise more, and why even categorise it, just give more feedbacks, let some..' know what you think of what they are doing... you can start by leaving a comment to this post..!!!

take care n enjoy!!

The original Sony Walkman

Looks better then most of the models available today!!!

there is a script..

which life follows, its amazing how one thing leads to another. yesterday for the first time i felt that it was meant to be, i was meant to be gloomy, i was meant to pick myself up, make an effort to come out of my gloom, meant to be walking on the pavement when the accident happened, meant to be a bengali, meant to be there...

also many times if i have made an effort to change things, some force helps me out. if you just make the effort to change ur present conditions, its amazing how things work out. just a strong enough will is required, u should want it bad, and should take the first step, it works out.

like in that indiana jones movie, where ford cannot see the invisible bridge, he still takes the first step, he takes the plunge, not knowing whats coming... and he lives on.

well always take the plunge, you will float, u might not live, but ur body surely will float!!! atleast u had the thrill of the plunge...

take care.

tragiComic

a new word (for me)!! i didn't come up with it, but was used in TOI twice in the same issue in two different articles, by different authors, and i was wondering what is probability of that happening!!?!!

but it always happens, when ur thinking of something or you see somthing new, out of the blue, it starts appearing more n more. Happens to me quite often. recently for the first time heard about Royal Bank of Scotland, before the ABN takeover bid, and heard about it at the weirdest of places, my roomies love interest works there, and then read about it in some vague news article, and since then its been all over the place with the take over bid.

even dates have an unusal habit of re-appearing, 14th Nov is one such date. this day became significant around 7 years ago for me, and now there are atleast 13 people that i know who were born on this date!! and that inludes my dog jeanie!!

i wonder why, maybe we start paying special attention to the new thing, or when we hear, see or observe it again, when we come across it again it regiesters more prominently, since its been in our head. but i don't think thats the only reason. i guess we also attract it, when we want to hear about someting, know about something really bad, it comes to us.

its the entire energy funda a friend told me about and i have started really believing in it. manisfestation, more about that later.

and i guess that the reason it doesn't happen to everything, because we come across so many new things, new dates, new names, its only the one we really pay attention to, are in some way attached to whcih reappear. don't ask how i am attached to RBS, i might be taking it over after it takes over ABN..

for now let me just think about scarlette johansson (spellcheck..) alot, maybel i'll someday run into her. yea right, works only on repetitions!!!

PS, the word is beautiful isin't, how many times have we seen tragiComic situations in our lives, and believe me it can only happen to oneself, if happening to someone else its moslty more Comic then tragiC.

Thats why i don't run too much!! :-)

tech...mapped out..

we use so many devices to help us remember all sorts of stuff, to organise stuff like keep our accounts, remember occassions etc. But all these need us to input the information first for us to retrieve it afterwards. which is almost always tiresome. we have come a long way in making it easier, from writing to paper, we not have mobile phones with voice recognition. but still it is tiresome. for any memo u have to take out the gadget, say out the command and so many other steps.
imagine a system in which a gadget was driectly pluggedin to our brains. so every time we think of a something to save we simply preceded it with a command, like SAVE - "meeting tommorow" - and then commit it to memeory by maybe blinking our eyes twice or something of that sort. would make life so much easier,
well systems already existin in which the brain impulses can be felt by external mechanisms and can also be used to control such mechanisms.
Even more powerful would be if we could organise our brain. we could have a foldersystem mapped out in our brains. we could have a search capabilites and achiving facilities.
well we have it all, we just don't know how to use it, how to organise it.
maybe someday we will learn!!

bangalored..

have been here three weeks, and already loving the city. have seen a lot of metros, each city is characterised by it own culture, some u like some u hate. i like bangalore. i know people who have been here will say whats new!!!
was here long time back, n fell in love even then, always was a dream to come here, live here, experience the life.
the city seems so much more balanced, a great mix of the old and the modern, cosmo and the orthodox, stink n fresh,
the cemetries, the trees lining up the roads, the pavements on which u can walk for hours and distances without realising, the udupis and the coffees, the crowded stinking buses n the posh but suprisingly cheap city volvos, the fact that every third shop is a liquor shop, the abundance of non veg eatries, 85% of times it rains only between 4PM and 4Am, and that it is always unexpected, the fact that people here actually try out clothes u see in fashion mags, the abundance of skirts, the complicated flyovers, the surprising absence of cyber cafes and internet telephone whatever in the cyber city of the country, the fact that most probably the guy next to u makes more then u, how can i forget the juice shops, grape juice for 8 bucks!!, the ease with which u can find a place to stay, and u'd expect to a croweded city, but there is so much space here, u can be alone if u want.
and so much more still to explore...
i still don't know if this city has the heart, which bombay has, the heart which faces everything and stands up straight,
i wanna see what calcutta is like, was reading that street hawkers offer tired walkers their stools to sit on, in the sweetest of languages bengali. a city which has its own lingo, whcih i think bangalore lacks, or maybe have been here for a very short time.
lets see what NY is like...
take care.

smoked..

smoked after a long time today, its been going on for last many years, on and off, have to smoke once to know how much i hate it, and still everytime feel like a second...always

i decided at a very early stage in m life that i won't be smoking, had seen my dad smoke for 25 plus years, try to give up and loose the battle many times. had boasted about my resolve not to succumb, and was kind of proud of it, but hell...

smoking or any addiction drives u when there is nothing else. it maybe makes up for the absence of any worthwhile goals, have been addicted to coffee, to loud music, to coding, smoking is no different. its give u an instant kick, fires up ur head, its intoxicating, it gives an energy which maybe only true love can. the only diff is being in love doesn't kil, well ideally..

its a choice u make, u know its not good, u can feel it in ur head, in ur heart, in ur shrot breath (spelling please..), in every step u take, but its a choice u make. without an addiction life seems dull, so u take up something which harms u, but atleast jitna jeeto ho woh to interestingly jeeta ho.

i remember the movie a beautiful mind, russell crowe's character gets ideas only when he is off the medication, but it also causes him harm, screws up his personal life, n life in general. knows that there won't be a future, but on meds there is no present. he chooses his future, maybe because there is something to live for, what if there is nothing worth living for, there is no future, then i choose to live for the present. live now!!!

anyone who criticises smoking, if its a known choice then let it be. like the right to take ur life, of course there is no coming back from there,

don't smoke because othere are, because its cool, smoke for a worthwhile reason, not to fit in, but if it adds to u in some way,

weird but sometimes it does..

take care.

eYtinct..

yup, men are gonna be extinct in another, well don't worry, another many mnay years for that to happen, but yea, someday women are gonna rule.

first the Y was getting weaker, now they don't need the weaker Y at all, women can get by it, just need to preserve some stem cells. i am sure soon they will be digging graves to get bones out to extract some DNA which can be converted into the tadpoles.

have always known that women are far better then men at most things. they can handle more complexity, look at any women around u, handles work, home which in turn is a super set for husband/bf, parents, children, relatives, friends, grocery shopping etc etc. they are beautiful negotiators, good managers, are getting pretty good at decision making as well, are better power players then men, especially when dealing with men. they know how to have fun, are more creative, imaginative, and also don't sit on their asses all the time. believe in action.
they are more mature at the same age, have had many more critical experiences, have seen more life, and have understood more of it as well.

so why men?? well because i am still to see women who sees the future, who can make huge corporations work. who can stratigise, who sees the big picture. women are more into detail, i have seen very few able to look at the macro side of things, who can dream what can be!! who can be visionaries. and frankly visionaries are people who take the world forward, with a women in charge, u will have a more perfect world, but it will be the same old world. Life will be mundane, boring, stuck in time.

men are nothing in front of women, but for the fact that they can dream big, bigger then imagination permits sometimes. women can never create war just for ambition, men can!!!

and yea exceptions exist always, although they might not be the rule in this case.

take care.

have been here a week now, n frankly spend most of my time around the caffe!! its huge, serves great food, n has a TV which mostly has CNN or BBC (sometimes the cricket channel if lucky).
everyone including the contingent n service staff dine together, no restictions as to who can come n who cannot, so even people who take our plates for cleaning eat with us. this goes quite against the elitist image the company has. n frankly was so happy about it but soon noticed..
my piont is, till the mantality changes, till that feeling from inside changes, there will always be a divide. even thoug policy allows everyone to sit together, mostly the service staff sits at the far end of the caffeteria. what can be done to change that, simply putting policies can't help, may be if some of the top guys would make an effort.
Same with the status women are given, although about that next time.
take care

can blog from office!!

what a joy, i can blog from office, everything else which can possibly entertain me is blocked, but hey, i can blog!!!

the namesake!!

of all the moives, i saw this one with my parents, n thank god i did. if u can survive this movie n not come out feeling guilty, u have been a good son (am not mentioning daughters, they mostly are good) if u haven't its time to make changes.

the reason why gogol left maxine was a pt of discussion. seemed gogol misunderstood what max could do for him, underestimated her commitment n love for him, he only saw what he wanted to see, was too overwhelmed by the changes taking place in his life to see what was actually going on. doesn't this happen to us so often, we just remember the scences, never understand the story. day to day life n events masks the quality of life. thrills don't make us happy.
its amazing if two people could travel so much together that there is nothing more left to see. what a journey, n what a relationship.

many people who know me consider me a psuedo bengali, a namesake, so am not the right person to comment about the authenticity of the bengali culture, but i did actually see on of my bengali prof uncle in irfan khan's character. n tabu, her expresions, were so bengali.

am reading the book abhi, lets see how tht turns out.

i realised sometime back what parents are, hope everyone does. we give so much to people who have just come into our life, forgetting parents who have been there for ever!!!

thanks to u i realised it.

later...

take care