smoked..

smoked after a long time today, its been going on for last many years, on and off, have to smoke once to know how much i hate it, and still everytime feel like a second...always

i decided at a very early stage in m life that i won't be smoking, had seen my dad smoke for 25 plus years, try to give up and loose the battle many times. had boasted about my resolve not to succumb, and was kind of proud of it, but hell...

smoking or any addiction drives u when there is nothing else. it maybe makes up for the absence of any worthwhile goals, have been addicted to coffee, to loud music, to coding, smoking is no different. its give u an instant kick, fires up ur head, its intoxicating, it gives an energy which maybe only true love can. the only diff is being in love doesn't kil, well ideally..

its a choice u make, u know its not good, u can feel it in ur head, in ur heart, in ur shrot breath (spelling please..), in every step u take, but its a choice u make. without an addiction life seems dull, so u take up something which harms u, but atleast jitna jeeto ho woh to interestingly jeeta ho.

i remember the movie a beautiful mind, russell crowe's character gets ideas only when he is off the medication, but it also causes him harm, screws up his personal life, n life in general. knows that there won't be a future, but on meds there is no present. he chooses his future, maybe because there is something to live for, what if there is nothing worth living for, there is no future, then i choose to live for the present. live now!!!

anyone who criticises smoking, if its a known choice then let it be. like the right to take ur life, of course there is no coming back from there,

don't smoke because othere are, because its cool, smoke for a worthwhile reason, not to fit in, but if it adds to u in some way,

weird but sometimes it does..

take care.