Selfish again!!!

Joey says there is no unSelfish act, and Phoebe goes all out to prove him wrong...well is there an unselfish act?

This has been a question in my head for a long long time, and over the ears i have come to believe, both because of experience and logical reasoning (and some spiritual discourses) that there are no unselfish acts in the world. Logical reasoning comes out of Darwin's theories, and from AOL discourses, both say that every has to be selfish to sustain the world. Darwin says u need to be selfish just to survive, AOL says, be selfish to be happy, because if ur happy, then only can you make others happier. 

Same goes for Osho, who says be selfish and responsible at the same time, just that he uses freedom as another word for selfishness. Logically also, everyone has to be selfish, then only can you there be a balance int he world. if you are not selfish and everyone else is, then who takes care of you. if no one is selfish, the world comes to a standstill!!!

But there has always been an exception in my head, which i though was one example of an unselfish act. and yesterday i realized, not really. 

So i drive an Activa, and at nights when i park, don't switch off the Headlights, in the morning when i start again on the roads, invariably the headlights are on. And almost always, before i reach work (which is like 10 mins drive) someone or the other would point out. Always...and i always wondered why? is this the only unselfish act. It doesn't do them any good. 

and then yesterday, i realised. Again on my activa (most of these thoughts come either when i am driving, guess because always drive in a trance like state), and this time the Side stand spring had come off, so the side stand was just hanging. and atleast 10 people pointed it out, they would speed up from behind and tell me, even people who i though would have found it very difficult to spot becuase of the angles, would crane their necks, reconfirm and then shout at me. some with a little bit of scorn. and i realised...

these are not really unselfish acts, they are very much selfish. they are because these small things, which are out of place, out of the normal, bother you. bother your eyes. and they keep on bothering you. They also give you that small, very small, sense of doing some good in the world, you kind of feel good. and so, everytime you or i see someone whose indicator is on, or who's headlights are on, or a lady who's chunni is stuck in the car door...we point out. 

so with that view...here is the question. 

Knowing that everyone is selfish, how do you get people to do what is good for everyone as a whole, but not the individual, at least directly. and example being water harvesting...if everyone does it, the water table comes up, and everyone benefits, but no one wants to do it simply because they don't see the returns for them immediately. Also they want to know that everyone is doing it, that where comes the 'why should i do it alone' kinda questions. 

Am still struggling with this question. How to show immediate returns to the individuals, in cases where the overall good will come to the community only after some time. 

A simple answer is that some central agency (like the government) puts in the investments, and have the community individuals contribute indirectly (taxation), but then i have started believing that we should get to a stage where no government is required. (thats the Osho view btw)...and in which case, this entire concept breaks down. With all the wisdom that Mr Rajneesh provides, this problem is still not solved. 

so any answers??

PS: btw its not that the above is totally absent. but in community form haven't seen it. an example is of those bumper thingies people put behind rear wheels of any vehicles, which stop the mud from flying. It gives absolutely no advantage to the you, but you still put it for the benefit of others. Is it because of a fear of being shouted at by others, or is it just because its a norm. I am sure its not because you care about others. 

and the title has 'again' because i have already written a post titled Selfish before. 

T-1

my birthday today (well yesterday, but the post was supposed to be written before 12) and i ran an experiment..

i always used to think that anyone who knows and cares about me would remember my birthday, and would care enough to wish. I also used to think that birthday calendars, and stuff like FB birthdays made it so easy to wish someone, that the value of that wish went down completely. 

well so i did an experiment, the idea came last year, and what i did was i made my birthday on FB visible. and i made it explicitly visible, made sure my status referred to it. 

in addition this time i would remind people samne se about my birthday, met 1260 online, told her, went to the coffee shop, told uncle and so on. 

what i wanted to see is that if to me it feels worthless, all the wishes that is, whether i feel sad, or whether i have instead a good birthday. 

and guess what, got about 120 odd wishes on FB, some from people i have never spoken too, but know by name or face, a few by people who i don't know how got into my friends list or why, i don't know them. So point 2 is proved, FB does make it so easy to wish that you wish everyone. But then just about 1/5 of my friends list wished me so not all were same. 

what did happen was i got a lot of calls, and most of them surprised me. friends i haven't spoken to in 3 years, sisters from phirang land...it was quiet amazing. 

what also happened as a result was everyone knew, my work folks knew and so i was wished and there was a cake, and there was not 'ankur we forgot your birthday day and cutting cake next day'.

so results...well it was a good birthday, i was quiet cheerful. Got in touch with a hundred people, and it gave some a bahana to get in touch with me. Came to know that some people really care, and frankly, a lot of people apart from me had a lot of fun, no one was left feeling bad because of guilt (yea i know, i know, but you do feel a bit guilty if you forget someone close's birthday)

learnings...i try living a life of zero expectations, but then getting to that stage is difficult and time consuming...which means that you do expect a little bit, and if you do, you are bound to be hurt. But this time what i did was i expected, and i helped fulfill my own expectation. I was practical about it, people forget birthdays, let me make it easy for them to remember. 

More than anything, i made my birthday, i made sure that i did everything so that my small expectations get met. I also ensured that people don't feel guilty. 

as for as knowing who really calls, there is these three classes of people, friends whatever...those who don't care and still wish, you always get to know...but then thats a zero sum game, how does it matter?

those who care, you kind of know they would have called, and if they didn't, you know its because they forgot, and so just go ahead and remind them, spare them the guilt and you the 'not meeting expectations, and save a relationship. 

I have met so many people around who like secrecy, my problems are for me. apni achievements batao, failures nahi. Khushi batao, dukh nahi!!! Reasons being, people don't want  to feel in control of information, want to ensure that others think of how they want them to think about them. well i think its fututile...i just creates complications, and life is anyways to complicated for us to be creating more. I share everything, my failures, my sadness and my achievements. and mostly with anyone, give frank answers, people who care, who are decent enough hear me out or even help me. People who are not, well atleast they can't spread a rumor, or make fun out of it, simply because i was very upfront about it. and who cares!!!

and sometimes something new happens, something which you will remember throughout...i went to my coffee shop, saw uncle, and blurted out, 'uncle mera janamdin hai' and i was expecting him wishing, but no he says 'mera bhi'. I am like wat?? and he says 'ha, 28th sept, its my birthday but i never celebrate'. i for a moment was shocked and then touched. asked him to wear new clothes in the evening, and i got a small cake, and we shared it. was an experience, i promised we'll celebrate together every year that i am in Blr...it was such an experience, something i will remember this birthday for. 

bottom-line. i have realized this, you need to be happy for you to be happy, you need to make things easier for others to enable them to meet your expectations. 

yea i know a lot about my birthday, then am you know i am self obsessed narcissistic...so wat you complaining about??

PS: the title T-1, well T is for 30 in this case. A friend wished me like that yesterday. my mum scolded me for revealing my age, but then whats the big deal, how do years matter. I feel very young, was telling someone feel like am in college really, how does it matter that i am almost 30. well actually telling people that i am 29 gets me respect by default. so i use that a lot when required. :-)

and yea there is one thing that does get affected, i can't enroll for my dream mountaineering course once i get beyond 30. :-(

assets...!

day before i visited an old grandfather of mine, 95, almost bedridden and not very senile...i have been seeing him for years now, slowly degrading, lost his hearing many years ago and used hearing aid, and when his wife was alive and very chirpy, when asked how they had survived 75 years of marriage, he used to joke that he would just turn off the hearing aid as soon as she started speaking.

Yesterday he was very different, his son said that for the last week he has been very different, suddenly he has given up the want to live, he now wants to go away was how he put it. I sat next to him for about 15 mins, frail and wrinkly, he spoke to me in pauses, his eyes glazing over from time to time as he recounted his life. he told me about his sons, how they were settled, his wife who had given him everything, and his history of health problems. after every small story he would end it with 'he is now settled and happy' or 'he has this and that' or something like that. basically ending with a happy ending in which 'he'  has an asset built up.

assets, those things you toil for all you life, those things which are permanent, long term, which are the fruition of all your hard word, and which you showcase at the end. A house, a business empire, a car, a bank balance, well settled kids, grandkids, even a happy marriage maybe,  these are the things that you recount on  our death bed, the things that you you have to show for a life well lived....

but then, imagine that life...where you toiled for 22 years to pay off that housing loan, or you lived a compromise of a marriage so that you kid could group up well, what use is all that once you are gone.  you are not going to enjoy it, someone else is, but you spent you life building it. you never enjoyed ur life because at the end you wanted those assets...

instead if you had all those small things in life, a lot of small happinesses, a cycle you wanted, a bike you wanted, traveled the world, have the best gadgets always, party whenever you wanted...if you had all the small things which on a daily basis gave you happiness, why wouldn't you choose that over that one home??

its the classic question of what is important to you, the journey or the destination? the journey lasts a lifetime, the destination an hour maybe?

i know i am wrong, i don't know why. any comments explaining why are welcome!!!

take care

Random thoughts...in a very very sick state!!!

sick state meaning physically sick, and not otherwise...am sneezing at the rate of 8 per min right now, just hoping my nose won't fall off.
anyways first, apologies for the 'look and feel' of the blog, was just messing around, and didn't realise there was no preview mode, lost my original very simple template (which i loved)...and since then just haven't had the heart to even look at the blog, let alone try to restore it.
anyways...that out of the way, as i said, am sick, and have written about being sick before and how you feel about it and stuff...just one thing to add, when ur sick, or when ur actually dying, all your ideals give way. If you can stick by your ideals when they are tested, those then are worth talking about. Your ideals, till they are truly tested in challenging conditions, are just ideals, they are not really principles you live by, but really quotes you would like to live by.

saw this 30 minute documentary about the life of our universe, actually beyond the universe. answered one questions for me, and gave rise to one thought. the question answered was what was there before the big bang, and what is beyond the universe....well before the big bang were other big bangs, and beyond the universe are other universes (where the laws of physics might actually be different). question answered. well, atleast someone tried to address the question.

also today it dawned on me that our lifespan of 80 years or so...is like insignificant in the lifespan of our universes. we are nothing, by degree of time or degree of number (there are about 7 billion of us and thats just counting humans). but still, we try so hard to matter. to leave a name, but its ironical, if you look at the scale of the universe or beyond, that name is nothing. think of from the perspective of that higher being who is maybe controlling everything (if it there isn't one, think there is), for that being, you or i don't really matter. but for you and i, we matter.
also...was suddenly thinking of how if you know where someone is coming from, or where someone has been, or what someone has been through, if you can know the influencers on a person, you can judge a person quiet a bit. simply because we all are just a collection of influences. each of us would have maybe, and just maybe one original thing which is not there anywhere else, in anyone else....and that too might be mostly because of an accident. very very few are actually different because they want to be so, and don't think anyone one is unique at all....
and that unique thing is our contribution to this world, to the universe. It makes sense right, to have such rarity. if it wasn't rare, then we would have progresses so much so quickly, would have hit the peak at 26 (taking a quote from 'in good company'). its like genetics, change is very very slow, over a period of generations, its slow because you cannot predict the outcome, and so it needs time to prune out the bad outcomes. not sure if the same reason applies here.
too vague and arbit...well. Imagine if 10% of the population was einsteins and newtons and such, we would have been where we are today in like one generation, what after that...you would think there is so much to discover, we would have discovered more, but then would we have been able to make sense of what we discovered, would everyone have been able to absorb it, even today when we are going so slow, half the population doesn't know newtons third law, thats after 400 years of its discovery.
another thought is that i always say i want to know everything...but then i never will be. at the most i can know everything that has happened in my lifetime, but there is so much which is going to happen after i am gone. We hear the sun is going to die in 5 billion years, hell, we not gonna be able to see it. so how idiotic is it of me to say 'i want to know everything'.
it all comes down to scale, how high up you look from. how much you want to see and in how much detail. imagine a floor lined with newspaper sheets...if you are at 10cm from the floor of sheets, you can read individual letters, if you are 1 mt you can see individual columns, at 10 mts individual sheets, 100 mts just black and white garbled, at 1 km, just a greyish floor (or maybe a pattern), at 10 km nothing...
its all about at what height you are looking from, and always know this, whatever height you are at, there is a place higher then your spot, from which someone else is watching you. you only part of a game someone is playing....
as i said..am very very sick today!!!

India...

its most unlikely of me to write a post titled 'India' on an independence day...too cliched for me...but then had some thoughts and in the mood to write. Make something out of another wasted weekend...

i always have maintained that i was to stay in India, how ever convenient life is outside, in US or other developed nations, they after sometime become boring. they have achieved what was to be achieved, life is usual and mundane. In India, life is interesting is what i used to tell...interesting because every day there is something or the other, every moment, you see something interesting, a bomb blast here, an elephant on the road, a newly built road being dug up...something or the other, good or bad, but things keep on happening here.

today was watching this movie Peepli Live and realized, our country is such a big farce. It is full of such contradictions. a country of a billion being pulled by a mere hundred thousands...a million problems, no solutions and still progressing at one of the highest levels in the world...

India is so amusing, you can't stop smiling at the things that go on in the country, at one end we have sages who give insights which are the sign of a civilisation matured to the highest levels, on other hand you have the funniest of scams.

an incident which my friend told me and i need to write about...

on a jam packed road today, a scooterist lost a one of those plastic flags stuck to an straw which was tied on his rear view mirror...and it flew across the road. The signal has just opened, but instead of flying past, which most people do even if someone has fallen on the road, four vehicles, all side by side stopped so that they didn't crush the flag as it flew past them. Finally the flag landed just before a BMTC volvo bus, the drive braked sharply, and someone from the bus actually got down picked up the flag passed it along from vehicle to vehicle till it reached the scooterist, who was still waiting for it. this just amazed me.

but then i also ask this question, isin't this only symbolic. is it only on the 15th august and 26th jan that our patriotism rises, is it only when we see a flag or hear Jan Gana Man, or watch an India Pak match that we start feeling all patriotic. what happens when elections are taking place, or when billion rupee scams erupt or when there are serial bomb blasts, what happens when someone asks for a bribe.

we don't really feel possessive about our country, we don't feel like owners. We do for our state, our city, our area and so on, but on for the country as a whole. Maybe that needs to change.

I don't know, just asking some questions, in my heart i know i am as guilty as anyone else.

Marry ur best friend..heard and wrtten about many times before. Recently speaking to Mai, I asked her why she loved mohito, idiotic question because if u love someone, there are no reasons to it!!! Anyways after a lot of because and err...and a lot of prodding came the straight answer - "because he is my best friend" made me smile.
Anyways this post is not about marrying ur best friend but realising that some people of the opposite sex mght be better as friends then as partners. The thought came watching the song from love aak kal, the best breakup song, althought the song is about breakups, the video is about friendship, having fun.
It's amazing when u stay friends with ur ex-love interests, it works out really well. You can be completely yourself becuase she already knows u quiet well, n more over ur not trying to showcase anything, because there are no chances of anything happening.
You talk freely, because you know each other, understand each others nature, and have accepted it. Moreover the bad things in their nature don't irritate you, you don't have any stake in it!!!
You talk about everything without having to give lengthy backgrounds...they know the history, and so there is this sense of familiarty..!
And u can talk about current relations...there is no jealousy, and there is a very frank opinion given...they have seen you in a realtionship, they know how ur and they have no qualms in telling you that so...
What else...well the point is if you do break up and it's one of those breakups where no one is wrong and as sherry said in 'meteo' - "love left us", make sure ur friends with 'em...they are the best you can have. And maybe ur were only supposed to be friends!!! If it was a passionate relationship, then will take time to get over grudges, but u will, don't let it go...
So here to all the ex's who turned out to be far better friends.

‎"Obstinate are the trammels, but my heart aches when I try to break them. Freedom is all I want, but to hope for it I feel ashamed. I am certain that priceless wealth is in thee, and that thou art my best friend. But I have not the heart to sweep away the tinsel that fills my room."

Rabindranath Tagore in Gitanjali.

leap of faith...

have taken two, and then one more, literally...the first was somewhere in the Himalayas, jumped from one rock to another...those roundish huge rocks weathered by the ganga...i remember i thought for like 20 mins...had two or three false tries...and then i just got tired, and made the jump. hobbled once on landing, but then stablized and...

the second was an experience. was at the banks of Powai lake, on the IIT side, and there is this huge land mass, then what looks like a very narrow creek, and then another landmass. there were many people there...the creek looked really really tempting, and the mood i was in...

again cam the waiting, staring at the creek, thinking, nope can't do it and walking away, coming back, nope i can't, what will people say....and then i just thought, what the hell. took a quick run and jumped. 

landed right on the edge, it was clayey, my foot started slipping, but thankfully took another short jump and was on firm ground...and then the crowd erupted. people started shouting at me, are you mad and this and that. i was like 'iit kids, why would they shout at me, insanity should be part of the culture here...anyways, the one thing which caught my was a comment by someone, the creek is 10 feet deep or something.

and then the fear set in, the only way back was jumping over the creek again, but then izzat ka sawaal bhi tha, took a deep breath, did a trial run (which people thought was supposed to be an actual jump, and when they realised it wasn't, they thought i chickened out) and then took the leap again, this time with ease, actually shouted out 'fuck, that was easy!!!' after landing. 

and that was my bragging part of the post. now why i am writing this.

when do you take a leap of faith, well when you really really want to do something, when you really feel strongly about something, and when you know what the consequences could be in its entirety, when you know what if it goes wrong, what if it comes good. but you can't really know whats gonna happen, there is this feeling of uncertainty, and when ur just tired of waiting for the fog to clear. you just take the risk.

the thing with these jumps is, that since you don't know whats gonna happen, you give it ur everything. and somewhere in between that leap, an unknown force takes over you and carries you...i remember distinctly that it seemed like i was floating during that jump, time had come to a standstill, my body was not moving, i was just floating, as if something else was carrying me. then comes the landing...and then comes the euphoria out of the realisation that you made it. it is a high not comparable to any...you feel supremely confident, you fell immensely powerful, you feel indestructible, you feel nothing can conquer you, and sometimes if you are weighed down by something previously, you feel liberated.

leaps of faith are important, should be taken once in a while, just to reaffirm urself...for a short period of time you get a very very pure feeling of joy which helps. 

i have no idea why i wrote this post...will add when i do. 

understanding kids...

saw the movie Udaan yesterday...not a great movie as per movie standards go, too one dimensional, missed out on the explanations of why, but then it does make you think on you own. The movie is about a teen not  being understood at all, watching the movie, most who have not gone through it as a kid , think its extreme, but it happens, in varying degrees.  mostly it happens but in a very subtle way...and i think happens more in India (or developing, under developed countries) then anywhere else.
then read a couple of articles given here and here...and that made me think. 
One point which comes out of all these is that Kids need to be understood, i an introvert by nature, have been trying to find out for a long time why i am like this. what moulded me to be an introvert, was it my genes (it wasn't), was it my childhood, my youth? 
the thing is, there are signs early on, and they get cemented as you grow up Nothing wrong with being introvert or being another kind, but it needs to be understood. Understood early on, and parents behavior needs to be changed accordingly. 
as a kid, and there is nothing new i am saying, you are like a clay sponge, you absorb things unknowingly, at a very subconscious level, and you mould yourself, without knowing how or why. You develop defenses against what you perceive will hurt you...and these stay with you throughout, because they become so deep rooted in you subconscious, so even if you, like me try to understand the reasons, and on actually understanding them, are unable to get over them. Most, and i mean most, don't even try to understand the reasons, most are unable to figure it out, so actually trying to change is impossible. 
the movie Udaan, gives a good perspective on the father, he did want to be there for his son, he did go to the school, and wrote once in a while, but never knew what to say. thats the typical indian father,  but then again the reasoning is also give....he says 'i spent my life getting everything for you, making sure you had everything, that you went to the best school...' and thats the gist of it. 
thats why i mentioned the developing / underdeveloped nations, the generation of the 60's and 70's, had to work so hard to just put the basics on the table, and for them ensuring their kids got what they didn't was the most important thing, so a continous pursuit of money was the most important thing. they thought that kids will take care of themselves.
also because of the upbringing they had, (and explained by the dialogue by the father in Udaan "agar hum aise jawaab deta to ek chaata milta" or something), because of the fact that their parents thought that kids should grow up on their own, don't need guidance et al, but just ensure that they get their food and discipline, they too, unknowinlgy, inspite of all the love and care, became like that. 
a third factor is understanding and maturity of a society, i have written about this before, now that India is maturing, and now that the basics are available for a lot of people, they can start thinking of the abstract higher level needs of kids. Making sense?
Parents also used to think that understanding a kid, talking to him/her will make him/her all soft, will not enable them to be tough, and being tough was important then more than it is now. well i kinda agree, but then a balance needs to be maintained, and to maintain that balance a parent must have time. If just providing for your kids takes up your time...
thinking about it, it might seem that an understanding parent, but someone who is not able to provide for everything would be the best, but nope, not sure of that. 
let me say this at the end. and this not just a disclaimer, but its circumstances, because of what your parents did for you, because the good education that they gave you, you are what you are and able to think of all these things for your children. It progression, balance is easy to speak of, but if you find it difficult to buy uniforms for your kids, you are going to find it really difficult to explain it to them and hear them out. 
PS: reading back this post, the tone kind of blames parents, but believe me, i understand and i respect, this post are just my way of understanding and making sense out of it. Don't take me wrong.
also reading back, Udaan does touch on all these things, doesn't explain it too well, but then its Anurag Kashyap, and the new age India Cinema, which assumes a higher level of intelligence and maturity from the audience. 

freedom...how much and why?

Saw a debate on the Supreme Court judgement in India about the right to Freedom of Speech, that it should not be absolute, but with some reasonable restrictions. The debate was on NDTV - the Big Fight.

Absolute freedom should be given, but only when the society as a whole and as individuals can use it responsibly. To make sure that the society is responsible, the society has to be mature, mature not to overreact to criticism, not to take it as a threat to their beliefs, but to take it as an opportunity to self question. That requires confidence as well.

Another question to ask is, why do you want that absolute freedom to say anything. To pass judgements on anything and everything, whether it concerns you or not, or, to ensure that you speak up against what you think is wrong.

The first is just the absolute wrong reason, and thats where defamation cases come in. more about that later. but the first, just gives rise to channels like current Hindi channels we have in India, and helps groups of people to take advantage of the issues to push their own agendas, like certain groups in India, who 'organise' protests against everything, right from couple sitting in a park, to Bihari in Bombay, to M F Hussain's paintings.

The second, where you don't like whats happening, you don't agree with it, you don't think its right, but it doesn't really affect you directly, you are not involved in it directly - to what extent should you be allowed to speak or action? It is not your cause, you do not understand it fully, even if you do, you surely don't feel the emotions around it to the same extent as the one's directly involved. So are you in a position to make extreme statements about it? or for that matter take extreme steps to justify your postion, and still not be directly involved.

I believe, the absoluteness of freedom of speech should be directly related to the maturity of the society, and / or the effectiveness of its judgement systems - courts.

If the society is mature, can make and take positive criticism, and can decide on what is the larger good, then yes, absolute freedom. Because then, extreme situations won't ever arise, people who have an opinion will speak it out mildly, but continually, and people who they have the problem with, will take a look at every opinion, and judge it at its merit. And as required, change.

That would be ideal, but if the society is not as mature, the courts come in picture. The courts ensure that extremism is not there, and if it is, it is justified. Anyone who doesn't really care about something, shouldn't be making statements about it...anyone against whom statements have been made, doesn't just try to mute the statements, but instead gets into a healthy discussion about those statements.

Rules should only be for a society like ours, the immature society, where a majority doesn't know right from wrong and don't really care, a minority are selfish and will use this freedom to push their own agendas and manipulate the majority...that is where Rules, absolute rules are required. True, rules mute down the extreme 20% of the spectrum, because of these rules the progress of society will be slowed down, because those extreme thoughts are the ones which change the world, but even though the process will be slow, it will be steady, it will not be a roller coaster right which will leave many hurt and dead.

Some more things:

Is use of violence justified, well before you ask that, ask why does someone resort to violence. Simply because what they want to say is not being heard...because their voices are so weak, that its easy to ignore them. And they haven't been heard for a long time...and so the only resort for them is violence, to ensure that attention is paid to what they are saying.

This simply points to a failure of democracy, where smaller, weaker groups are not heard. If the democratic mechanisms were efficient and effective, every small problem was heard, and a reasonable answer given to it, this wouldn't really have been a problem.

Defamation cases - I don't think you can file a defamation case against someone just because they said something against you, i think you should only be able to file a defamation case if you know that the other person didn't have enough information to say what they said, or they don't really care about it, but made a cavalier comment to piggy back on the news it creates.

Never should we take away the right to criticize. It will make the world a easier place to live in the short term, with everyone just praising everyone or staying quiet, but in the longer run, it will make our world static. Most of the changes come out of criticisms...specially the slow ones. There are few big bang idea led changes. If you don't let anyone criticize, the creators are always gonna think their creations are perfect and will never want to change.

A lot of this becomes very clear if you read what Osho has said. Freedom with responsibility, experience something before commenting on it, slow inborn change...are all fundas from Osho.

Also can't find the recording of the debate online, but some of the comments in the post are attributed to or refer to what was said in there. Like India not being a mature country, like the fact that we have very good democratic mechanisms (on paper at least) but the people not keep pace with them.

And also i love the fact that more and more people are talking about 'the idea of India'...we really need to understand what our country stands for. we have all learn it in Civics, but do we really understand it, do we really care about it.

long time...first post form the iMac i think...

anyways, lots has happened over the last quater...life is still the same. :-)

everyone thinks i look happier, i do, they ask me, they think i found someone...i just laugh in my head...:-)

anyways corporal punishment and dog stories.

hitting kids to discipline them, right, wrong? if ur my age, you must have surely been slapped, caned, punished. Do you have a grudge? did it help you in any way, or did it just make you dheet (used to). 

I was beaten up, in school, and at home. At school, remember this incident i was slapped without any real reason by my comp sir, slapped 16 times, ear bleeding i went home, didn't tell anyone. that day and today, i have take each and every less then perfect teacher's case, have developed a hate for authority and been a sucker for the weaker guy. 

anyways so did that help, nope it didn't. but that beating was not supposed to help me, it was frustration taken out on me...and thats the point i want to make. 

if a beating is given as a punishment, in the right amount, and it is ensure that the student know why, and understands why, then it is good. Its not a tool to be overused, well always should be underused. More importantly, the person using this tool should be very sure of the reasons, beating out of frustration will create monsters. am reminded of the Brad Pitt movie, 4 guys in prison, beaten up by that singer-actor. anyways. secondly an explanation, along with the punishment is very important. that puts things in context,  and more then an explanation, i think there should be a discussion before hand, ensure that the kid understands what was wrong and why, and then punish, so that the punishment seems justified. 

dogs...any animal for that matter. they are just scared of you, they don't have the intelligence to understand you, they just have the instinct to know that you might hurt them, and for good reason. its now got into their genes i think. so be kind to them, they will not bite you unless they feel threatened. they are always on the defensive, so just let them sniff you once or twice and then pet them..they will be your best friends for ever. 

and do not take out your frustrations on your dog. they are not your punching bags. 

and stop being hypocritical about keeping dogs, keep them as family and call them pets, or keep them as guard dogs and call them that. 

I remember watching 'I dream of Jeanie', not really sure what attracted me to it, but two things I remember from that sitcom was how Jeanie would blink her eyes and things would happen. And the other was the bottle she lived in, that purple colored long mouthed bottle which used to have a round sofa set and all comfort you can imagine.

We all live in our own Jeanie's bottles. We love to live in that protected environment, which is familiar and secure. Where we have built out  comfort zones, where we know where to get everything.

In my case, more then anything the firm I work for is a Jeanie's bottle for me. They give me everything I need, money is good, they ensure that my higher needs of getting respect and feeling powerful are satisfied. They spoil me with random comforts and perks. And not that the work is bad, work is good as well.

But then, I don't know what's happening outside the firm, my work world Is limited to that bottle. Because of the comforts I have, because of the security, you kind of forget your aspirations.

Frankly speaking, any kind of a commitment is like that bottle only, a commitment doesn't let you look beyond. You adjust your expectations to what that commitment can offer, lower you expectations. Only if there are actual problems do you wonder, is there something better outside the bottle?

There are two kinds of people, the ones who love the bottle, and the ones who love living up in the air. The second want to be those animals who roam around the earth, who visit different places, who meet different people, who see the beauty of every place, who fall in love to those places and people, but who don't want to be attached to anything. Who want to see everything, who are more about the breadth then the depth.

 I want to be the second,  and am fighting really hard not to end up the first.

Reminds me of george clooney movie, 'up in the air', the guy must have struggled really hard live that life. I can imagine the amount of opposition of that kind of life, because people want to be secure and attached and labeled. And when he started living that life, he must have been lonely, alone in his quest. Because  you have to be uber lucky to find someone who wants to go on an unending journey.

I think, that life is what everyone should live unless you have something or someone that makes it worth sticking around, makes it worth spending your life in that bottle, and mind you, without compromising, without lowering your expectations. Even after knowing everything, knowing what out there, you wanna stick around.

I have been flying around for 10 years now, and have become aware of it, and have started liking it for at least three years now. And the one who'd make me wanna stick around has come and...

PS - this is written 'Up in the air', literally, on a flight to home to fight another of those battles.

And I won't review 'Up in the air' but although I find something or the other in most movies I see, there are very few where I see my own reflection. 'Up in the air' was one…!

Take care

ank

awareness...

so every yoga / meditation class i have attended, the one objective that the trainer has told us is to be more aware. I have always wondered what being more aware is...hearing that butterfly in the traffic, knowing that a speed breaker is coming.

i am the passive kinds, i like to be in a trance always, not spaced out mind you, but basically i love to be within my own thoughts. and the best example of this is when i am driving, i always have those sound blocking earphones in my ears, am mostly wearing dark glasses, and so manage to block the world out. and am mostly thinking of what i am thinking. i am mostly not paying attention to the road, but always have a sense of the traffic or where i have to go, but am never never paying attention to the road.

but then that is not awareness. or is it?

it took, of all people, to make me realize what that is.

awareness is knowing, quiet implicitly what is going on around you, and maybe even the reason behind it. To be knowing the not so obvious.

to know that you are in a sulky mood, and to know know why, maybe.

to know that the uncle listening to the group leader doesn't know the language.

and yes, to also spot that kite carrying a long piece of cable in its beak (i did yesterday).

awareness makes ur life more richer, more colorful, simply because you start seeing more and more things. and u start growing.

how to get there, well i am not there yet, but to get there, you first need to make space in ur own head, you need to lessen the noise (which can simply be done by making sense of the noise, i you can acknowledge all the thoughts coming in ur head, if you can become aware of them, they will simply vanish). and thats where yoga helps, a lot.

i'll blog again about meditation, but what i do and suggest everyone to simply do is to just sit at a spot with eyes closed for about 30 mins straight. not move, not speak, do not open ur eyes whatever happens, just sit quietly. and do that every day for a week at least. at the end of the week, u'll feel different, and mostly better.

anywyas...

Couple of explanations

Diff between trance and spaced out - well trance ur not completely blocking the outside, but sieving it really. u let in what you want to accept. Spaced out is temporarily being lost in thought, and not really being able to pay attention to what is going around you. Trance is more like the the 'away' status on an IM client, as soon as a message arrives or as soon as you make a movement, it changes to green. Spaced out is as simple as sleep.

How does wearing black glasses block the world out, the world can't see my eyes, so they can't make out what i am thinking, gives me a sense of privacy.

the blind side...

so am gonna keep this real short and crisp...

the title...is based on the movie, the movie called for a dedication, and so here it is.

well the movie is great, and Sandra Bullock was fabulous, she won an Oscar and totally deserved it. Its amazing when people give such unexpected performances.

anyways the blog is more about one thought, which was triggered by Bullocks comments in the acceptance speech. She said that she was lucky to have a mom who taught here all the right things, who let her make her own choices. And that was exactly the character she plays in the movie.

Well my question is, why don't you find more parents like them. Every parent wants to be the best parent in the world, every parent wants to do what is best of their kid, atleast till its their kid, and has not become a grown up well educated thankless son...but still, every parent influences their kids in negative ways. Every parent, some time or the other has shouted or beaten up their kid for no fault of the kids, out of their own frustrations et al. well why?

because to be a perfect parent, you need to have had a perfect parent for yourself, who provided a perfect life. because everytime some problems come in your life, it affects you, changes you, and you move slightly away from being that perfect parent..!

Sandra Bullock in the movie seemed to be happy in all ways, successful, she didn't have any problems of her own, good marriage, money, great kids, and so was able to take that additional responsibility, and be a good mom. but not everyone is.

not as short and crisp as i wanted it to be...

anyways.

from the art of living...!

...and added to by me, hopefully you'll be able to make out which is which!!! :-)

1. the state of being high is very very similar to the state u reach after meditation. First one requires less effort.

2. "the most used compartment in a man's brain is the 'nothing compartment" - Russel Peters. "Meditation is nothing but the art of getting to a state of nothingness" - from the Art of Living. "Men are mostly always meditating" - the humble me

3. plain as vanilla right...well try describing vanilla to someone who has never had it, mighty difficult to describe something that plain!!! Somethings just have to be experienced in life, cannot be described. or maybe somethings are so plain that they don't have any attributes to describe them by..!

4. "20 minutes of this surdarshankriya is equivalent to 4 hours of sleep, if not more". Yea right, am awake at 4 in the morning!!!

5. First there is awareness, then comes action...and finally success...or like me, believe in 'ignorance is bliss'

6. so there is Shakti - Power, Yukti - Skill and Bhakti - Prayer, three things required to succeed in anything. The first two I understand, but frankly Bhakti, or saying 'i have done everything i could, rest is in your hands' is just an excuse you find in case you don't succeed.

7. There is no selfless act, says the great Phoebe, and Art of living says 'everyone should be selfish'..!

8. So the instructor asks for some examples, and this guy starts giving office examples. Come to think of it, we only do such 'think about urself, look inside kinda courses @ work'

9. People are seriously unaware, while sharing our experiences about 3 random kind acts we had to do the day before, everyone was speaking in English. No one noticed the most enthu guy was a 60+ year old uncle who didn't understand english, and so was not able to contribute, and slowly that expression of gleeful enthusiasm turned to self conscious disappointment...none of us did the kind act of speaking in Hindi.

10. Get up at 5:15 in the morning, so that i can go to this place and sleep again at 6:15 AM. Yoga / meditation or whatever it is that we do, surely gets me amazing sleep!!!

11. If you think something is wrong, never even do it once, especially thinking, 'ek baar hi hai, will not do it again', because believe me, you will do it again and soon although you still think its wrong, you'll also start thinking, 'chalta hai', and will become used to doing the things you never thought you will, never wanted to do. So, don't start, once it starts you won't be able to end it...and i am sorry for you if its already started..!

Still WIP btw...!

dog vs man...a short story!!!

dil to bacha hai ji - Part II

the song is here now the post...

wanted to see this movie as soon as i saw the preview the first time, and unlike what the reviews said, it was as good as i thought it would be. there was something missing, couldn't make out what though.

but then the post is about those subtle hidden things that you can take meaning out of, maybe because you have had similar experiences, or you just connect with it. thats the thing about these arty types movies, its like a painting, you see abstract art, and you, depending on ur experiences, on your perspective, can see things which others don't.

anyways, i love the juxtaposition of the two characters, of romanticism vs flamboyance, and how at the end, you realise, what ever your style, pyaar to pyaar hi hai, danke ki chot par karo yaa chup chup kar mann hi mann main!!! loved that.

how vidya's character, shows that a woman can do anything for love and revenge, how they can use people to get what they want, and how neither does the woman feel really guilty neither you, the used, feel revengeful (bad and hurt yes, but u can understand it), because ultimately, if you know love, u know this was done for love, and as the saying goes, all is fair in love and war....

and thats why i loved the ending, where the three of them end up as friends, well the dudes are still in love, but then what is true love but the fact that you feel happy that the loved one is happy, even if with someone else...!

the dialogues were good, the director hinted at what he wanted to say, and left the rest for you to interpret.

the setting, ah, eastern UP, it has a charm of its own, rustic as it is, it never ceases to suprise. the hindi...so sweet and beautiful, even curse words like MC BC sound good...i miss staying there!!!

naseer was his usual self, and this should have been easy for warsi and vidya, who looked classically beautiful.

i liked how the director created some suspense, he showed the burn marks on Vidya, and explained it later...

some gems in the movie...kuku, sena main bharti hona hai, teri lu kya and such...

also the fact, and something i have written about before, and is not very easily justifiable, sometimes its ok to do the wrong thing for just the sake of momentary happiness, in this case, vidya's sleeping with warsi or flirting with naseer to get some affection, i know most would say that it was just a ploy, but well not completely, nothing is ever black or white, life is always grey...

the two songs are awesome, dil to bacha hai ji applied to all three protagonist and frankly to all of us. right so, nahi to life main majja hi kya, whats the point of living an always serious faultless life??!?

and for once, bharadwaj named his movie appropriately...couldn't be better named.

so many other things i can't remember, blame it on my pathetic short term memory, but all in all a great movie...one for the collection.

PS: had loads of fun watching the movie with friends, partly because of the movie and its dialogues and situations, and partly because of the comment baazi (intentional and unintentional) of our group...saw it in one of the cheaper multiplexes and was good to see people hooting and whistling and loud bouts of laughter all around. this was one of those movies, where the atmosphere added to the movie...

i live by the adage 'experience everything' which includes understanding every song if not living it...i have seen many bollywood (not the hyperbolic ones, but a toned down version of them as well) playing in my life, sometimes as the protagonist and sometimes as a side character. and this is so true about ishiqiya...lets see if KANK comes true as well!!!

also on a seperate note, i am happy that most of my friends and acquaintances don't read my blog, or maybe they do and i don't know about it, but it lets me write what i want to write, if there was some way of knowing who visits my blog, i wouldn't have been this frank, am more naseer then warsi, lets see who wins (or maybe both loose)!!! See... :-)

am almost finishing up on hurt locker, another review coming soon...well maybe!!!

take care

Ciao!!!

i don't know, you decide...

was on a flight from Ahmedabad to Bangalore yesterday, and something happened, and i can't decide whether i was right or wrong...but am sorry in any case.

so the build up...the flight was 1.5 hours late, it finally arrived and we were comfortably seated. all well till now, the engine starts revving up, u know like just before running down the runway for take-off, how the engine gains full power, you can feel it in ur bones, but the plane was just standing on the tarmac, and was almost at full power...i tell myself its not a helicopter.
soon a lot of mechanics came running to the plane, and after 20 minutes of what seemed like no activity from the window of the plane, the go ahead was given. the plane starts rolling and a rythemic grinding sound starts coming, every driven a cycle, heard that sound when something on the rim rubs agains the brakes, similar sound, just very very loud, almost screechy. ok, i am a bit alarmed.15 more minutes of standstill waiting just before the take-off and i am thinking something is wrong. apparently not, the flight takes of smoothly.
I am seated at the second emergency exit, 13A, someone is at 12A, and then two other people at 13C n 12C. The flight attendants comes to explain the procedure to open the 15 Kg door, and starts with, 'you are sitting at the emergency exit door, will you be will to open it during an emergency' and this guy on 12A, a very well built guy wearing black shades and a black shirt goes 'No'. the rest of us and the flight attendant stare at him to see if we heard right, well we did, his seat is changed. Who says 'No'!!!
we ascent, the pilot tells us on the PA that we are 37,000 feet, outside temp is -49C, and i think, if you would have to crash the plane, you could just open the emergency door. am sure there are some kinds of safeguards.
and then the guy on 12C proposes to the female flight attendant, she couldn't stop blushing for the next 20 mins, and couldn't help smiling every time he passed him for the rest of the time. Her male counterpart kept on making fun of her throughout. not part of the buildup but worth mentioning.

12A (window seat next to emergency door) is empty and this guy moves from his seat a couple of rows ahead to 12A, almost hops, very sudden. a flag goes up, it mostly does in my head when i see something out of the ordinary expected, just me being my curious self. i start observing the guy, muslim guy, bearded, wearing a crushed kurta pajama with a sweater and one of those woolen monkey caps, carrying a red colored handbag, with something written in urdu on it.
i catch his eye, am wearing my black raybans, and his glares into my eyes, doesn't blink...
he keeps on looking out of the window, so much so that his nose is stuck to the window glass. very very fidgety, keeps on unbuckling and rebuckling his safety belt, keeps on looking back and front, all sudden movements.
seems so agitated, i start getting a bit concerned.
now he keeps on staring towards the back, towards the loo's i think, and then suddenly gets up halfway and looks towards the front, signals or something. another guy catches his eyes, and there is this look of understanding in his eyes, accomplice.
now i am concerned, its been almost 45 mins, and my noisy head is full of thoughts. two possibilities, second being he is a first time traveler, you would expect them to be a bit nervous. this guy is grown up, in his late 40's, you would expect some control on his emotions. second thought, if it were the obvious, then he'd actually be quiet, try not getting any attention to him. thats how its in the movies...
meanwhile he keeps at it, still not calm, still as agitated if not more, almost expect him to stand up and start saying his prayers anytime now. and i tell myself, u'd be luck to get to blr this time'

so i take the decision of informing someone, go up to the flight attendant at the back, say, 'i don't want to be alarmist, but the guy in front of me is kinda concerning, is very agitated, keeps on moving in his seat a lot...et al', and the flight attendant asks me my seat, 13A, and he goes ah the guy with the cap, and i say yes.
anyways come back to my seat, and after about 5 mins, his 'accomplice' moves to 12B...not good. they both start fidgeting, one bends forwards...and then suddenly both get up, go to the back toilets, one in each, on the way the guy with the cap signals to some guy on of the back seats. i seriously was preparing for them to come out with weapons...!

they don't, they come back, and start talking. the guy with the cap asks the female flight attendant for some tea who gets it for him and smiles at the guy on 12B. they start talking casually, the guy on 12B showing and explaining stuff in the plane, and pointing out of the window and all....
first time traveler.

now i am feeling guilty, a little bit, tell myself better safe then sorry. tell myself, its not even an error of judgement, anyone observing would have come to the same conclusion. but i don't know, you decide. i know why i was a bit more hyper, and i am a very very calm, quite fearless guy most of the time, but then all the movies and all the news has changed me, unconsciously. tan said day before that u like it or not, u want it or not, all these things do affect you unconsciously, and it had.

my sincere apologies to the guy at 12A, i am thankful that the flight attendants didn't over react, because if they would have, it would have ruined a first time travelers experience, caused him embarrassment and justifiably angered him and would have exposed my hypocrisy.

My apologies.