saw the movie Udaan yesterday...not a great movie as per movie standards go, too one dimensional, missed out on the explanations of why, but then it does make you think on you own. The movie is about a teen not being understood at all, watching the movie, most who have not gone through it as a kid , think its extreme, but it happens, in varying degrees. mostly it happens but in a very subtle way...and i think happens more in India (or developing, under developed countries) then anywhere else.
then read a couple of articles given here and here...and that made me think.
One point which comes out of all these is that Kids need to be understood, i an introvert by nature, have been trying to find out for a long time why i am like this. what moulded me to be an introvert, was it my genes (it wasn't), was it my childhood, my youth?
the thing is, there are signs early on, and they get cemented as you grow up Nothing wrong with being introvert or being another kind, but it needs to be understood. Understood early on, and parents behavior needs to be changed accordingly.
as a kid, and there is nothing new i am saying, you are like a clay sponge, you absorb things unknowingly, at a very subconscious level, and you mould yourself, without knowing how or why. You develop defenses against what you perceive will hurt you...and these stay with you throughout, because they become so deep rooted in you subconscious, so even if you, like me try to understand the reasons, and on actually understanding them, are unable to get over them. Most, and i mean most, don't even try to understand the reasons, most are unable to figure it out, so actually trying to change is impossible.
the movie Udaan, gives a good perspective on the father, he did want to be there for his son, he did go to the school, and wrote once in a while, but never knew what to say. thats the typical indian father, but then again the reasoning is also give....he says 'i spent my life getting everything for you, making sure you had everything, that you went to the best school...' and thats the gist of it.
thats why i mentioned the developing / underdeveloped nations, the generation of the 60's and 70's, had to work so hard to just put the basics on the table, and for them ensuring their kids got what they didn't was the most important thing, so a continous pursuit of money was the most important thing. they thought that kids will take care of themselves.
also because of the upbringing they had, (and explained by the dialogue by the father in Udaan "agar hum aise jawaab deta to ek chaata milta" or something), because of the fact that their parents thought that kids should grow up on their own, don't need guidance et al, but just ensure that they get their food and discipline, they too, unknowinlgy, inspite of all the love and care, became like that.
a third factor is understanding and maturity of a society, i have written about this before, now that India is maturing, and now that the basics are available for a lot of people, they can start thinking of the abstract higher level needs of kids. Making sense?
Parents also used to think that understanding a kid, talking to him/her will make him/her all soft, will not enable them to be tough, and being tough was important then more than it is now. well i kinda agree, but then a balance needs to be maintained, and to maintain that balance a parent must have time. If just providing for your kids takes up your time...
thinking about it, it might seem that an understanding parent, but someone who is not able to provide for everything would be the best, but nope, not sure of that.
let me say this at the end. and this not just a disclaimer, but its circumstances, because of what your parents did for you, because the good education that they gave you, you are what you are and able to think of all these things for your children. It progression, balance is easy to speak of, but if you find it difficult to buy uniforms for your kids, you are going to find it really difficult to explain it to them and hear them out.
PS: reading back this post, the tone kind of blames parents, but believe me, i understand and i respect, this post are just my way of understanding and making sense out of it. Don't take me wrong.
also reading back, Udaan does touch on all these things, doesn't explain it too well, but then its Anurag Kashyap, and the new age India Cinema, which assumes a higher level of intelligence and maturity from the audience.