dil to bacha hai ji - Part II

the song is here now the post...

wanted to see this movie as soon as i saw the preview the first time, and unlike what the reviews said, it was as good as i thought it would be. there was something missing, couldn't make out what though.

but then the post is about those subtle hidden things that you can take meaning out of, maybe because you have had similar experiences, or you just connect with it. thats the thing about these arty types movies, its like a painting, you see abstract art, and you, depending on ur experiences, on your perspective, can see things which others don't.

anyways, i love the juxtaposition of the two characters, of romanticism vs flamboyance, and how at the end, you realise, what ever your style, pyaar to pyaar hi hai, danke ki chot par karo yaa chup chup kar mann hi mann main!!! loved that.

how vidya's character, shows that a woman can do anything for love and revenge, how they can use people to get what they want, and how neither does the woman feel really guilty neither you, the used, feel revengeful (bad and hurt yes, but u can understand it), because ultimately, if you know love, u know this was done for love, and as the saying goes, all is fair in love and war....

and thats why i loved the ending, where the three of them end up as friends, well the dudes are still in love, but then what is true love but the fact that you feel happy that the loved one is happy, even if with someone else...!

the dialogues were good, the director hinted at what he wanted to say, and left the rest for you to interpret.

the setting, ah, eastern UP, it has a charm of its own, rustic as it is, it never ceases to suprise. the hindi...so sweet and beautiful, even curse words like MC BC sound good...i miss staying there!!!

naseer was his usual self, and this should have been easy for warsi and vidya, who looked classically beautiful.

i liked how the director created some suspense, he showed the burn marks on Vidya, and explained it later...

some gems in the movie...kuku, sena main bharti hona hai, teri lu kya and such...

also the fact, and something i have written about before, and is not very easily justifiable, sometimes its ok to do the wrong thing for just the sake of momentary happiness, in this case, vidya's sleeping with warsi or flirting with naseer to get some affection, i know most would say that it was just a ploy, but well not completely, nothing is ever black or white, life is always grey...

the two songs are awesome, dil to bacha hai ji applied to all three protagonist and frankly to all of us. right so, nahi to life main majja hi kya, whats the point of living an always serious faultless life??!?

and for once, bharadwaj named his movie appropriately...couldn't be better named.

so many other things i can't remember, blame it on my pathetic short term memory, but all in all a great movie...one for the collection.

PS: had loads of fun watching the movie with friends, partly because of the movie and its dialogues and situations, and partly because of the comment baazi (intentional and unintentional) of our group...saw it in one of the cheaper multiplexes and was good to see people hooting and whistling and loud bouts of laughter all around. this was one of those movies, where the atmosphere added to the movie...

i live by the adage 'experience everything' which includes understanding every song if not living it...i have seen many bollywood (not the hyperbolic ones, but a toned down version of them as well) playing in my life, sometimes as the protagonist and sometimes as a side character. and this is so true about ishiqiya...lets see if KANK comes true as well!!!

also on a seperate note, i am happy that most of my friends and acquaintances don't read my blog, or maybe they do and i don't know about it, but it lets me write what i want to write, if there was some way of knowing who visits my blog, i wouldn't have been this frank, am more naseer then warsi, lets see who wins (or maybe both loose)!!! See... :-)

am almost finishing up on hurt locker, another review coming soon...well maybe!!!

take care

Ciao!!!

i don't know, you decide...

was on a flight from Ahmedabad to Bangalore yesterday, and something happened, and i can't decide whether i was right or wrong...but am sorry in any case.

so the build up...the flight was 1.5 hours late, it finally arrived and we were comfortably seated. all well till now, the engine starts revving up, u know like just before running down the runway for take-off, how the engine gains full power, you can feel it in ur bones, but the plane was just standing on the tarmac, and was almost at full power...i tell myself its not a helicopter.
soon a lot of mechanics came running to the plane, and after 20 minutes of what seemed like no activity from the window of the plane, the go ahead was given. the plane starts rolling and a rythemic grinding sound starts coming, every driven a cycle, heard that sound when something on the rim rubs agains the brakes, similar sound, just very very loud, almost screechy. ok, i am a bit alarmed.15 more minutes of standstill waiting just before the take-off and i am thinking something is wrong. apparently not, the flight takes of smoothly.
I am seated at the second emergency exit, 13A, someone is at 12A, and then two other people at 13C n 12C. The flight attendants comes to explain the procedure to open the 15 Kg door, and starts with, 'you are sitting at the emergency exit door, will you be will to open it during an emergency' and this guy on 12A, a very well built guy wearing black shades and a black shirt goes 'No'. the rest of us and the flight attendant stare at him to see if we heard right, well we did, his seat is changed. Who says 'No'!!!
we ascent, the pilot tells us on the PA that we are 37,000 feet, outside temp is -49C, and i think, if you would have to crash the plane, you could just open the emergency door. am sure there are some kinds of safeguards.
and then the guy on 12C proposes to the female flight attendant, she couldn't stop blushing for the next 20 mins, and couldn't help smiling every time he passed him for the rest of the time. Her male counterpart kept on making fun of her throughout. not part of the buildup but worth mentioning.

12A (window seat next to emergency door) is empty and this guy moves from his seat a couple of rows ahead to 12A, almost hops, very sudden. a flag goes up, it mostly does in my head when i see something out of the ordinary expected, just me being my curious self. i start observing the guy, muslim guy, bearded, wearing a crushed kurta pajama with a sweater and one of those woolen monkey caps, carrying a red colored handbag, with something written in urdu on it.
i catch his eye, am wearing my black raybans, and his glares into my eyes, doesn't blink...
he keeps on looking out of the window, so much so that his nose is stuck to the window glass. very very fidgety, keeps on unbuckling and rebuckling his safety belt, keeps on looking back and front, all sudden movements.
seems so agitated, i start getting a bit concerned.
now he keeps on staring towards the back, towards the loo's i think, and then suddenly gets up halfway and looks towards the front, signals or something. another guy catches his eyes, and there is this look of understanding in his eyes, accomplice.
now i am concerned, its been almost 45 mins, and my noisy head is full of thoughts. two possibilities, second being he is a first time traveler, you would expect them to be a bit nervous. this guy is grown up, in his late 40's, you would expect some control on his emotions. second thought, if it were the obvious, then he'd actually be quiet, try not getting any attention to him. thats how its in the movies...
meanwhile he keeps at it, still not calm, still as agitated if not more, almost expect him to stand up and start saying his prayers anytime now. and i tell myself, u'd be luck to get to blr this time'

so i take the decision of informing someone, go up to the flight attendant at the back, say, 'i don't want to be alarmist, but the guy in front of me is kinda concerning, is very agitated, keeps on moving in his seat a lot...et al', and the flight attendant asks me my seat, 13A, and he goes ah the guy with the cap, and i say yes.
anyways come back to my seat, and after about 5 mins, his 'accomplice' moves to 12B...not good. they both start fidgeting, one bends forwards...and then suddenly both get up, go to the back toilets, one in each, on the way the guy with the cap signals to some guy on of the back seats. i seriously was preparing for them to come out with weapons...!

they don't, they come back, and start talking. the guy with the cap asks the female flight attendant for some tea who gets it for him and smiles at the guy on 12B. they start talking casually, the guy on 12B showing and explaining stuff in the plane, and pointing out of the window and all....
first time traveler.

now i am feeling guilty, a little bit, tell myself better safe then sorry. tell myself, its not even an error of judgement, anyone observing would have come to the same conclusion. but i don't know, you decide. i know why i was a bit more hyper, and i am a very very calm, quite fearless guy most of the time, but then all the movies and all the news has changed me, unconsciously. tan said day before that u like it or not, u want it or not, all these things do affect you unconsciously, and it had.

my sincere apologies to the guy at 12A, i am thankful that the flight attendants didn't over react, because if they would have, it would have ruined a first time travelers experience, caused him embarrassment and justifiably angered him and would have exposed my hypocrisy.

My apologies.

dil to bachcha hai ji...!

was thinking of this some time back...i have gone through such highs and lows, i would expect myself to have become a bit numb, a bit immune.

neither am i immune, nor am i numb...am still alive, thankfully!!!

and then today found this song...describes my kiddish, always hopeful heart quiet well...

if i am asked, and i have been asked,

would you prefer a more stable, less eventfull,

and ultimately easier life,

i wouldn't...life should have crests and troughs,

the higher and the deeper the better

life should be interesting always,

whats the point of just being alive,

you should feel alive.

cheers to that,

and to a hundred more crests and troughs...

enjoy,

ank.

humility...so undervalued!!!

so a fb status and comments on it. i started bloggin about this twice and stopped...didn't have very clear thoughts about it, but then its something which has been on my mind (and frankly pissing me off) since the start of this year, so here goes.

Arrogance, as defined, is the state of having overbearing pride...arrogance gets a lot of mileage, i have seen arrogant people get a lot of attention and sometimes respect as well, respect mostly out of fear i guess, but still. where as people who are humble, have the undervalue quality of humility, are just taken for granted. they are liked, no doubt about it, but mostly are not respected.

arrogance coming out of some achievements is ok i guess, u have achieved something that others haven't and so you are proud of it, but i still believe the higher being is the one who achieves a lot, and still stays down to earth, it is a level of confidence which doesn't require you to showcase ur achievements.

its like the Nouveau riche, or people who get quick rich out of startups or something, you can always make out, flashy cars, flashy clothes, the places the visit and how they act. compare to people who are rich since generations, their is a subtle touch to them, they seem far more classy...

anyways the two comments left above...first is of course about me, i, i think, surely others do, used to be really arrogant, and that mostly was the bad kind of arrogance, not achieved anything, but people and myself saw potential, and i was basically capitalizing on basis of future unrealized potential. guess happens with every kid out in college, atleast those who haven't lived a tough life, who have gone through the hardships, who have been provided for, but then u start going through experiences which humble you, you start failing at ur dreams and realized that their is a big factor called luck, and their are circumstances, and forces bigger then what you can control, heck, bigger then what you can understand, and the arrogance dies off, slowly, surely. i wish i could tell the kids i see now a days about this, but guess that is how life goes, u have to go through ur own disappointments, ur own failures, to realize we are all human, and the end all equal.

the second, by an American, tells so much...about them, about why they are successful. if you have achieved something, talk about it, hell, get a loudspeaker and shout it out...and frankly, working for American company, talking to a lot of people, somewhere i have started realizing its not wrong. selling urself is not bad, 'let ur work speak for you" doesn't always work, or atleast, takes a long time for people to just realize ur work..but ensure u have something to back it up with.

but still the entire thought of talking about urself, somehow feels ichy...guess just the indian mentality.

sorry for the rant, if thats what you think it is (it true :) )

later

ank

the new age government job...

as soon as you start getting comfortable...its time to quit what you are getting comfortable...that, in my mind, is the only way to keep on moving forward.

well yea big big statement, now where it came out from.

so when i joined my current job, i knew from the start that this was not what i really wanted to do. frankly, i don't want to do a job, i want something of my own, but this job was not that bad. i got good work, i enjoyed what i did, got good money, which led to a comfy life. but then this was not what i wanted to do...

now i have gotten used to it, which means if i want to move on, it will be double difficult, once their is a lack of inspiration, secondly, their is a lack of push too. i am comfortable being stationary.

was talking to my ex team lead...he made the same point. you get good money, you get respect, you feel good about your self and you end up spending your life here. because life is comfy, you don't really want anything else. but then at the end, you haven't achieved your dream. you are still a rat at a new age version of a govt job.

well...my jobs a bit better, but still not there...

anyways got inspired watching chak de to write this post.

later...

the best way to get over politics is to just work...

thats the last piece of advice my team lead gave me...and for someone i didn't like to start off with, i now find most of what he says very meaningful.

i don't really look up to people, the question which is usually asked to people, 'who is your idol?' mostly leaves me baffled. i always sheepishly answer, my dad, which is true but i also know how cliche'd it sounds...

i don't really look up to people because most of the people i have met have some qualities, but the life they have lived is not really extra ordinary. they are not extra ordinary people, just normal people with some extra ordinary qualities. they don't inspire me....they are not wholistic enough for me.

come to think of it the only person except for dad who has inspired me is Chacko sir, my physics prof in 11-12th, but then again, i didn't really see too much of him to justify it.

but i have seen a lot of kumsha (that's his login), and i am inspired. i didn't like him to start with, mistakenly took him to be a dilliwala, which he was, but then over the last three years, he has changed a lot.

kumsha was always a mystery to me, i have not met anyone who follows his dreams, who is an idealist but knows that the practical political world devours the idealist, who has compromised somethings to retain what was the most important to him, to retain his idealism. ofcourse on this journey, this struggle to be what he is, he has been humbled, but that humility has only made him more clear and more sure of his ideals.

in a long discussion (more like mentoring session) once, he told me that i need to change to be more acceptable, i need to become more diplomatic and political and all that. but then at the end, the one thing he told me which actually inspired me to take on the world was 'don't change so much that you are not what you are'...meaning give in 20% if it helps you retain the rest 80%, but if someone asks you to change that 80%, just don't. and i really loved what he said.

intelligent, strategist, visionary, a good executioner when need be, a mentor and a friend, and a pretty good philosopher ...kumsha is all that and more. he is driven by his dreams, add to that a very fun loving guy...

he also has a great personal life, which is kinda opposite to what chika once said 'either have a successful marriage, or a successful career, both don't come together', i was surprised to know he married his school time sweet heart...was so curious about it and asked so many questions about it, that his wife ultimately commented, 'he IS the inquisitive one'...

Sharad, this is for you, its good to know that people who have followed the path i have chosen don't always end up big time losers!!!

i will miss having you around to save my ass...and to give me the much required pep talks. for me you are my first and best team lead...

best of luck...and take care.

we killed our mother...

thats a quote from 'the Avatar' and for me something which, more then anything else sets the movie apart.

avatar is a great movie...the Fx made me go 'fuck amazing' after a long time...3D makes it just better. the plot has been used quite a bit, a hero goes to fight someone and finally realizes he is not fighting against the evil, but for the evil, and changes sides and wins the war....but then someone told me, their are only three basic plots, well am sure there are more then three, but not that many...

what matters is the presentation...and well, this movie presented the idea in a very different way. the entire idea of humans going to another planet, trying to build relations with the civilization their, and ultimately trying to run them over, was quite unique. mostly its the other way around.

so back to the quote...the movie passes a very subtle message, we are killing our our mother, our mother earth. we are using it up for our comfort, and soon we won't have anything left to use up. we are killing all that which makes the world a beautiful place to live in.

think of the na'vi as the human civilization 10,000 years ago, and it makes sense. i guess thats what Cameroon was thinking about. what happened to enjoying the beauty around the world. valuing that beauty and making sure we don't destroy it...today we create cities by destroying that beauty, and then try to recreate that beauty in the city as theme parks...kinda ironic.

makes me also think this...what is the purpose of all the progress, what are we progressing at. from what is see, everything we do is just to make our, the human civilization's life to be more comfortable, and to have a longer life to enjoy the comfort...

guess it all comes down to the so call human tendency of never being satisfied, or always wanting to move forward...but maybe we are instead moving backwards.

other comments on the movie...well people complained that it was only 3D in parts, maybe you just got so transfixed on the movie, you forgot it was 3D, if you know what i mean. i liked the fact that at one point, which came quite early in the movie, the story took over from the graphics...

the time shown in the video logs says LST...think it should be PST (pandora standard time)

their were a few gaps in the movie, or maybe i just missed out on somethings..the synapses, all trees are connected idea was not developed. also the transferring of souls part was a bit far fetched even for 2154...but i loved the idea of you controlling another living creature by just connecting to them...i think that is coming in our lifetime. also what the hell was unobtanium...it has a Wikipedia page though.

a friend, just returned from the States commented that the movie also passed a strong message against US...well don't wanna comment on that.

anyways long post...

and yea, am putting this on FB simply because i thought there was a very subtle point being made which needs to be highlighted, in the small way that i can.

take care

PS: is it a coincidence that this coming out in conjunction to Copenhagen, yeah yeah, me making too much out of the 'subtle message' now!!!

life at its ironic best...

Scene I

9 year old boy, innocence personified, arrives in a new city...

goes to his new school, find out his aunt is the principal...

aunt asks the teacher to take him to the two sections of Class 5, so that he can choose...

boy walks in the lobby, wondering, how do i choose a section...

passes by 5A first...peeks in...and the first thing his eyes set on is a girl...and thats all he see's...

teacher pulls him to section B, tells this is the better section...better students better childrent...

then the question, 'beta, which section'...ummm...5A madame!!!

Scene II

an year has passed, boy is well settled, one of the top five rankers, and the class monitor...

the girl...ah the girl, is also one of the top five rankers...but he is in lovvveeeeee...

the boy has made friends...his best friend, also in the top five...is also in lovvveeee...

with the same girl...

they best friend...writes a love note to the girl...in the name of the boy...

the girl cries, the teacher summons the boy...shows the love note... 'I LOVE YOU GIRL - BOY'

the boy cries...i didn't write this...

the detective teacher say - 'write a love not exactly like, we will compare the handwriting'

the super bhondu boy write the love note exactly like that...

now the teacher compares the two love notes, both say...'I LOVE YOU GIRL - BOY'

and the teacher shouts out ' Eureka, it was you after all'

and the boy sheepishly says - 'but..but, you asked me to write it exactly like it!!!'

and the girl and boy don't talk for a long long time...

Scene III

the winters come and go...and the girl and boy don't talk...

but the bhondu boy is a good boy, and the girl sees this...

and then the sweet girl talks to the bhondu boy...

and love blossoms...and the world is rosy again...

the boy falls sick...and the girl comes meet the boy with her mum...

and the boy watches her go back all the way home...

and then the girl falls of the stairs and breaks her back...and the boy visits her with his mum...

and the girl would have watched him go all the way home if she could get off the bed...

the best friend is jealous...doesn't talk to the boy.

and passes taunts...and becomes super competitive...

and fights with the boy...and humilates him at cricket...

and kicks him out of the group...

but who cares...the boy is in love and his life is set...

if only...

Scene IV

the boys dad gets transferred, damn marketing job...

and the boy moves to a new, big city...

and the best friend, when saying goodbye has a sinister look on his face...

and the boy is heart broken

but the boy doesn't forget the girl...

and writes to her, every week...religiously...

and draws big hearts...and sprinkles sparkles and spray perfume...i think

and cycles to the post office, looks at the letters like its his will...and posts it...

and waits and waits and waits...

did i write my address right...did the best friend take over...is she ok...

and he waits and waits...

morning and evening, dad after day he tracks the postman...

but the letter doesn't come...

and then out of the blue...it does...

and his heart floats...he doesn't need anything more...

and he starts writing another one...more hearts, more sprinkles, better perfume,

and cycles to the post office and post the letter...

he waits, confident that the next reply will settle everything...

but no letter comes, morning and evening, days and weeks...no letter comes.

event he postman changes...but no letter comes...

and then the big city takes over, a new girl, but no letters this time...

but he doens't forget the girl...

scene 'i forgot the count'

the boy grows up...does well for himself...

shifts to an even bigger city

many relationships have come and gone...

the boy still remembers the girl...

and the world has changed...

the world is now moved from snail mail to email to Facebook...

and one night the boy searches for the girl on Facebook...

but as luck would have it...he finds the best friend...

who also is in a big city...at a good job and now...married...

and a fleeting thought crosses the boys mind...

and he, with trembling fingers, clicks on his marriage connection...

and after 12 longs years...finds his girl!!!

true story...

Tiger Woods and his 11 mistresses, for almost all of us, its just a news, masala. I like the way he has handled his disgresssions though, very dignified, ironic isn't it. Frankly speaking, i am not opinionated about what he did, its not my place to judge, i don't know the full story, believe no one does.

anyways had a theory about this, why the people at the top, people who have proven themselves to be the best of the best of our society, do such things. well, replace people with men actually. this is specific to us, the still to evolve sex.

so my theory is this, these guys are basically the top of the food chain, they are the alpha males, and as per the rules of the animal world, the alpha male gets the chicks...a lot of them, its biology, they need to spread their seeds, the best seeds their are!!! and thats what they do. ...

but our human alpha males can't, they are married and committed and all that. so they can't, society doesn't like it. the problem is marriage and commitment are not something which is natural, they are acquired traits, but alpha males needs to spread seeds is very natural very instinctive...so, conflict is inevitable!!! can't blame guys for it, can ya??!?

:)))

well that was that, girls reading this, please don't abuse me too much. am not gonna do it...am never gonna be the alpha male anyways. ;-)

btw - BOBILLI VIJAY KUMAR, writes about sports for the Times of India, and i have found him really good, his article about Federrer after he lost to Nadal was a classic. and this one, linked here is sarcastic and quite funny.

anyways, to more serious topics...

yesterday we got into a debate on whether its good to be an idealist. the examples were from music world and FB, its origins. A very idealist guy from the North East, (a region where i think we have the most idealist youth living, something to learn for the rest of the country) made a point that why can't you just do something for the love of it, why should everything be a business, should generate a profit...

why can't we just live on ideals, on the fact that i make my own kind of music and i want to share it with people who like it, why should i have to commercialize it??

well thats where the conflict is, if you want to make your music and you don't really care about what people think about it, whether someone listens to it or not, thats idealism, what every happens you won't change it. the moment you want others to like it, appreciate it, their goes your idealism, the moment you want to spread ur music, you are already on your path to commercializing it.

i gave the example of Fb, Zuckerberg started out with FB as a way to keep in touch with people at Harvard, he a pretty little server, he wrote the app, and since he didn't really put in any additional money into it, it was a zero profit zero loss for him. then came other universities, who wanted to use the app, and so he said, ok, let me put in 10 other servers (made an investment here) and share it with others. At some point the dude must have realized, 'this has potential' and must have approached the Venture capitalists, or maybe the other way round. well thats when he turned it into a business.

Nothing wrong with it, and i think, if you want to spread you idea, you need to make a business out of it. as for your ideals, well you many times have to give some...

Rehman today, has western tones to his music, maybe to commercialize it, maybe to get acceptance, the point is, he, at that point might have decided, 'ok, so what if in a album of 10 songs, 1 is not really what i want, i at least get 9 of my songs across.' the question is when do you stop, if you end up with all 10 songs of what the 'public' demands, then you lost out.

take care...me off to cycling.

ank

friends..

yup yup...friends again, but this time, not only the sitcom but 'you have clowns for friends' group of friends that i have in blr...

i have watched friends everyday for 10 years now...i remember it started on Star World 10 years ago...it started, if i remember right, on the first day of my 12th board exams. if ur an Indian, you know what 12th board is, its basically ur career, and everyone, everyone is tense. ur parents treat you extra special, people call up on a daily basis to ask 'kevu gaayu exam aaje'...but their is also this hanging tension anywhere you go..ur home, ur friends home...the streets even. '12th na boards chale che' atmosphere anywhere you go....

anyways, which is a word i think i picked up from Friends, although the 's' at the end is mine, well anyways, i missed it the first day, and then negotiated with my parents that i will take a break between 9 - 9:30 to watch friends, and study the rest of the time. i loved it the first time i saw it, didn't understand it too much, but just friends hanging around all day long and having fun...used to laugh a lot, and that used to vaporise the tense cloud around me.

over the years...friends has been a constant companion, sometimes just to entertain, sometimes to support me. i remember watching 5 episodes back to back when i had my accident, and wanted to sleep but was too scared too....it started many conversations, one song, gave me many analogies and many lines.

today, after watching the re-run over re-run, and living through my life along side, i realize that friends was so popular, is so popular, because over its run of 10 seasons, i has all kinds of situations, everything that people just outta school, going to their jobs, living alone expect to experience, and so you connect. the best part is, it showcases each of that situation with a funny tone, there is always a line by one of those six which cuts through the tension, and u leanr that sometimes, always, laughing over ur situation is maybe the best way of living it.

i today have a group of very similar friends, we are 7, and we do all the same things. relationship crap, work woes, drama in life, and the individuals, each different, each very well defined.

and they are fun to be with, we have accept each other, questions each other on the way we are, but always to make each other better, never imposed. we know mostly everything about each other, all the gory details, we know that some are a bit perverted, that some are selfish, that some are kiddish, some are drama queens, some are too rigid, and almost all have a level of kaminapanti...but we all are great friends. we share and have fun.

and we entertain each other, there are small time situations happening on a daily basis, and there is huge drama around each situation, but each such situation is handled with a level of humour which makes the situation fun, easy to handle. ofcourse you also get support to handle that situation.

i never wanted to belong to a group, but here, without even knowing it, i do. and its been a life saver many times.

cheers to my friends...to sandha, dude, shogo, kauky, shaitan, mai, me and some more who come and go...and to friends, i hope never to get bored of it!!!

best friend / boy friend

'Marry your best friend, nothing is better' - i read this long time back in an article...

Someone asked me, what if you are more compatible with your guy best friend, more then ur boy friend...

and that led into a series of conversations on the topic.

Well, i think a boyfriend and a best friend are two different things. your expectations are different. you expect support from the best friend, you expect the best friend to question you, advice you...

you expect security from the boy friend, you expect him to be possessive about you...

ur expectations not satisfied by a best friend don't hurt that much, but not the same with a boy friend, simply because you feel a 'haq' on him. you feel he owes you that.

If you go shopping together with ur bestfriend, and the two of you will mostly argue on it, but with a boy friend, there will be a sense of disappointment, 'ah you don't like this' kinds.

also, it would be ideal if ur boyfriend is also your best friend, very ideal, but doesn't happen often. guys anyways are dumb idiots, i was giving an example that the fact ur boyfriend hears ur rants for an hour on the phone, is a big thing for him. stop cribbing about him not understanding what you are saying.

but boyfriends need to be trained, tuned to ur frequency, and that takes patience...this is one thing which perfects over a lifetime, if its perfect at the start...it'll become boring afterwards...

Soulmates is what i believed in, believe in...but someone told me about soul people group, basically meaning you can't everything from one person...but a group of people...makes sense sometimes. but yea nothing better then finding ur soulmate.

sorry for the girl talk, am gonna visit an auto show later in the day, so will write about some macho stuff soon...;-)

later.

ank

its not my cause...

recently there was a some major events, almost a blitz of events celebrating LGBT movement in my workplace...and i was asked many times to join. i didn't

the celebrations and what they asked for was very valid, acceptance, and the same treatment as everyone else. and i totally agree with it. i don't know if its a natural choice, or something acquired, what ever it is, its a choice, and there is no reason to question it.

this blog is not about LGBT, but more about why i didn't participate in it. i just didn't think it was a worthy cause, i just didn't think it required to be given as much importance, as much hooplah, as many other problems we face.

there was an article in the TOI today, a politician was asked if his taking the oath in Hindi instead of Marathi, and all the noise around it, had taken the focus away from other issues, the performance of the govt as one. and i think it did. agreed, the right to take an oath in Hindi, which also talks about bigger issues, is important, but compared to the performance of the govt, not that much.

But then i don't blame the politician, or the LGBT, it is their cause, they need to highlight it. and someone needs to write about it, the media that is.

but my problem is with the media who gives undue importance to issues which make the news, which sell.

there should be a regulator for the media, its been debated, and yes i think there should be a regulator. whether the regulator should decide on the importance of a story, well no they shouldn't, but they sure should be verifying the facts being reported. because frankly, what is reported becomes the truth. for someone sitting a hundred miles away, truth is written.

as for me not participating in the LGBT thingy, well, i just don't think its worth that much importance, i am not sure about how much percentage of the population are LGBT and go through the social stigma associated with it, but from perspective, can't be larger then the kids dying of hunger, or lack of education or environmental issues. But LGBT is a controversial issue, it gets eyeballs, it is easy to sell. and i truly believe, we shouldn't sell what is easy to sell, but what needs to be sold.

again, no offence to LGBT, i am only against undue importance given to a lot of things when looking from a macro picture level.

my first controversial post...but this i had to write.

take care

ank

after a long time...

i have written about association before...am just developing another theory!!!

associations are nothing but part of habits, if you take habit as a process, which is done without any thought put into it, by instinct, then associations are the triggers to this process. there are routines in the process, lunch break-teammate-smoking is a routine, with team mate being the association...

doesn't make sense i know...anyways what i am saying is that i have been trying to quit for some time, every friday evening i smoke my last....every monday morning i have to stop at the coffee shop and i have to smoke. its an association i have...well i broke that and then discovered that there is another association, my teammate invites me for a after lunch sutta everyday, if i refuse he is disheartened, i thought he was just offended but its actually disheartening for him, this is his only sutta of the day, and its not the same if he doesn't have company...so i have to smoke.

so i basically have to make him give up his one break of the day for me to stop smoking...

i love those days where is like dawn all day long...

so once you start discovering one of a kind, u start discover many...its amazing in how, a very short period you start frequently noticing something of the same kind, which in all the years gone, you never ever have. 14th Nov the date, in ten years i have discovered so may people with their birthday on Nov 14, its weird. discovered two more today...

well not a very good example of the funda there, but the funda is actually true. it works with words, u see a word which is new, and then u start seeing it more and more...

maybe u just become more sensitive to it, u notice it only because its in ur head, and we look for things which we know, its gives us the 'aha' feeling.

another thing, to start with u like a persons physical apperance, but soon, very soon, if ur like me, it trancends that...and then the physical appearance doesn't really matter....more later.

PS: It always irritates me when bloggers don't blog for a long time, and then when they come back, they start with a huge 'i am sorry, i was doing this and that...' posts but were really just being lazy...so even though tempted, i am limiting it to just the title... :-)

and yea...happy birthday!!!

irony at work...

horrible week...working till two in the night on a sick day...and then working late nights everyday till mid week to plan something, push something, negotiating with all and sundry to schedule it...get everything done, then find out the basics are not ready, and get ready to work all night long to get it going...2 hours into the work find out that everything just got cancelled.
confirming the fact 'if you wish for it strongly enough, it will come true'

anyways that was not ironic...this was

Irony 1 - sending the last mail for the week out, all ready to leave work and party hard...and find out ur application is down...(this happens quite often btw)

Irony 2 - the access door to the application is hosted on the application itself...how do you get in to troubleshoot??!?

Irony 3 - somehow troubleshoot and find out the application is fine, but you, the owner of the application, are the only one not able to access it...

just another day at work...thankfully this was not my day at work. but work is exciting, always, never routine, as i like it.
take care.
ank
PS - personal post, life is ironical, if you can laugh at it, it won't sting that bad.
sorry for the terminology...can't describe somethings with the same impact without using the terms.

work would be so much more fun...

if this would happen...

well a guy's confession, we all have our muses at work...

well not only at work, at the gym, at a party...sad as it is, it is a guy thing...

and i can guarantee this for most single guys.

but it does make life so much more interesting, you run to mundane work...

the video doesn't require a description, it captures the essence perfectly.

i don't posts videos, but this needs to be shown....

enjoy, and fall in love, even if for a short time. ;-)

take care

ank

blinded by love...

so have an eye infection...some kind of conjuctivitis...non communicable and doesn't need me to rest my eyes either...so can't take an off from work, not that i want too...wouldn't know what to do all day long.

anyways so had this for two weeks, was just being a lazy ass, am going to ahd so though will get it checked once there, but was up all night yesterday because of the irritation so finally went to the doc and was an experience...first a nurse checked my vision...then an intern, a cute intern did all kinds of stuff with my eyes. she almost pinched my eye lids off, everytime foxing me by tellin me to look down...well what the hell, she was cute.

anyways that done, i finally got to meet the doc...miss suzanne john...thought it was Susan, Suzanne was even cooler. was joking in the morning that if i do go to an eye doc, it has to be lady. can't have a guy stare into my eyes like that. anyways she was nice, motherly, said it was quite common, need to put three drops, four times a day for two months and to come back next May because the infection will be back...and i go what!!?!...something to do with Bangalore weather. have a cold and she its because of this weather, and i say no, its a side affect of sth and she asks what, and i sheepishly say...smoking and get a 10 min lecture on quitting. funnily, i keep on saying, i did, for six weeks, and even in my head i feel so ashamed...anyways...so have been telling people all day long about the experinece...was making a lot of fun about it.

the great mai says, when told that i was up all night, you could have gone to the emergency room, and i think, the thought of going to the doc didn't even come to my head. same with the time i had the accident, didn't even think i would go to the doc. guess pain has just become a habit, also maybe because of this incident that happened long time back, feels almost cowardly going to the doc and doing something about the pain...a very very idiotic macho guy thing. absolutely stupid, but most of my kind have it...

hospitals are such an experience...you see all hues and shades of life...very few happy ones. its one place where most people are not pretending...where most don't really care about what others are thinking of them. it intimidates everyone, i have seen people freak out when they go to hospitals, the smell, the chaos, especially if ur the one who is being treated, u feel so vulnerable.

one thing i have learned, if someone needs to go the hospital, go along with them, how every minor the thing is, how ever tough the person is, it always helps if someone is alongside.

and all the people who know me...if its in Bangalore, take me along. i am getting pretty skilled at this, i was counting and i have spent 14 days in the hospital just with others, have been to the manipal emergency room accompanying someone 5-6 times...i am good at it. and a very very patient guy, pi and dude can vouch for that. so need someone to accompany you to a hospital, give me a call.

anyways long post, just felt like writing.

my right eyelids paining...damn the cute intern

take care.

ank

ps...the title is just something andie said today when i was joking around abt flirting with Suzanne the doc...

also this thing about blr weather...its nice weather...very pleasant, rains every now and then, and beautifully, short showers, lasts 15 mins, always between 4-6 and leaves the weather all cool and rainy...but then its not good for you health, half the people i know have allergies and sinusitis because of it...and body pain. its kinds of two faces, attracts you with the nice pleasant weather, but gives you all these ailments...if you know what i am saying!!!

never retire...

parents of people my age are somewhere close to the end of their working lives, close to going into retirements, close to turning 58, the mandatory retirement age in India. Whether they want it or not, whether they are capable of working more or not, retirement is something everyone has to face. for some its just a status (retired hain), but statuses, as i have learned, affect your head more then you would want them to. even if you don't feel it, a status might start making you believe it.

anyways retirement is a transition, a transition from one phase of life, a phase full of responsibilities, of tensions, of taking care of ur loved ones, to one in which there are others who take ur tensions, ur responsibility. the roles get reversed.

most of us, who are middle class, have parents, dad's atleast who worked hard through their lives and came up from no where to somewhere. their top priorities, their only priorities were their family, giving them a good life. no other ambitions, even those they had were so that they can give their families a better life. they gave up all their hobbies, all that they wanted to posses, their friends, so that their sons and daughters could explore more, could possess what ever they wish for and could go places where they could meet more people, make more friends.

and now, when they have achieved what they wished for their sons and daughters, now that their sons and daughters are grown up and busy in their lives, and now that they are not responsible for their children, they don't know what to do with their lives. they don't have any hobbies, they don't have any dreams, its too late for that now, and they don't really have any good friends left. because their world was their family, its like they lost their world.

and their sons and daughters who they gave up everything for, have moved out, have their own lives. what do they have left for them, be happy with the fact that they gave their children a happy life. i don't wanna grow old...

There is also a perceived power shit. the sons and daughters become the decision makers, starting living a more independent life. they also now know that their parents are not always right, that their is a generation gap, and somewhere, without even knowing, they don't give as much importance to their parents opinions, forget letting them make the decisions. well understandable, but what does that do to the parents.

parents who till now were in control, suddenly see others taking control of their own lives. and this scares parents. makes them feel less important, and ultimately, hopefully never, but sometimes worthless.

i think its more because India itself is in a transition phase today, where our parents lived in the tradition world where joint families were the norm, and today we are living in a more westernized world where children move out, so parents expectations are very different, and how their mind is conditioned is also very different, its condtioned for their children to live with them, and them taking care of the children and then the grand children. children and grand children want a more independent life.

blame it on times that we live in, will be the easy way out. don't have answers though...

there is no conclusion here...i am just stating whats happening, don't have a solution. i have seen some parents move on, living their own lives, getting into spirituality or charity or getting some hobbies. some move from one son's home to another' 6 months here, 6 months there...they make their peace.

i guess everyone does it, everyone lowers their level of expectations, fragments their dreams, and stays happy with a smaller piece, lower expectations. but then what would be ideal here, what would be perfection...i can't figure out.

later.

take care.

there has to be a PS: a lot of my gen and a gen after me have a dream, to retire by the age of 40...what the fuck??!? i ask them what then, and they tell me, we'll do some farming, live a relaxed life. go on vacations, enjoy family time. again what the fuck...retirement for me in its true sense is not having any more dreams, not have anything to live for, anything to work for. and in that case, for me, i would rather die then retire. because there is nothing left in life after you retire. enjoy life..., savour the fruits of what you sowed...bs. if you are not moving forward, ur still...and stillness is just another word for being lifeless. better die.

i don't want to retire, ever...i'll be 22 forever...i wish!!!