kitao...

Its been two weeks since we last walked on ice, and two weeks since we all have been reminiscing those 9 days of walking on ice and grit. I say 'we;, because going by the occasional but daily FB likes on one or the other pic by someone from the group, pretty much tells me that all of us are in the same boat. The walk is over, the memories will be always be us. 

That is a sign of a good trek by the way, you finish the trek, and then remember it forever. You think about the walk to fall asleep and dream about the vistas once asleep. Incidents, steps (or missteps), jumps and falls, crossings and breaks, all stay fresh in your mind, and even as they fade in your memory, when you do see a pic or meet a group mate and recall an incident, you relive the entire experience.

And this was one such trek. And a trek it was, no doubts about it. It might be counted as one of the top ten treks in the world as per National Geographic, but at the core of it, Chadar is a trek, like any other, the only difference being that it was cold extremely cold, and you were walking on ice. But otherwise pretty much like any other trek. 

Or so I thought for the first two days of walking...

But then, in most treks you can't see your reflection as if your are walking on a mirror, in most treks you don't walk on a surface as smooth as glass, or on waves frozen in time, or ice like freckles on a pretty face or on torsion cracks or crunchy swishy melting ice-cream like ice, or besides (and sometimes over) a pristine river, or along small and big icebergs, or on crackling ice, or on steep razor sharp rocks or on melting frozen snow or on frozen waterfalls and streams and tributaries. Most treks, you don't chase sunlight like your life depends on it, slide under rocky outcrops, walk on your tiptoes on the frozen margin of a river, or wade through icy cold pools of clear water (with your trousers folded up to you knees mind you), or on the side of landslide prone disintegrating debris mountains, or through tunnels formed by rivers running through landslide blockages. Most treks you don't have to rush on breaking ice with a calm urgency, and hear the cracking groans of the ice under your feet, or have your leg suddenly pierce through what seems like solid snow and then hanging ankle deep in the rushing freezing river below. Most treks you don't walk along a winding river which has cut through majestic mountains, most treks you don't lose yourself in a maze, not knowing where you are in the big picture, but always knowing where to go next. Most treks you become confident of your footing in an hour or so, here you have to watch every step, right up to the last one. Most treks you don't do disco every few steps to stop yourself from falling, most treks you don't fall in the double digits and still remain unhurt. Most treks you don't meet ladhakis who take care of you and all your needs, who safe guard you, who play the perfect hosts, and entertain you. Most treks, the terrain doesn't change every few meters, and is surely not completely different, even though you are coming back by the same route. 

Most treks are not Chadar.

Am not sure how to write about Chadar, or what to write really. There is no way to express how you feel when you walk on ice along the flowing river, the serenity of the experience, its almost therapeutic. The 9 days I spent their, I didn't think of anything else...nothing. Every day was just about the routine, get up - do your morning stuff - pack your bag - eat breakfast - walk - lunch - walk - reach the campsite - dump luggage into tent - tea and snacks - dry your socks & shoes - dinner -  some talk - setup sleeping bag - roll around in the tent trying to sleep - sleep - repeat. Seems a lot, but compared to our city lives, these things are just the basic essentials for survival. You kind of learn how to scrape out all the unnecessary crap we do in our days here, you think before everything, do I really want to do this. This is a place which teaches you the value of small joys of life.  Like finding a private spot to do your morning thing, finding clean socks to wear, washing your face, hot water from the flask, cream biscuits, a spot in the sun, a cave with a fire...the last is more of a 'today's my lucky day' moment actually!

I might want to tell you how to prep for the trek or what to carry, but then there is nothing which has not been said already, and frankly, there will always be something left out. If you go, you will have a personal experience, if lucky, profound personal experience and you should vie for one Inspite of all the prep, there will be things that you would have forgotten (or shouldn't have carried). You will feel cold, and you will feel tired, doesn't mean don't prep, but be prepared for the struggle inspite of all your prep. And please ignore all the advice you get on timing your trip, Chadar has a mind of its own, it will change and there will be stretches which are not frozen...and frankly that is the beauty of it. If you don't find those stretches, unlucky you. Only advice I can give is don't start or finish during long weekends, because there will be many who will, and getting stuck in a traffic jam on a mountain slope where the only spots you can safely place your feet are where your feet are already placed, is not a very nice feeling

some learnings though...long treks are better than short treks, for the only reason that you make friends. Like on this one, most of us were struggling with names and faces on the first day, on the last day were all joking around like college buddies. And you get to know personalities in longer treks, how people react, what people enjoy. If you are into that kind of a thing that is...

Pack your bag well, carry the essentials that everyone has talked about, have options and adapt. Believe me, forgetting the smallest of things becomes an everyday irritation, its like that small 'kankar' in your shoe, niggling little thing! Options in clothes is good, layers are what matter, but don't carry two of everything, instead mix and match. Buy stuff from Leh market, army stuff is cheap and good quality. Thermos (750ML) and hot water bag is essential. Give yourself time to acclimatize, try not to take diamox. 

It will be cold, does't matter how ever well prepared you are or how ever many layers you are wearing. Make your peace with the cold, try to ignore it and enjoy the views. Don't just walk and go through the motions, enjoy the trek. Like most other treks, Chadar tends to overwhelm you in the first few days, get a handle on it, and then take time out to open the zipper of your tent and watch the sunset (or the moonrise). Or like flat on the rocks when the sun's out midway through the day's walk, and just watch the blue skies. Because thats what its about...the walk is to clear your head, forget everything, the breaks are to enjoy that clarity, experience nothingness. 

Keep some small treats for your self during the trek. And leave a bottle of brandy, clean undies and socks at Leh, you thank me...small pleasures remember. 

And lastly, and most importantly, do not get swayed by the marketing guys who sell you the trip on the internet. Guys like Rohit Khattar, who have absolutely no control over what happens once you hit Chadar. They don't even own the tents or utensils or anything else. All they do is book the clients, make false promises and charge a premium for it. All arrangements are made by the porter association in Leh, they own all the assets, assign the porters and guides. I read about this on the net, didn't believe it, paid a premium for the false promises, and that was the only disappointment of the trip. And Khattar was not even present when we got back for us to complaint, neither did he reply back to a mail that I sent post the trek. For the premium we paid, we were promised a smaller group of 10 - 12, with a 1-1 porter ration, the group actually was 18 people with a staff of just 13. That meant less number of tents, no bonfires at campsites and rationed food everyday. We were promised a day at Lingshead, but were never told about the risks. We were not even told that a day in lingshead would mean we would have to complete the way back in 3 days instead of the usual 4. Just a lot of marketing talk and  false promises.

So my advice, and pay attention, contact the porters association or a Ladhaki guide directly, they will be cheaper, more honest and will take care of you. The only reason Rohit Khattar couldn't ruin our trip was of the porters and the guides. Our guide was Tenzing, trustworthy, helpful, he will get you out of situations and will keep you safe. Highly recommended, can be contacted @ +91 9469393192. (He might be on a trek and so unreachable, so give it a couple of trys. Also give 'Kitao' group's reference.)

thats it, Kitao

PS: I will keep on updating the blog as I remember things, as I said, these kinda treks stay with you forever. And secondly, if you don't about Chadar, below is a short primer. 

Chadar is a 9 or 11 or 15 day trek on the river Zanskar in winters when it turns into a river of ice. Ironically, this trek is undertaken by Zanskaris to get to Leh in the winters, to get their kids to school or to get supplies for the remaining summer months. Ironic, because most places are connected in summers and cut off in winters, but the opposites true for Zanskar region. You don't gain a lot of altitude in the trek, usually walking about 5 - 8 hours a day, covering anywhere between 6 to 15 kms. There are many many places to pitch a tent and call it a day, but usually you do Leh -- drive 3 hour -- Daar -- Walk 6 hrs / 9 km -- Singdha -- Walk 8 hrs / 12 km -- Tibb -- Walk 9 hrs 15 km -- Narek -- Walk 7 hrs -- Lingshead and back. Day temperature around -10, night -20 and below. And these are not just numbers, it is cold out there. A lot of blogs will tell you its just a walk on ice, believe me its not. This is am much of a trek as any, there is climbing involved, there are risks. And this is so much more...I guarantee, you shall not forget this one easily!

And lastly Kitao is a war cry that Zanskaris use to motivate each other on steep climbs or when carrying 40 kgs of load on their backs, and which became our group name

theories...(made in complete sane state)

Here are some theories, a lot of them come from an interest in theoretical physics and Einstein and reading A brief history of time and watching Interstellar (and reading Kip's explanation of it all). These are just theories, there are no proofs now, and since I don't have the brains to prove them, the never shall be, at least by me. But here goes...

We (humans) are in the middle of the size scale, and so is every other ‘thing’ on the size scale. What this basically means is that the universe is infinite in both directions. On the size scale, there will always be something smaller than the smallest known ’thing', and on the other side, there will always be something larger than the largest known thing.

The above is true not just size in terms of the 3 dimensions, but also in terms of time. This basically means that every ‘thing’ has a lifecycle, every thing is born, matures and dies. Be it a cockroach, a human, a TV, a star or our entire universe, every ‘thing’ has its own lifecycle. They all form part of a something infinite, something which continues beyond each of these lifecycle, call it time maybe. 

The only limiting factor in understanding the above two is us and our current knowledge. The reason we cannot see the size and time continuum is because our view is limited. Take an example, the universe for a bacteria living on your palm is your palm, and its not aware of the rest of you. Look at it the other way, when you die, your universe doesn’t stop, similarly, when your universe dies - big bang to whatever ends it, there will be time, and other universes will continue. Scientists today call this concept of multiple universes as multiverse (not very creative I agree).

As for space, our concept of space is the universe, but when your concept of space becomes the multiverse, you’d realise that there is no end to it. But thats on the how big is it, what about how small can it get. Well here again, think of the space dimensions as a funnel, which is infinitely long, on one end becoming bigger and bigger, on the other end smaller and smaller, tending to zero but never getting there.Think of the visualisation of a black hole in Interstellar (ah now you know where some of this originated). 

But as you think of interstellar, also wonder what would happen if that funnel is turned on itself. Remember those balloons, where when you first blow it, it is in a funnel shape, but then the balloon wala somehow manages to tie the two ends to each other, something of that sort. What if space doesn’t have any ends, it is like a big 3D loop. 

If you think that is abstract, there is more. We all know about big bang, the origin or our universe. What was there before big bang, no one knows, and we will never find out (remember the limits that I spoke about before) but scientists think there is the multiverse. Now imagine big bang like blowing off a matchstick, or a candle. What happens when you blow off the candle, there are wavy planes of smoke which arise, and which spread. They all originate from that one point, the candle wick, but they are always moving away from each other in wavy contorted planes. The moving away part is expansion of the universe. The contorted planes (and they might just have some thickness, but then compared to the length, the third dimension can be ignored and it can be considered as a plane) are maybe our known universe, at least the contorted plane that we live in. Now think about small carbon particles in those wavy planes, they are the stars, and planets and stuff like that. What if you could get form one such wavy plane to another, thats your wormhole. And what about the space between these wavy planes, I don’t know yet. There is the concept of dark matter, does that constitute this empty space, maybe. 

Well as long as we are on the concept of dark matters, heres one more theory. We all know of how one angry look from your dad or your wife send shivers down your spine. Or how one glance from the lady you love makes you all tingly. So how do you think that reaction of your lady love got transferred to you to react the way you did. There was no energy exchange for sure, they was not touch, there was no words spoken, no ripples in the air...

I believe, and this is very recent so might be completely wrong, but i’ll still go on a limb and say it, I believe that feelings are another paradigm, like energy. They can be transferred, they have cause and effect, and may have many laws associated with them. Some day we may even find a conversion formula between feelings and energy, but I think this is a completely different paradigm. Feelings might actually be a subset of what keeps us alive, soul, love and stuff like that. And at the base of it all could be dark matter. 

And now that you already think that I am high and doped up, let me just say that dreams are a way of connecting the two paradigms. Of connecting the dark matter to what is known. 

I shall stop here…make as much fun as you want. But its a theory. 

a blog after many years...well takes that long to come up with abstract bull like the one above. Einstein took 17 years, and that wasn't bull. Is this?

Bose.

PS: am really not high, this is written in a complete sane state. 

about silence, loneliness, introversion and all those awesome things...

and I thought it had been more than a year...started writing many times, on paper and in mail, in an iPad journal and in here...somehow after the first few lines, mind would just go blank. there was an idea, but it stopped at that idea, and then there were many lines, but nothing to tie them together. Thought it would never come back, not sure if has as yet though...lets wait n see. 

so many triggers for this one...reading about writers block and there was a line about how for writers silence and being alone is paramount, but the irony is that they, because of all the silence, are the most bored creatures in the world.

reading about introversion, explaining it to a friend, and realising that I maybe was not the 100% introvert that Miss Myers and Miss Briggs made me out to be, not anymore at least. damn I thought, was good to be the rarest of rare, the 1% of all male population, the highly mysterious INFJ...

So what am I talking about, well its gonna be random, but the idea is to drill in the importance of being silent, why its so awesome, and why people don't like it. It so awesome because silence is the precursor to thinking, and thinking is the precursor to so much realization. Silence leads to intuition, because intuition is something within you, and if you are not silent, you can never hear your own self. Ah, see came up with an oxymoron...telling you, am getting there. :)

but back to the topic, introverts are said to be far more connected to their own self, and in many ways to everyone around them, they somehow can sense what is going on, and silence plays a big part in it. Being silent gives you a chance not only to listen, but to process something...being silent gives you the time to look at different angles of a thought, It gives you time to develop an idea, because an idea, a though is like this self mutating bulbulous alien like creature which grows organically, it just needs to be given space and time...and being silent gives that. 

Have you ever realised that voice (and gestures of course) are the only way that you express yourself, and if you take that away, if you take the only way of expressing yourself away, you have to internalize that expression. You have to live with your thoughts, you have to face them, digest them and at some point, make your peace with them. A recent research showed that for most people it was impossible to stay with themselves for 15 minutes or more...they would just explode inside. And if you do dhyaan, you'd know what I am talking about. But once you have made your peace, that is when you are at peace, and that stage is so beautiful and serene. 

I used to love being an introvert, i was never scared of spending time with myself, and I used to be always looked down upon, so many cultures in our society look down on introverts, people who keep quiet, people who prefer themselves over others. its taken as a sign of dumbness, as a sign of haughtiness, as a sign of weirdness. But we are as normal as you, and infinitely more connected. 

The social pressures, and the environments we survive in, are not built for introverts. I had to change mostly because of my job, realising that my progress in the role I was in was very much tied to how much I talk. And then friends came in, and even though they accepted my introversion, as some point I got used to talking, and at that point, a part of me started dying. It was taken over by someone I didn't really like, because he didn't have that depth or passion or conviction. 

this is me trying to revive that part of me, bring it back to life, and in turn make myself a bit comatose for the external world....

this is me going quiet!!!

PS: yes this is nothing but me just barfing all over the place, but well atleast I kept it short. Its like there have been these 100 thoughts swimming around, and I had to just pour the liquid out...(visualising me tilting my brain and all the brain fluid with the swimming fish like ideas just draining out). 

anyways hopefully next time will be better, and soon..lots of movies to write about!!!

still confused with then/than & a/an year, somethings don't change... ;-/

if only I were writing with a fountain pen...

then a precursor to me writing after such a long time would have been cleaning the pen (which in the past meant taking out the 13 different components of the Chinese made Hero Fountain pen, and washing them with water, blowing the water out of each part and finally drying with a soft cloth) and filling and draining royal blue Chelpark ink atleast two three times to make sure all the water comes out and there is only ink, and then finally giving the pen a couple of jerks to make the ink flow....and after this extended hour long activity, I'd be too tired to write, and so would postpone it to next time I am in the mood of writing, at which time I'd repeat the exercise again. 

Thanks God for the internet, and for blogs, but well, not really...typing on a screen can never be the same as writing in a leather bound notebook with your favourite gifted pen. 

good start to the post..."scripturient" is the word for 'having a consuming passion to write', as per Word Porn on Facebook, and I have been inching to write since weeks now. Without really knowing what to write about. :)

something about vacations...there are so many different kinds, the touristy vacation...go to a place, see all tourist spots that you read about in the innumerable tourist guides or heard from fellow tourists, visit some family, friends if you have them, take some family pics and be back...neither feeling relaxed, nor carrying a lot of memories, but just ensuring that you can claim LTA for that year...I don't like those vacations...in conversations, you can list down all the touristy spots you have been too, but you can never make conversations about them...

why am I writing about this...ado n me are planning a trip to a couple of cities, and although they quite a number of 'touristy things to see' in the cities, they are not really tourist spots, they are just cities...but like any number of Indian (and foreign) cities, they have a soul of their own, and we just like to understand that soul, feel that vibe, live the place. But a lot of folks have been questioning that, why go to Benaras and Luckhnow, waha par to kya hi dekhoge...3 din main to bore ho jaoge....and so on and so fort. So well I, and we, just like living a city, instead of looking at dead buildings, we like seeing the life around those buildings...

anyways, was that a rant, not really, just my way of cleaning the pen I think...

AAP and its victory in Delhi, I am, politically, quite passive...its one of a very few topics that doesn't interest me, and my view is that most, if not all politicians are pretty useless. And frankly, am not sure if I think of AAP folks any differently. Well actually have no opinion...the only thing I would like to comment on, or maybe debate is whether their win in Delhi was because of their capability, or the junta's frustration with corruption? Is the Indian public so frustrated with the lack of governance and with corruption that they would support a novice political party... guess so. 

I do respect what AAP stands for, their stance against corruption is inspiring...whether they will be able to run a government, questionable, but then, am sure, they will learn.

anyways...am gonna stop now, the words are not flowing. 

I will however publish this instead of letting it rot in my drafts, because one of advices I give to people stuck in mental blocks is to just keep on trying things and wait for the flow to come...and so I should follow my own advice.

ciao...till the next time. 

jobs...n apple post jobs

the blog is not really a review, the movie, jobs is really just a trigger to something I have wanted to write about for a some time. 

I have written about Apple before, couple of times before hand, and well Apple is one of those things I have been passionate about since the first time I held an iPhone in my hands. But I kinda realize now that I was really passionate about what Jobs created, and not really Apple, because, sadly, Apple without Jobs is not the same. As much as he tried to make a company which would stand on its own, doesn't seem he succeeded, and as someone recently said, we have seen this before, when Jobs left (or kicked out) last time around. 

anyways, the movie first, I had read the unflattering reviews, and well was not too keen on watching it, but then, not watching it was a thought which an ardent Apple fan(boy) would never get. And that really why I have become the Apple fanboy instead of just an Apple fan, reminds me of a cartoon someone sent me long time back, of a fanboy chanting Apple in the face of all evidence...well more about that later. 

Jobs the movie, one thing is for sure, Jobs the person wouldn't have let Jobs the movie out if he were alive. Kutcher, well he tried really hard, and almost fooled you in the first couple of scenes. For the first few seconds, I was amazed of how well he portrayed Jobs, but then he opens his mouth, and there is that unmistakable Kutcher accent n style, and slowly you start recognizing the Kutcher in Jobs in almost every scene. Lets be fair here, if this was a biopic about anyone else, and I would have said that Kutcher has done a brilliant job, but then for someone as demanding of perfection as Jobs, perfection was required from Kutcher. One of the things that might have also happened is that the first few scenes raised expectations so much that the rest of the movies you just noticed the differences (and exaggerations in the gait). Anyways, he did do a good job, and so did most of the case. I think casting Kutcher for jobs was a really good job, Kutcher is young, is invested in Technology in the Valley, and so understands the business and people. Casting as a whole was great. 

As for the movie, well don't think any movie can do justice to Jobs's story, As I was telling ado, for some people who have lived such full lives, multi part television series would have been more appropriate. In any case  the movie tried to capture how big an asshole he could be, and how he was a genius in the true sense, his complications and his contradictions, but well it didn't do a really good job. Issacson's book on the other hand, lays it out so well, and in such details, that if you have read the book, then the movie just seems incomplete. I also think that one of the reasons you can't really judge Jobs, one of the reasons you can't really make him a villain or a hero, one of the reasons you sympathize with him even when you hate him for the things he has done is because he was very random, and there many times might not have been any reasons, thought out reasons, behind a lot of his actions. They might just be spur of moment reactions, to which he had to stick because of his arrogance. Lisa I think was one of those. 

So Jobs the movie was, if not a disaster, surely not something Jobs would have approved off, lets hope the Aaron Sorkin one is better. They are sitting on it, it seems which is good, because one of the things i have learnt from Jobs is not to release something till you love it, and are proud of it to the point that you dream about it. Ofcourse, many times waiting so long just makes a product irrelevant, but then Apple usually released products which didn't exist, and so could set both the times and playing rules.  

Guess am losing focus, another thing Jobs won't approve of. 

On a side note, since the name Jobs was already taken, am wondering if it will be named iSteve or iJobs. 

So Apple, since I have written so much bull about Jobs, lets keep Apple short. 

When Jobs suddenly departed, I was hopeful, he must have left a vision for next three years, and surely Apple has a host of other brilliant people. Surely the company will not just survive, but will be as brilliant. And I kept that faith till just a few months back, till the time iOS 6 was announced. To tell the truth, my reaction to iOS 6.0 was of euphoria...it looked fresh, and well secretly, Apple finally released something new, but then over a period of time I realized, I had become on of those MS fans, who boasted about features which have been present in Apple products for ages. In this case, most of the stuff in iOS 6.0 was already present in Android for atleast 2-3 versions. And then I realized, one of the reasons I loved Apple was because they were different, yes the skeuomorphic design was a bit too much, and many times unnoticeable, but then it was different. And it was like those really expensive rugs which looked like they were bought from a road side shop, but then you realized that they were a hundred years old or were make with an 1000 knots per square inch where as your norman rug was just 50. The value of the product was in knowing that someone somewhere had spent a lot of resources and time to get it perfect, to make their vision of it become reality. As Jobs used to say, the value was because you knew it was as beautiful inside as it was on the outside. Android doesn't have that, no one has spent hours and hours making it perfect, it is a work of iterations, released because of market pressure. Apple products are not and thats what set them apart, made them superior. The feel of the product, in addition to of course the product itself. 

and that is why I think Apple without Jobs won't be the same, is not the same. It has brilliant people, but so does everyone, what it had was a person who was so passionate about his vision that he didn't even realized he was becoming an asshole defending it, a person who was defined by his products and not by who he was personally, a person who was arrogant enough to follow his vision to the hilt, who didn't care about what people thought of him. That takes balls, or as in this case, complete ignorance, which was the case with Jobs. 

And thats why one of my regrets, and there are many, will be that I never saw him in person, because I have never met someone like that, someone who lives life on his terms. Some people have come close, all of them have made a name for themselves, but none have gone to the heights as Jobs, maybe because none was so pure in his vision. and frankly Jobs was not a 100% either, but as much as there has been till now. 

and to all those who think I finally have given up on Apple, well, just because they are not as brilliant doesn't mean they are still not better then your product, be it android or windows. Just take a look at the new Mac Pro if you need an example. 

laters.

PS - unreviewed posting, might review later...too sleepy today. (thinking at the back of mind that Jobs would never have posted this today, unreviewed. :) )

love, lust n power...

the most irrational emotions...love, lust n power

Couldn't have found a worse title for a blog on such a good movie, but this was my comment to ado post watching the movie...and it sounded cool. :)

the most irrational emotions...love, lust n power. One was quite obvious, and if u let ur rationale think a bit more, a hint of the second, and if you just let it run wild, maybe lust as well.

Lootera was a not a movie which belongs to today, or yesterday...people praised it for the 1950's look, but frankly, the movie was from the decades bygone not just because of the sets n the setup, but because of its simplicity  its sparseness.

At the end of the movie I was left wanting more...one because I don't like sad endings, I don't like unfinished stories...this one wasn't mind you, but I was left wondering what would happen to Pakhi, abandoned again with just memories, and a leaf. but also because of the sparseness of the movie, the ending felt sudden when it ended...but as the story, n the emotions settled in, as the thoughts flowed, I realized how complete the movie was. 

the movie was like a chocolate which slowly melts in your mouth, so slowly that you roll your tongue around to find the taste and which after it has ended, leaves traces of itself, which you can taste for the longest of times..and which leaves you wanting some more. 

we today are so used to so much happening in the movies we watch, so used to fast paced full masala movies, that such sparse movies instantly become 'slow'. But that sparseness gave the movie its flavor  gave the space for such subtle emotions, n expressions. 

Sonakshi as Pakhi was a revelation, I have not seen any actress of the modern era act so well, you could feel her longing, you could feel her joy. Everyone else was great, all muted to go along with the movie. The settings beautiful. It almost seems you need to put a bengali flavor to a movie to make it look classique n beautiful. Bongs are the french of Indian Cinema. 

this was a directors movie, it comes from the anurag kashyap camp, who thankfully expects the same quality from moves he produces as from the ones he directs. everything in the movie was just right, a good indicator of  that is that nothing really stood out, everything just blended into the story...

and the way he directed the emotions, the long shots of sonakshi, so that you can just absorb her emotions  the muted jokes, the build up, you almost feel the irony behind that last joke, you almost know its not gonna end well for them, but stil smile with them on that love seat...

Am sure people will like the ending, what I didn't like is the pain Pakhi will live through  go through a life with few memories n a leaf, as romantic as it sounds, its a tough life, and maybe at some point, maybe on your death bed, you ask what did I get out of it, the dead are gone, and I lived a dead life. Your suffering might get celebrated after the fact, as was devdas's, but you will not be alive to see it. 

collateral damage, something which always comes when men pursue their ambitions, family n friends, and most of all, the one you love, suffer the most. And the men feel the pain more then anyone else, and maybe that is why maybe even their failure counts for more then not trying, because even for that failure, they gave up so much, and felt the pain of what others gave up. but ambition should direct a man, power should lead to irrationality, because if it wouldn't have, we would not be here, we wouldn't have progressed. 

leaving behind a clip of one of my fav songs from the movie. as with the movie, the song was also not from today, or yesterday...

if you read my last post, you know I had been at the mall, and it was an eventful outing. One of the last things that happened before I got in my car was a simple little confrontation which was really not. Outside the mall stands a line of rickshaws, with the rickshaw drivers standing outside in a bunch heckling any passerby. Not sure if its the holiday cheer or them just being their usual selfs (bangalore is not really famous for decent courteous rickshawallas, especially to outsiders), but today they seemed to a be a bit more, well rude. Anyways, as I passed the bunch, heard the last few words of one of them passing a comment, couldn't make out, but a quick look told me it was to a north eastern couple. Looked (glared really) at the rickshawalla, and he looked back into my eyes and mouthed 'kya boss?', What stuck me was the sound of impunity in his voice, that grin plastered wide, that 'this is my right' feeling he had. He had no clue that what he had done was wrong. 
Ofcourse all of this happened in a split second, I walked on, no second reaction from me. But its always the case, where you get a split second to react and if not then a life time to brood over that inaction.

With all that has been going on after the her brutal attack and untimely death, emotions are running high. Couple of times today, in this incident and something that happened before, I was a bit more sensitive to those leechey eyes. 

There are quite a few things to think about...the impunity that rickshawalla felt, the right some men feel they have over women, our reaction to it, and ofcourse the reason for it all. 

Why do some men think they can tease a girl, pass a lewd comment, molest a girl as part of a crowd and get away with it. A lot of people say that our laws are not harsh enough. We don't have the death penalty for rape cases, well but we do. We do have the death penalty for the rarest of rare cases, and if the incident was a brutal as the one with Damini, then maybe it does come under that criterion. But I don't really think its the laws, the laws of the land are as good as anywhere, I think its the implementation of these laws which is missing. A lot of cases which have gotten highlighted, the police have decided not to take action. And it seems this is more true about rape cases because of the stigma attached to it. 
Giving a death penalty is not really a deterrent. One because, as some noted ex-lawyers are saying, it will just ensure that the rapist kills the victim, and frankly, I think rape is an outcome of insanity (or हैवानीयेत   which is an apt word) and in that moment on insanity, the fear of a death sentence won't help. But more then that, its not the right thing to do. I have my thoughts on capital punishment, and I won't go into them here, but I don't think that unless there is pure evil present without any chance of reform, should death penalty be given. It should not be given to soothe the wounds of the wounded, that will be revenge and we are better then that. That said, I haven't suffered, and so its easy for me to be principled about this. 
I also don't think castration or 'eye for an eye' is the answer. Because then there really won't be any difference between them and us, we will be as savage as they are, and in turn justify their savagery. 

the right men feel they have over women, well if you read some of my older posts, I have always maintained that women are better then men, if men were fair, women would have long back found a way of generating that 'y' and discarded men. But men, I believe have always have had this inferiority complex, have had this insecurity and so they somehow or the other want to oppress women to feel superior. A lot of what I have heard about rape as a crime (mostly from Law and Order really) is that more then sexual gratification, rape is about power. It is about nothing men trying to enforce their ego on a woman. that might also explain the husband and wife kinda rapes. 
Is this animal instinct, well no, I don't see it in animals. From all that I know, females in every species chose their mates, and have a right to reject prospective mates and defend themselves. But then we humans are the most evolved in the line aren't we!

our reaction to it all, well just the fact that we as a nation have reacted, in whatever way, is encouraging. There are people who are on the roads protesting, bearing the lathi charges and the water canons, then there are people updating their facebook profile pics with big black dots, and even more (like me) who are just watching the news, and a few cynics, who always will be cynics. But there is reaction, even if fueled by the news channels and social media. 
This is not the first case in India, this is not the first case in Delhi, its sad that the case needed to be this brutal to wake up the country. The cynics say this won't go anywhere, I kinda agree. A couple of laws will be changed at the most maybe. But I think what this will do is sensitize people more towards such things. It hopefully will be more difficult for men to make lewd comments and get away with it, it hopefully will be easier for girls to confront guys. 
but more then anything, I think the biggest change will be for people to realize that its not ok. People will realize that its not ok that a girl cannot travel alone in a metro late at night, that is not ok for a rickshawalla to gawk at a lady, for a college student to pass a lewd comment on a fresher. Like everything else, we, Indians will realize that its not part of life to worry about our sister, mother, girl friend or wife's safety all the time. 

and last, the reason behind it all, very few are talking about that. Its that basic respect for women lacking in us and here I mean from both men and women. Men are brought up to think that they are superior, or women are inferior. and frankly, its not just men, women also are brought up to think the same. I am amazed at the number of dowry / rape cases where the main culprit is a woman. Woman themselves think they are inferior, and this conditioning has to change. 
Another smaller reason is that men are not sensitized towards women, I remember a comment an ex made once on me, since I don't have a sis, i don't know how to be sensitive towards girls and today I realize she was quite right. Take that up a couple of notches, men who have never been around women, who have studied in boys schools or brought up in regions where women are separated from men, they either will end up being really shy or really agressive. 

I don't know if there is a quick solution to this, changing laws in my opinion won't go to far, what will is women standing up for themselves, and men standing behind them, with them and hopefully in front of them when they do. Long term, educate our kids, men and women both have equal right to this world, both have very differing but ultimatly complimentary skills. Educate our kids such that they don't even have the question of who is superior, they never have the notion of equality. 

And finally a heartfelt apology to Damini. Am appalled at the deeds of some of us (men), I cannot even begin to imagine your pain, in one way am thankful that you are a place where the horrors of this world cannot touch you again. 

I am sorry. 

last before the new year

and first after a long time...the thing about having a lot of things on you mind is that you don't really that empty space left to tie them all together into a blog post, its like filling up a hard drive such that there is no contiguous space left to process the thoughts...

anyways with that mindless tech talk, was in the mall today, sounds like am living in rural america, in a state like wisconsin in the 70's and saying, 'oh, nothing, just went to the mall'...guess thats what Bangy and most of the 'urban' india is like today. Anyways, went to the mall to do some more then just window shopping at a furniture store and then some clothes store...yea am getting married soon, so this is how lifes gonna be. Anyways (third time in one para), after a long time was just noticing people around, and saw some many different things in that half an hour I was there. 

Saw a group of 10 - 12 guys standing in a tight circle, laughing and making merry, and my immediate thought was is there a girl stuck in there who they are groping or sth of that sort. Checked and it was just guys fooling around, but then the instant thought was because of all the things going on today, everyone says that all the protests and all are useless, will die down with time, things will stay the same, but atleast now people and I, are looking out, noticing things. We have become so used to this stuff that its become second nature to be on call with your sister or mom or girlfriend or wife if they are out alone, travelling in a bus or a train or sth, and well why? 

so more about that later, don't wanna ruin another blog post, anyways short on ideas...

next stop was the furniture store, and this was not just a store, it was a imposing 5 storey building selling everything from door knobs to all leather lazy boy rip offs...nothing really eventful there though. Just a towering 5 storey building selling everything from door knobs to lazyboy imitations...such a long way from the days of the local carpenter seizing a room to design and make that TV cabinet mom wanted for a long time, and dad heckling with him on a daily basis. And I always ask, what was wrong with those days, what really was wrong with that furniture, it used to look ok, was functional (for most part) and durable, but the consumerism bought on by the humongous 5 storeyed stores still succeeded. 

went to Apple shop, have started telling Ado its my temple, but don't really believe that now, no more after god of design decided to shift base to heaven, but still, has the best product. It was crowded, but not like some other gizmo stores, in US, Apple stores are gauranteed to be choc-a-block crowded, not really sure why its different in India. 

As I was walking out (I did go there for a purpose btw, not just to gawk at the iPhone or iPad), as I opened the door, a small girl was blocking the door, shouting, almost pleading to her dad to come into the shop. She was wearing a very pink frock, had oiled hair, braided, was 12ish I think, totally out of place, but excited. Somehow very out of place, especially in the Apple store. She didn't have the greedy eyes of someone who wanted to buy and iPhone and couldn't, she just had plain excitement, and just wanted to share it with her dad. I looked up to see her dad, and understood it was not plain excitement she wanted to share, it was her dad's sorrow she wanted to share. He was standing by the railing, looking towards the shop, back to the 3 floor cutout, and he was wearing the simplest of white shirts and white trousers. Chappals. Face seemed to have a blank look, but really was hiding a deep pain, like he has lost someone close, like even though he wanted his daughter to be happy, like even though he wanted his daughter to get over the grief and enjoy, he himself couldn't. And his daughter wanted to do the same for him. Somehow she was able to let go of the grief, he couldn't. Guess with age we just like holding on to our pain more then our happiness. Guess with age, we have more to look back on then to look forward on. 

After a long time, a scene stuck me, and even after walking out of the store, was staring back to see...such is life today, miss out on these little scenes which have a whole story behind them. 

Moving on (it did take a long time), next stop was kalmane coffee, sitting alone, sipping on nice kappi premium, head this entire conversation between two guys and a girl, the girl hardly speaking. Childhood friends, the guys, born n brought up in the US, one guy moved to India, before or after marriage I don't know, wife an Indian, accent and mannerism told me had not lived in US for too long. Second guy moving to Aussie land and meeting an old friend after long time. Same old banter, about old times, old friends, married guy was a bit ahead in the family game so giving the other guy some advice. mend you ways...girl hearing all, but feeling totally out of place, must be an arranged marriage. and I instantly connected, was wondering, how ever much you want, you really can't have a unique life unless you go into the depths of it, if you see from a height, ur life is the same as the next guys!

Coffee finished, shopped a bit, somehow the people helping in shops, shopping assistants, instantly know whether your are gonna buy or not. and knowing that they, sometimes, some of them atleast, still give such awesome service. Am surprised how even after knowing that you are gonna fail, you still pursue the cause. 

Saw a phirang, three fourths and tee shirt, loafers, aimlessly wandering around. You don't really see phirangs stranded in foreign countries with no choice, they usually have the choice to go back to their homes, its mostly Indians who end up in phirang lands away from their families and friends on festivals and stuff, but well, times are changing I guess. 

event ful half an hour must say, it always is at such crowded places, be it hospitals or railways stations or well, malls!

Happy New Year folks, the year didn't end, but do ask yourself, what really will be the difference between Dec 31st and Jan 1st for you. Except for the fact that the YYYY field will change, is there any real difference. Still the same job, still the same schedule, still the same mentality. Wonder why the fuss about New Years, its not even a festival, but guess its just about new beginnengs, or that marker for new beginnings...life is such a long continous story, we need to break it into chunks to understand it, get a hold of it. A new year is as good a way as any!

Happy 2013 people, a day early, but then how does it matter. :)

Take care

after a lifetime...

been such a long time I posted, I even forgot what my last post was...and for once, I haven't felt guilty about it. Some how life has just been whizzing past me for the last six odds months. It does seem like a lifetime lived in just about half a year, a lifetime which I would like living again. 

So no real reason to write today...just random thoughts from experiences since the last time.

Was caught up in a discussion about family and friends with 'the man for whom I would want to become gay' the other day.  Was making the point of how many times (wanted to write mostly but am not that cynical also) family ties are more because of obligation and because of society then actual love and caring. Even if you don't really like a family member, when its needed, you will help them because of that expectation, that obligations. Same ways it becomes easy to ask for help from family members, because you know that blood relation obliges them to help you out. On the other hand, friendship is such a informal loosely bound relationship, that you are not obliged by anything. 

With my sis and me, as long as we were friends it was all fun and frolic and we were still there for each other. The moment we started formalizing it, giving it a name and started bounding it in rules and regulations and expectations, the relation started falling apart. 

So then why family, why not just live in an undefined, loosely coupled relationship, well just for our need for security. Its amazing how much you can achieve and experience if you just let go of that need for security. If you don't need social security, you wouldn't have to put up with people you don't really like, if you didn't care about shelter security, you could pretty much travel the world, if you didn't care about financial security, you could take as many risks in job and business and do awesomely well. And staying alive is the highest of those needs.

I asked this question to myself one day, what would happen if living beings lost the need for self preservation, the need to stay alive. That natural protective instinct that we have in everything, what would happen if we lost that. Well top of my head, either there will be total chaos or crystal peace.

Heard this somewhere...you cannot stand on the shore and explore the world!

Men...

hate the fact that the only thing which inspires me to write now a days is watching a movie...ever worse is that the only thing changing on my blog on a daily basis is the twitter feed.

anyways, was thinking of writing this for some time now, there was a thought generated by something on FB, but ultimately it was the movie which is making me write.  The post is gonna be very very disorganised, more then the usual so bear with me...

the movie in question first, gangs of Wasseypur pt II...awesome awesome movie, better then the first part, but that could only be because it was more fast paced, even in the first part I liked the Sardar Khan part of it, but not really the Sultan Khan part of it. Faisal Khan made it more Godfather like. Its amazing how all such movies somewhere have incidents which have already been shown in the Godfather, maybe thats why Puzo's Godfather is considered a classic for men. 

and well the post as the title suggests is about men. The man here is Faisal Khan, but really Wasseypur ultimately is about men, and what they go through in that life. 

Men, and I have always believed this (and written about but can't find it now) are the lesser of the two sexes in my mind. I have always had an admiration for Women, for the amount they go through and how they handle it. I have always believed that women would and should rule this planet but for that animal instinct of winning, that savage need to conquer and win that only men have. That animal instinct makes men take risks, makes men fight battles, makes men prospect for the new. But then as I think of it, there are two other reasons why men do a lot of the things they do, well one, to spread their seed, and secondly to ensure that the seed and the bearer of the seed are safe, well provided for. Not sure if which of these three reasons is core, which leads to the other, and I think they keep on varying in intensity from time to time, but all three are there in every man, at some point or the other. 

And this has been shown in the movie really well...you see the three sides of a man in this movie, the egoistical side which wants revenge and to win and conquer, the animalistic sexual side, and the caring protective family man side. 

so again what on FB made me think of this, well a post which spoke about how much men give up to be the protective family man...they (and I am talking from personal experience here) give up a lot to ensure that their children and their wives and their family in general are well protected for and well provided for. If you look at your fathers and your brothers, you will see that they let go of all their wishes to ensure that their loved n cared ones get what they want.

but they don't really let go of the other two, every man, throughout their life, is still a sexual predator (yes, a strong term, but its basically an animal instinct, not justifiable in todays cultured human world) and is still an egoist who wants to win, wants to conquer, wants to make his mark. These qualities are very inbuilt in us, ingrained in us if you may, in our genes and in our DNA, in the way we are build, that as much as you change, they are still their lurking around somewhere. 

But they don't show up, you sometimes never realize they are their unless you have the ability to listen to a man's thoughts (ultimate end of privacy I tell you...) but they are there. And are well hidden, because a man had made a choice at some point to be one or the other and hopefully let go of the third completely. 

In one of the few weak moments any of the three protaganists had in the movie, Faisal Khan says that his dad had the choice of not coming back to wasseypur, had the choice of choosing to be the caring husband and dad, but he made the choice of becoming the conqueror. And even though Faisal wants to choose otherwise, he cannot. It ultimately comes down to the choice you make, the choice you make to either be a sexual predator (which thankfully very few do, and are rightly punished for it, because its the most selfish of the three choices) or the choice you make to conquer and win, second most selfish choice, it does do some good, the world has progressed because of this choice, or the third totally unselfish choice of being a family man, a choice which doesn't help you or the world, but just the ones you care about. Not sure if like anything triangular, you can only choose two of three, am sure if you choose 1 there is no other choice. but then this needs more thought....but am pretty sure you cannot be all three at the same time, something Chika told me long time back, either you can be professionally successful or a great family man, both are not possible. 

and so the conclusion to this post and the answer to uff teri ada's question is that women complaint about not finding the perfect guy, the guy who is successful and good looking and caring and good husband and father and everything, well of course you don't, its difficult for a guy to be good at both these things, they require opposite skills, if you want one, you gotta let go of other. and of course getting something of everything always leaves something out which you can complaint about.

For the first time very reaslised that being a man is also difficult, not as torturous as being a women, but subtlely it is!!!

PS: this is the kind of post which I might not agree to in part or completely when I wake up tommorow morning, so expect a lot of self commentary on it over the years, as I experience, think and realise more n differently more...

random random...

Lots of small things to write about...

It was interesting to see how well the buzz was built around Aamir Khans Satyamev Jayate. Done in a class way, and in line with the spirit of the programme. Watching the promos i though it would be a travel show, with him going to the small and far flung places in India to highlight our diversity, to show the many colors that make India so amazing. And then highlighting the people and their stories! Always wanted a show like that, a show which shows the life of the 1 billion indians, the story of a hath rickshaw puller in calm or a tea picker lady in assam, or a salt pan worker of saurashtra, or a idli for breakfast walla from mumbai. Ans show it in a very matter of fact way, because i know this, their life is as interesting as any of ours, just not glamorous enough, well what he actually is doing is not bad, just that this too, the only thing is that here too you can see the effects of marketing, and as much of a proponent of true marketing i am, there is always this feeling that marketing and the effort to make something saleable takes the purity out of it!
Well who am i to judge, its been liked by everyone, and some action is being taken on its behalf so good!
Someone posted a 'why is this world so bad' kinda poster on fb, and well, the world is not bad, some of it is, but problem is that only the some bad part is highlighted, i wish there was a programme which shows the good stories, the hundred million stories of kindness that everyday indians generate, so that our impression of the world being a bad place ends. I truly believe watching such stories would make people do more good! And what the hell, market it as well! :D
Somethings just grow on you...somethings u just love at first sight, conversely somethings u know u will never like (which btw many times becomes a self fullfilling prophecy) and some things you let urself get used too...
Told someone yesterday about acceptance,chow sometimes ur better off accepting ur situation, ur fate then fighting it. Its not about losing hoping and giving up something, but getting that peace for now so that u can start fighting again later...its like when climbing and u suddenly start losing ur balance and have ur arms flaying all over the place to get ur balance back, u always end up standing still first, then start climbing slowly. Bad analogy but...


There was 'the too big to fail' used for the large investment banks during the 2008 crisis, heard the 'so big, it might itself under its weight' some time back. Well just to be fair to myself for once, the funda was KC's, the line mine. Discussion was on tech and future of companies, and as usual i brought in Apple and for the first time someone said that in 3 years there might not be an Apple. Tim Cook will finally run through the three year plan Steve left him with and hen they will be lost..well time will tell, i too have my apprehensions, Cook is turning out to be more conventional then I hoped for. But well, the so big will bury itself came from the fact that as soon as Apple goes after foreign markets, India and China really, and as they increase their product line up, they wont be able to handle it. They are already screwing up big time on some of their products and this will just increase. Hmmm...counter thought was, maybe they won't go after the big markets, they are already making big money, US / EU sales are still strong, so why not keep your market limited, but get more innovative products. Also because if they have to come to these countries, they will have to cater to regional needs and also lower their prices, which means come up with new versions, both of which adds complexity to their operating model. Time shall tell!


Last thought, am surprised and sometimes aghast at how much time all of us spend just making things happen, in comparison to actually building things...planning, communicating, selling, funding, resourcing, measuring, meeting, bitching...how less time actually innovating and building!!!


laters!
PS...the song on top is what started the something just grow on  you thought..!

Ishaqzaade...

The first time i saw the song fell in love with it, More because of the way they had shown the love stuff then anything else...and knew that i wanted to see the movie. Rustic UP, a young love story, good song, fresh faces who can act, there were all the ingredients for a good movie...the director would have to screw up real bad to mess this one up...and then came the reviews, first half great, second half the director is lost...good love story to start with, lots of aimless running around later...well, i was not convinced and so went to see it, and for the lack of appropriate company, alone.
And the movie didn't disappoint, was surely better then all the reviews made it out to be...rustic and raw UP, young brash lovers, a political background and gun culture, if it seemed unbelievable to you, you just have to live there to know all of this happens, and more often then you think it does.
I wont go into defending the movie, because i know it didn't go down too well with many people...but some things which stood out
1. Parineeti's acting, this has to be the best debut in a long time, she is quite natural and portrayed the brash, immature 20 year old awesomely well. And the guy too, not sure of his lineage, but if you have seen young kids from UP - Haryana, they are absolutely like this...gun totting, mom fearing!!!
Agreed its maybe easy to portray such strong characters, always difficult to showcase subtle characters, like its difficult to make things simple, maybe because u have so few characteristics and emotions to play with, whatever little u have, u need to do use it really well. Anyways, they portrayed it to perfection, so great debuts.
2. I know we have become good at cinematography, but it always surprises me how beautiful our cities n villages are...there is beauty there and it was captured well in the movie...maybe i love my country too much!
3. The song pareshan, someone compared it to iktara, well that was a classic, but this is not bad either...just a different genre!
4. It was said that there wasn't enough material in the movie, well yes, but not complaining. It was a complete story, and most possible facets were explored, not in depth, but then its not an arty farty movie is it!
5. Could the ending be better, could there be some way in which the couple would have survived and the movie would have had a feel good ending. Dont know...would i have preferred it, maybe, but i wouldn't have liked myself for it. This was the only ending which would have somehow made the movie a bit of an cult movie, if both survived to live happily ever after the Shakespearean devdas type charm would be lost.
6. The attitude of Pareneeti's character, her accepting someone who well, in the new legal language raped her, unbelievable as it is, know that they are 20 something, still not aware of how big a thing this is, know that she did fall in love with him, and as much as ur betrayed, u always have a soft corner out of hope. Its always true, the guy u first give ur heart (and ur virginity) too always stays with u, has a special place!
Whether he changed his heart because of his mum, well go back up and read again...gun totting but mom fearing! :)
7 and last...the parts immediately before and after the interval..former left me pretty much shell shocked and kudos to the director for that...latter was a good way of turning the story around. Intelligently done...so again, pat on the back for the director / scriptwriter who ever it is..should find out!

And thats it, worth a watch for sure, in theatre, alone if u have a choice.

Some other things, dont want this blog to be just a review site...

Attitude towards muslims...one thing which always struck me when talking to some seemingly very liberal modern people was their dislike and sometimes down right hate for muslims. In most it comes out of ignorance really, in some it comes out of a misplaced fear, because they can cut goats so easily, they are dangerous and heartless...and some who have experienced it first hand. One very prominent example was an uncle, a heart surgeon who would operate on patients but had forbidden his daughter to marry a muslim guy. Anyone else would be negotiable, but muslims would just lead to a lot of pain for her. Come to think of it, for me and a best friend, the same unspoken rule holds. Even someone very close to me surprised me by telling me that she hated muslims...i told her that day that its maybe the first thing i don't like about her...but I will not make any judgements, not because i don't wanna become controversial, but because i don't know enough, havent experienced it enough...i had a couple of friends in school, but never close enough...i would like to have. Instinctively i know there is nothing wrong..but wanna experience it first hand so that i can say it with conviction!

As i was coming out of the movie, heard quite diverse reviews, some said it was  a complete waste of money, some said second half was bad, some liked the first half...and of course i liked the whole of it...well the thing is what do u say about products which evoke extreme liking or disliking in different groups. Either u love it or u hate it...i remember tHe fellow marketer making that comment about Brio the car, u either love it or u hate it, and everyone is in one of the groups...!
I would like to make such products, products which evoke emotions, because they stay in ur head, as i said, infamous is still famous! From an earnings point of view, i dont know, whether something like this is more desirable then a 'theek hai' kinda product, but from a long term recall point of view, surely this is better.  So make controversial products which divide the audience into two...evoke strong emotions, even if u dont make enough money, people will surely find out ur name!

Watching movies alone is looked down upon, but come to think about it, its the most logical thing to do...especially for such movies, which have matter...why would u want someone there sharing it. As in no harm having someone (as long as they keep quite n watch the movie) but no harm in seeing the movie alone...why do u need company to do an activity which gives you company on its own!!!

My fingers have slept off typing...so shall stop! Third or fourth post this week...kuch to ho raha hai!

Laters.

PS - Distinct feeling that I have said more then I should have...both from a knowing point of view and a 'will come back bite me in the ass' point of view. :-|

Sent from my iPad