Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Post Perfection!!!

"Bam...right in the face this time...life hits him again, and flat on his face he falls. Will he be able to get up"

the first thing which came into my head when something happened last week, surprising how now that anything happens, the first thing that comes into your (or at least my head) is a status update. :D. Call it the age of vanity. anyways this was too personal for FB so putting it here. 

so the post is gonna be about random short stuff, because life has been random, and incidents have been short, so short that converting them into stories would require a lot of creativity on my part. 
anyways, was watching Singham the other day, crappy movie on the face, but it was a lazy saturday with nothing really coming on the idiot box so…and also the fact that a lot of the yuppie IT crowd had recommended the movie. so well was watching with a couple of friends sisters et al…and as i sat through the movie, something stuck me. the idiotic, full of physics defying stands and crude half hindi half marath dialogues movie was actually inspiring me. well now i started paying attention. No doubt this was a product of the new found marketing skills of Bollywood, but the movie was also having a very unconscious effect on me. The movie was kinda appealing to my revolutionary, fight agains injustice, gandhian bosean self. and since the movie was such  huge hit, it must have for some other people as well.
well i also remembered something I read about the ongoing UK riots, a story which said that everyone is asking the reason for the riots, but there were signs of the build up for the longest of time, you just had to know where to look. there were many fiction books n movies made which pointed to the growing rife in the UK society. With all the stuff join on in India right now, am wondering if this is one of those fictional cultural creations which appeals to indian peoples sense of frustration with the system. Will have to wait n watch.

what else, on a personal front, i did sth a couple of weeks ago, which had some people very close to me questioning my basic fundas of life. Basic funds # 1 - Do good, why because thats the only way to live. Funda # 2 - Don't expect anything, why, because otherwise you will always be disappointed, this way you can only be surprised. 
anyways so both funds got questioned a lot, was told that the above two are good, but in moderation, do it only for people who care and not for everyone. Value urself was what i was told. Somehow to my head whatever shaitan says makes sense, but my soul doesn't understand it at all. For me its simple, i don't believe in gaining respect or love or care or affection or anything by having to ask for it, and here asking is not just really asking, but all the power games that people play, the 'bhaav khana' types. I don't understand that, find it shallow and a waste of time. My fundas is simple, you should earn ur respect, not demand it. and secondly, you shouldn't really put a value to urself, others should. What's the point of saying 'I am important' or making others say 'I am important' by arm twisting them using different techniques, doesn't stay, and if it does, that feel good feeling you get out of it is not real. rather, earn ur respect, and love and affection, and it will always stay. and of course, when i say all this, people say you believe in Karma, and i am like thats just a feel good excuse you make to urself when u get disappointed, just keep on doing what you gotta do, rest don't bother. The one thing that you will have following the above is satisfaction and a lack of guilt, u'll feel good about urself, and that gives you peace more then anything else. and methinks peace is all the that matters really. 

raining really heavily now, already finished a cup of tulsi tea, wondering if should get some coffee and ruin my sleep for tonight, anyways not gonna do anything early tomorrow. 

so i have written this somewhere before, moments of clarity or something. I have had two till now, well till the last week at least…one was when i let go of someone and clearly saw my life going down the drain, another when i had the hope of getting that same person back…many many years later, and saw everything coming back to how i wanted it to be. anyways moments of clarity are awesome, they are pure white, there is not a spec of grey in there. you are so sure of what needs to be done, and how things will pan out and how life will be, it exhilarating. its almost as if you have already lived that life and seeing it in flashback. 
had one this last week, something happened, and i saw my life clearly, and was a beautiful sight.  Didn't last long, and more then me, its someone else's loss, but was awesome to see hope back again in life, even if just for a week. Rejuvenated me to quiet some extent. someday when its a bit stale, i shall write about the incident and the entire farce of arranged marriages. ;)

so do you think with your heart or do you think with your head? i am a very very instinctive touchy feeling sorta guy, so its all heart with me. and decisions of the heart are instant, there are not factor to consider, not weighing options and all, its all done in the unconscious, you just know the answer. And so for me, either i make decisions in seconds, or i will never be able to decide, because when my heart is not sure, the head comes in, and gets so confused with all the facts that never know what to choose. last week was one of those decision in a fraction of second week, sadly someone else was thinking with her head. 

anyways, lots bull crap written for now, laters. 

its nice that after just 3 posts in the first two thirds of the year, i have two in the last week. and am in the mood to write more. Credit it to the 'almost' week. :)
and as for the 'will he be able to get up, fucking yea I will!!! Might not be a lot of thing, n short, but one thing i am is defiant. In this battle with life, either i win or die fighting, which come to think of it will be life winning, still!!!

1 comment:

  1. Good to know...that u're back on track!! ;-)... All the very Best!!