Friday, July 31, 2009


for now atleast. long time back, when i started, i wrote this. justifying it. i re-read what i wrote, and even today i agree with it. more so then i used back then actually. then ofcouse the logical question, why quit???, something i have been asking myself since i did, which is about half an hour short of 21.5 days. yes yes, those who quit keep count, in days and hours and minutes...its a big life changing even u see.
well why, i'll come to last. how did i do it, and what helped me do it, that now.
i always used to tell people, those who cared and insisted on me quitting, that i will when there is something to fill up the vacumm in my head. so is that sth here now...well.
anyways how, two ways you can quit, regulator method or the switch method, either keep on reducing it slowly till you can give up completely, or just give up, one shot, abruptly. i tired the first, but then i would slowly go from 4 to 2...and then turn it up to 5 and stay there for sometime before starting again. going on for some time, and then one fine day, night actually, i just lit one, and well promised someone this will be my last for the next 24 hours. stuck to the promise, although was looking forward to a long deep drag after 12 midnight, thankfully, luckily, i didn't have any on me, neither did my friend, and so i though, well thats a sign, lets just give up. and i did. for how long, i don't know.
anyways so my point is, if ur weak willed like i am, give up at one shot, and basically put the switch to off. what ever justification ur heart give you...make sure your head always says no. thats what i did, however logical the justification feels, i basically without thinking say no. have decided i will stick to the no for sometime atleast. lets see. when will i know, people give me all kinds of time lines...if you haven't by the 8th day, you have quit. not true....till the smokers cough goes away, well mines gone already and no, not true. personally i think second day is the toughest, you get beyond that, its not very difficult. just a little self control or just a bull headed resolved not to turn on the switch. when do you know whether u have quit and are beyond it...i don't know really. but i have decided not to till i know that i won't till i don't take its support every time i have to think or i am in a bad mood, or some small problem hits me, or my harmony is disturbed.
hope that happens soon, because i so wanna....
anyhoo...that was how, after it worth it. well depends on who ur. if you the kind of person who wants to live a long healthy boring life, surely, if ur the one who wants to live an exciting happening experience everything to the fullest even if for a short life kinda life, then nooooo....;-)
i am the second kind, but still i quit.
does it help, well yes you do start feeling more healthy, better sleep, more fresh through the day,more energy even, better metabolism, i think more stamina as well...but more then anything, far more then anything, no guilt. no guilt that you are killing urself, that you are hurting people who care for you. and ofcourse the pride that you have the self control, the will to give up the biggest of all vices, the one thing which chemically makes you happy...which gives you more satisfication then anything else. well wrong, love does it more, but in its absence...
the bad thing, all your freaking associations go for a toss. coffee doesn't taste so good, the rain hitting ur face doesn't refresh you as much. the conversations don't seem interesting enough, thoughts don't seem deep enough...and alone time, well you loose the only company which was your company when you were alone, which made alonetime so much fun. i hate it. i still have given up. why is one question i ask myself everymoment.
why...someone asked me, and i wanted to prove to myself that i can, that i have the will to do it. just that, nothing else.
i have not only given up smoking...i have given up a lot more. its like a part of me is dead, its so much in my core....
on a personal note, everyone since time immortal assumed that i do. every new city i have gone to i have been offered one, when i refuse, i get a shocked look and am told, you look like a smoker....well i thought, if everyone already thinks that i smoke, why not....and it came very naturally to me. making it sound like an achievement, but yea, i loved smoking, still do.
well anyways long long post, which is totally contradictory to one of my premises, i won't be able to blog without one in my hand...well lets see how many more of these assumptions are washed up... : )

take care.

PS: its called quitting...and i used to say its so true, ur quitting a battle, a battle to live the way u want to, on ur own terms. ur loosing a battle. but then, quitting itself is a struggle, its not easy. so you quit bothways, either u quit smoking or u quit the struggle to give up smoking. both ways you loose something. the best solution, like most things, don't start. because once you start, whether u stop or not, ur gonna loose out both ways. with or without...!
i personally like the 'i gave up smoking' tells you that i actually lost out something which was dear to me, and i should be molly coddled for it...quitting just sounds so degrading.

1 comment:

  1. decided on a minimum of 3 months...lasted about 4 hours short of 6 weeks. not bad, but not good either. not starting again...have to survive the coffee shop tomorrow.
    somehow felt complete again today, felt a sense of peace which was missing since i had...
    the reasons, well there was this temptation for the last four entire scenario i had visualized could have come true...its ironical...for one i have to give up, for another i have to take it up!!!
    anyways, felt good for the first couple of drags, and what deep drags they were, but then it was normal, but the guilt was back, so was the feeling of loosing a battle, but then there was this calm, and this brooding and miss that feeling.
    not starting again once in a while, no only at parties, no nothing. just when it feels right.
    and yea...i have bad bad friends..!
    mini blog in a comment, it does make me wanna write!!!