the triggers required for a post. Some you can talk about, some you can't.
Every so often, I want to run away. Run away where, I don't know. But run away from everything, without anything and go to a place where no one knows me and where no one cares for me. Do I want to start fresh, no, do I want to go back to what I left behind, no. I just want to run away.
A feeling you must be all to familiar with.
And then there are people who do, and they are the ones written about...
the picture and the dog in the picture, the picture taken at a beach in Panjim, a beach that only the locals know about. The dog belonged to a couple who had come for a lazy weekend stroll, lets take the dog to the beach they must have thought. They put on their shoes and the dog knew, they said 'chalo' and he started jumping in circles, not letting them even put on the leash. Wish he knew that to be free, he had to be leashed first.
the open beach, the flying disc and the only people he cares about playing with him, he had everything he wanted...he couldn't stop playing, running behind the disc. And then he had to bring it back to the owners so that he could run again. To run after the disc again, he had to first give it up, did he see the irony again. Bring it back to where it started. We don't, how would he? He was on a leash, just not a visible one, a leash now bound by the owners, but one he tied on his own. A leash which stopped him escaping to eternal freedom, a leash which brought him back to pleasures available now and here.
and in that one moment, he considered his freedom. He considered leaving all behind, escaping forever. The illusion of happiness shattered, the eternal struggle beckoned.
We all want to escape, we all dream about escaping, but we never do. I ask why...and Tagore answers.
“Obstinate are the trammels, but my heart aches when I try to break them. Freedom is all I want, but to hope for it I feel ashamed. I am certain that priceless wealth is in thee, and that thou art my best friend, but I have not the heart to sweep away the tinsel that fills my room.
The shroud that covers me is a shroud of dust and death; I hate it, yet hug it in love. My debts are large, my failures great, my shame secret and heavy; yet when I come to ask for my good, I quake in fear lest my prayer be granted.”
Its the insecurity and the fear that terrifies us. The insecurity of losing everything, the fear of finding nothing. We call them responsibilities, we call them attractions, but all they are is a false sense of security. Its not people who need us, not your parents, not your better half, not you children, its you who need them. To feel secure, to feel like you belong. And yet, you want to run away. And yet, if you don't escape, you shall never know.
and then there are those who leave it all, who do take that step. the song
PS: started writing this post many days back...and like most posts on Crimson Blues now a days, stopped writing it mid way. Coincidentally, next day saw the below instagram post by a respected college senior, and she gave a name to the feeling. Seems running away is a pretty common feeling out there...
PS: Another one written sometime back and not published, not sure why. Good writing methinks, bad title though. Well what to do...
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