take care..!

have been sick for some time now, not too sick, but enough to bother me. and have realised the importance of having someone who cares, and pampers. am taking care of myself, but still feels good if someone asks, and cares. lessens the pain, gives a sort of security, or atleast an illusion of security.

i remember once had this acute pain in my ear, it immobilised me, couldn't even sleep, the nearest doc was about 20ks away, was kinda afraid to go alone. then a friend came along, and just the presence made it far better. in retrospect the friend didn't help much, but i myself got so much of confidence, i could handle it, and i also forgot the pain.

i was in allahabad, on a construction site, miles away from anywhere, and life was as bad as it can get. the only constant in life is ur life itself, it was a rut which seemed never ending. like going through a movie again and again...till the point where u start noticing the background because the scenes and dialogues are memorised. during that stay, a 58 year old career civil engg, who lived his life away from his family on such sites, whose entire day passed dreaming and dreading about his retirement told me to take care of myself, never fall sick because if u do, there will be no one to take care of u.

but don't u wish that day never comes, u always have someone whoes highest priority is u, and don't u want to be that for someone else too.

guess till you become parents, thats not gonna happen, especially if u have lost ur love.

by the way, and i might be repeating myself, but a person who has helped you when ur at ur vulnerable most, u never forget them, are always in debt.

take care.

ank

comfort zone...

i have heard many well traveled people crib about how americans are two faced, they are not true, well don't know about that. been here only couple of months which is a very short time for me to make such judgements.

but i have seen something about which a friend mentioned long time back, when she came to US. mentioned that people are too polite, they hold doors open for you, they apologize for no particular reason (the often heard 'excuse me' which seems to be the tongue tip term here). it sometimes gets on your nerve, becomes really irritating. but then thats because we come from a culture where u apologize and expect to be rewarded for it, where apologies are more of an obligation put on someone then an apology.

anyways i guess its about making someone comfortable, and not unnecessarily taking them out of their comfort zones. walking down the roads, never do people walk so fast that they bump into each other, there is always this gap between the crowds, ur bubble* is never pierced.

crossing the roads, even if the lights are red, if someone is walking across, the cabs, would stop for you to cross, even if ur stading on the sidewalk to cross, the cabs stop. and these are yellow taxis moslty driven by asians. on the freeways, even in a traffic jams, there is enough distance between vehicles for a bajaj scooter to park, well i guess in india, that would be the case.

in concerts, and i am comparing a van dyk concert here with aerosmith in india, people let you be, there is no pushing, no fears of falling over the rails. if u wanna go in front people let you, don't have to jostle along.

guess it all comes down to giving you space and not invading it unnecesarily... something i have always missed in india, if u have a sad expression, if ur not speaking as much as you usually do, if ur an introvert, well people there won't let you be. they wouldn't accept you, will poke u asking what happened, kya hua, and make sure u never come out of that mood.

so however two faced americans are, i atleast like this face of theirs, the face which gives people space, and which accepts people as they are.

and by the way, went to the restroom (which i guess is called so because people when they want some alone time or breaks, go into the stalls and sit on the pot) and realized the fact that these people who would try to maintain atleast a two inch bubble around them, and would not stare at people, whatever (smooching so much that they could end up making babies) they are doing, don't think anything about half open stalls, no partitions between urinals and locker rooms which are basically a combined term for open change rooms and showers. how ironic!!!

PS * the bubble thing is basically a theory about everyone having a bubble surrounding them, which defines their comfort zone, the space belonging to them. thats why we get all worked up if someone comes to close to us, or if someone is staring at us, the eyes pierces the bubble. and have u notices, u know it intuitively if someone has been staring, and the instinctive glare you give back, girls would know better.
and a collary is that u let only those people into that bubble u trust and love, thats why a significant others touch or coming close feels so good, u can feel the warmth.

underground - literally!!!

a dark, seamy, often hidden area or side: thats underbelly, and mumbai has it. well NY has its underground, literally. The city, which soars up into the skies, goes, if not as much, significantly deep. the subway which snakes through tunnels built ages ago, many times three level below surface, many times with a tunnel at each of these level, one above the another.
the steam shafts, under the roads, spewing and sometimes bursting, but surprising with their presence and the hissing they make. and then there are the basements, with the steel trap doors. extending into the sidewalks, which u walk over without noticing, unless they make that 'stop with unexpected surprise' clanging, which open only late nights, after the shops they are under close. and then u discover this old wooden ladder, or sometimes a beltway, and a dirty dirty window to what goes on underneath. and its not only the basements which peek out to the world, the steam pipes, the subways all have their openings.

It always amazes me how far can the americans see, imagine planning the growth of the city on both sides, imagine planning out a city where 50 storeyed buildings stand over hollow tubes, a hundred pipes of a hundred sizes criss crossing the city.

take care.

PS: and i know, surprises are always unexpected, but using only surprise didnot fully express the sentiment.

random thoughts

have been looking to write all day long, was kind of inspired by a couple of things (one of which was comments from a person who was one of the persons i wanted this blog to be read), but didn't know what to write about, was not getting words. its amazing, am in a new city, a new country and still don't find a lot of stuff to write about.
anyways, i found NY to be weirdly bland to start with, not as colorful, quite mundane. things don't happen here, if ur in India, there are incidents happening everyday, floods, bomb blasts, strikes, they do add color to life, pull you of the rut.
but had a closer look, and atleast started hearing some voices. u hear sirens of all kinds at all times of the day, fire alarms, police cars, steam pipes blowing up and all sort of stuff. helicopters and ferries, and water breaking on the south seaport. a significant in my life, told me it takes time to know a city, peel of the layers, i am just starting too.

groups should never be mixed, especially if there are people who are not understanding, but rather are judgmental.

saw chak de india, beautifully done, well shah rukh still was quite plastic faced, but there were slivers of brilliance, but that apart, the director did a brilliant job, and i believe it was a huge step for yash raj movies to get out of the mind set of making commercially successful movies, and adding unnecessary content which they believe will ensure that.
this was a commercial movie, but was also very true to itself. there were no unnecessary additions, authenticity and genuineness were the objectives and were well achieved, through the accents, someone did their research, the starting comments about the north eastern girls, although offensive, were true in nature.
the movie was not cluttered, rather compared to some similar english movies seemed quite spread out. i wonder if that is because of the lack of good acting, which forces the director to be very elaborate on scenes. also the movie was not as exciting as should have been, the background music was to fault at some places.
anyways a great watch, with some good dialogues, and a beautiful script.

watched this in an asian theater, with some pakistanis sitting besides us, and was wondering how they would be feeling. was thinking if we are globalising, should we add content which goes down well with all audiences or be indian. still thinking...

take care.

city life of a mid, late 20's single...

the song, from life in a metro, describes city life of a mid, late 20's single beautifully. love the song.

in dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha
tu khaab saja, tu ji le jara
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat
berang si hai badi zindagi kuchh rang to bharoon
main apani tanahaayi ke waaste abbb kuchh toh karoon
jab mile thodi fursat, mujhse karle muhabbat
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat
usako chhupaakar main sabse kabhi le chaloon kahin door...
aankhon ke pyaalon kse pita rahoon usake chehre ka noor
iss jamaane se chhupakar, puri karloon main hasrat
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat
in dino, dil mera, mujhse hai keh raha
tu khaab saja, tu ji le jara
hai tujhe bhi izaazat, karle tu bhi muhabbat

the culture of walkin...

heard this long time back, bombay is the NY of india, and always used to think 'no its not, maybe LA of india but surely not NY'. always used to think bangalore would be more fit to get that title, now that i am here, i guess none is truly NY, b'lore and b'bay together maybe but yea b'lore come closer, atleast has the potential.
one thing similar to both cities is the culture of walking, to office, back home, to buy food, just for the sake of walking. walking i guess is better then any mode, it gives you ample time to understand the city, to look at the faces, to understand the people. nothing whizzes by, everything seems still.
i don't know why any other city in india doesn't have this culture, maybe our desh is not meant to be walked in, or rather our cities are not, the pollution, the hustle, the speed of things kill you. there are no pavements, no trees on the side of the pavements, no flower pots kept to refresh you, no benches to relax on. here the buildings are on the edge of the pavements, you can entertain urself walking. and there is a non existent public transport system, no connectivity to most places, so instead of walking to the workplace or anyplace, people take their own vehicles, or ricks, which frankly are the worst mode of transport.
b'lore is one place i have seen some similarity, people walk, don't prefer it but for some reason do.
hopefully we'll be there soon.
take care.